Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
My veins ran dry,
Begging for water,
Begging for me to take back those words.
"I will never love you again.",
But it is true,
And you do not take back what you truly feel.
You hurt me,
Now feel my heart,
Feel my raging anger.
You told me,
"I don't want anything serious.",
You are laughing.
Nothing serious?
I'm sorry,
But do you know what a fucking relationship is?
I feel it in my chest,
My rough hands,
This roaring sea.
No, this destructive hurricane.
All taking place within my body,
All waging war with how I wanted us to be.
I want to drown my heart,
Wash away your sins,
Wash away the burrowed love.
But now my knuckles are bloody,
From scrubbing so much.
The wounds are still there,
Your stain is still here.
My hands are shaking,
Thinking about your ocean blue hair.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
This is beautiful. The emotion is conveyed very well- the pain is obvious and sharp. This is a very good, emotional description of the disappointment and anger that comes with a horrible relationship.
The lines quoted by maverymadams in particular are my favorites in the poem, and it seems like they could be interpreted in a lot of different ways.
The only grammar error is in the two lines were you are quoting speech, you put a period inside of the quotes and then a comma outside, like this.", which looks a bit weird and the periods break up the poem. I'd just put the comma inside the quotes and lose the period altogether.
Other than that, really great work on this!
You have probably heard the phrase, "cuts deep like a knife" well you just plunged a dagger in my heart and soul. That was beautiful, the perfect explanation of any shitty relationship someone has been through. Your lines are perfect, it flows excellently and your wording is just phenomenal.
Wash away your sins,
Wash away the burrowed love.
But now my knuckles are bloody,
From scrubbing so much.
I love the way you connect blood, sin, and love all together into something so deep and emotional. If this is based on true events I am truly sorry for that, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and putting your emotions into words on a page and releasing it is such a great way to get relief. Stay strong and keep on writing! Truly wonderful.