Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
A lamp turned on.
Enlightening my heart, filling me with golden honey kisses.
You came, turned the lantern off and begged me to silence my joy for you.
I yell and yell.
"I adore you, I beg of you, please love me again!"
You metaphorically choked me with the slamming of my front door.
The crunching of the leaves filled me with grief.
What have you done to me?
My fireplace is never lit.
My blanket never warm without you here.
My hands grasped for your memories of me, seeing if anything you said was true.
You pushed me away with quickened pace.
Glaring at me straight in the face.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"I like your sweater."
"Okay."
I should just stop asking, saying these things.
Stop showing my concern for you.
But I still crave to be associated with you, you bastard, you liar.
I call you that and I deny it.
But the fact of the matter is, I will always have a place for you.
I would turn that lantern back on for you anytime you ask.
In a heartbeat, I would let it burn a hole through my roof if it meant you would be there too.
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This is a review.
Hi. It is always a pleasure to take the time for a poem like this.
The way I interpret it, is as a love story that has been forced to break and the narrator has been trying to replace the person he/she loved as the replacer tries to make you forget about it turning of the lantern. Regardless of whether it may or may not correspond to the actual underlying intention.
If I would have to give you a suggestion I would maybe want to challenge you to do more with the dialogue. A dialogue can be very telling and gives clothes to the whole train of thoughts exposed before and after it. Also it's not very clear who is who in the dialogue. One the one hand I would think it's the narrator because he says he should stop showing concern, what seems to refer to asking "How are you?" rather than saying "fine" and okay". But on the other there is this nice introduction "glaring at me straight in the face". And as it is the last person described before the first line is said in the dialogue, it seems to refer to the one "glaring in your face". I would be very interested to know who is who and attach the descriptions to the behavior of the right personalities in the dialogue.
I hope I don't give the impression not appreciating the piece in a whole. It is an interesting story that made me think, and that is what I look for in poetry. I would be happy to read any clarification or further insight in this poem and others in the future. Best regards.
This is a review.
Hi. It is always a pleasure to take the time for a poem like this.
The way I interpret it, is as a love story that has been forced to break and the narrator has been trying to replace the person he/she loved as the replacer tries to make you forget about it turning of the lantern. Regardless of whether it may or may not correspond to the actual underlying intention.
If I would have to give you a suggestion I would maybe want to challenge you to do more with the dialogue. A dialogue can be very telling and gives clothes to the whole train of thoughts exposed before and after it. Also it's not very clear who is who in the dialogue. One the one hand I would think it's the narrator because he says he should stop showing concern, what seems to refer to asking "How are you?" rather than saying "fine" and okay". But on the other there is this nice introduction "glaring at me straight in the face". And as it is the last person described before the first line is said in the dialogue, it seems to refer to the one "glaring in your face". I would be very interested to know who is who and attach the descriptions to the behavior of the right personalities in the dialogue.
I hope I don't give the impression not appreciating the piece in a whole. It is an interesting story that made me think, and that is what I look for in poetry. I would be happy to read any clarification or further insight in this poem and others in the future. Best regards.
First off, thank you! Second off, I was actually wondering how to make the speaker of the dialogue clear, I thought I somewhat solved it with 'glaring at me straight in the face' and 'Stop showing my concern for you', so I will definitely go back and try to refurbish those lines. It is the narrator asking "How are you?" and complimenting. The former lover is answering in abrupt and somewhat rude answers.
When I wrote this, it wasn't exactly what you were thinking the poem is about, but all writing is up to interpretation, and I like your idea.
I'm not really an expert on poems or anything so I'll just give my feelings on this poem.
I'm interested in it, the lantern as a symbol or metaphor of love, the 'metaphoric' choking, though I think saying it was a metaphoric choking is not what I would do.
People can relate to this because it's the daily struggles of those who are in love with someone who doesn't love them back. I can relate in some way so I think it's a good poem. Good poems are poems that relate to the readers.
I can't really say anything about the grammar because for me, the importance of grammar in poems depends really. And also I suck at English (not my first language).
Seven words though: This. Poem. Is. Good. To. My. Heart.
Thank you for your interest! I was very hesitant in putting metaphoric down, but I think it really showed how hard it hit the narrator's emotional state. It's really something I wouldn't have usually done either. I'm glad it's good for your heart.
I really liked this.
Glad you did!