If it wasn't for love,

This isn't really much of a review, because I don't have any criticism. I loved this so much. I'm not sure what you're meaning for this poem was, but I interpreted it as someone with depression who isn't really wanting to get better (ha maybe I'm just projecting though). I especially loved the line, "i reckon that's what happens when you lay down with demons". God, this is so pretty, keep up the good work!!

I really like this poem. I love how it almost could read as a short story and your excellent descriptions. Much as others have said, it would certainly help if you were to put this poem in stanzas. The overall flow and feel would be improved as a result.

Besides that, however, I can't find much criticism for this poem. I think it's fantastic and unique and I also like how you incorporated some dialogue.

"Putting out cigarettes on wobbly thighs,
Don't help so much either."

I think the grammatically correct way is to replace "don't" with "doesn't" but if you were going for a more harsh feel then keeping "don't" is the right way to go. Overall I truly enjoyed reading this and think it's a refreshing and well-written piece.

Have a great day and keep writing

Hi.

First off, I feel like it'd be a good idea to break this into stanzas. It'd be much easier on the eye.
Secondly, though the middle parts of you poem are excellent I think your beginning and your ending stanzas come in a little choppy. I personally thought the starting few lines didn't flow with the rest of the poem. You can cut out the part about wobbly thighs since it doesn't really do anything to the poem it is simply there to take up space.

The ending you have is ok but I think you could use a little lead up to the revelation that these "demons" don't consider the character as a companion. That would give the reader a little more impact.

Despite all this, I really liked this poem. Your flow is really nice and it says a lot in such little space.

Keep writing.

Hey I would like to start off by saying job well done. For the purpose of organization, I am going to organize this in pros and cons, but great job!

Pros: AMAAAAAZING Imagery!!! You were verrrrry descriptive and I thought your symbolism was absolutely outstanding! You also had a fantastic metaphore, and a nice length to your piece. Everything seemed to be punctuated correctly, and I definitrly feel that you gave off a strong message.

Cons: There really isn't much I can say for a con, other than you could possibly include more action and physical obstacles going on. That, and by doing a darker poem, it will likely appeal to a smaller group of people. If this is how you feel, though, feel free to ignore me. There will always be people out there who will appreciate work like this.

Overall, I thought you did an amazing job, epecially with engaging the readers and inflicting A TOOOON emotion in them. You really make the readers think when you write something as impactful as this. That's a great tactic by the way.

Lastly, I would just like to say thank you for writing this and I hope you continue on this website. This is a great piece of work and I feel that you have a true talent at writing with emotion.

Hope this helped at least a little bit. BYEEEEE!!!!

I hope you're having a good one, babydollblues! It's your good ol' pal vva here to spare a moment and review this gorgeous piece! Let us commence, shall we?

"My skin,

It burns."

At first, I didn't really like this opening. I thought the structure of it was a bit odd and I felt as though it could have been phrased differently. This was however, on my first read. On my second, third and fourth it sounded perfect. It feels as though it's got a really nice pause. To just let the reader breathe and take it in.

"Don't help so much either."

The word "don't" here feels a bit out of place, but I do understand what you were going for here, I just don't think it really worked out or sounded very well with the rest of the poem.

"The demons cackle with a slight cough at the end,"
Mmm... the phrasing here is odd. I feel it could have been worded differently and would have felt a bit smoother in context with the rest of the piece.

"Inhaling smoke like a child heaving in tears."

Nothing bad to say about this particular part, I just wanted to let you know that I think that it's a great simile. The words "inhaling" and "heaving" pop out at me (in a good way, of course) and just feel right together. You have very strong poetic moments such as this one in all over your poem, but I don't want to bore you with compliments. Haha. My point is, you really showed a lot of writing potential and talent in this work.

Smoking is a predominant issue and addiction that a lot of people experience and you tackled it pretty well. You could have very easily made a half assed "smoking is bad PDA", but made very bold and strong decisions here, which I deeply appreciate. Definitely one of my favorites that I've read on the YWS site.

Don't stop writing and keep up the grrrrrrreat work!

Fun fact: As someone who has struggled with certain addictions, this really stuck a cord with me and usually I really hate pieces about addiction because I seldom feel as though they really capture what it is to have that problem. If someone sent me this and told me I was going to read a poem about a smoking problem, I would have rolled my eyes and skipped over the message, but you really won me over.