A long blue skirt shifts,
Twirling into a panic.
This dance taking place,
It spells out all my worries,
All my fears.
A ballroom inhabited by only me,
Only this lonely written thought.
"Please don't leave!"
My bare feet waltz across cold tile,
Running back to the empty throne.
Tripping over every single gap,
On my hands and knees,
I plead,
"Father, mother, where have you gone?!" .
A fountain bursts,
And suddenly I am a wretched mess.
These pearls and lovely things mean nothing to me.
I would shed everything for the courage to win both of their love over.
To dance yet again with a family,
A family all sane and recovered.
But for now,
My bare feet still scrape the floor,
Still looking forevermore.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,415 Literary Works • 673,176 Reviews
Hello there!
"This lonely ball." You know what? You have such a catchy title and congratulations because it is very appealing. (Or is it only me because maybe I'm lonely? Haha)
Starting off, it was a very emotional piece and there is just so much feeling to it. It sounded so sad, but not just sad, it sounded beautifully sad. It was so dramatic. But you know what hit me most? This line --- "My bare feet still scrape the floor,
Still looking forevermore."
There was this hopelessly hoping kind of attitude in it which makes the poem SO BEAUTIFUL AND ARTSY. I don't know what to say but that ending just made me want to re-think of the whole poem itself. Amazing.
The image in my head is intense. This poem has a strong meaning to you as the author it feels like. The emotion behind the writing is so meaningful and as a reader i can reach out and feel the emotions and vibes. Great piece of writing.
Wow, I loved this poem. I very different approach to spelling out hat you feel. I can picture the ballroom empty and lonely, and can tell how you wish you could win over your family and all be happy and sane and together. I can relate and that's really a good thing when the reader can relate to the poem. Great job, I think it's perfect how it is.