"There comes a point where we all stop."
"Hmm?"
"The End."
"What do you mean?"
"The End." She whispers with more fervor.
He still didn't get it,
He didn't get it even when they were knee deep in the water.
The sloshing intensity of the tide,
The freckles running up her sides,
"Please tell me what you mean!"
Her hand slipped out,
"The End!" She yelled with a hint of veracity in her tone.
The chaos eggs him on,
And suddenly,
He too was washed away.
Swirling into this girl's body,
Wondering what she meant,
What it meant to come to an End.
Sea foam washed into his lungs,
And he was alive with convulsions of the past,
This girl,
Who is she?
"I am you! The one you loved so much!" Her sea foam filled lungs gurgled,
"Love? Myself?! Who are you and who am I?"
"I am you and I am the End! Look at me until you comprehend!" She begged,
Pleaded even,
For him to remember,
To remember what the End was and what it felt like,
How to love and how to breathe,
What it was like to never be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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129,170 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
Hey!!!!!
Much like Rascalover, I cannot find a huge thing I don't like about this piece. The cadence of the beginning is great. One thing I did notice is that you switched tenses pretty frequently. Is this happening right now? Did it happen a long time ago? A week ago? This poem seems to slosh around a bit, mimicking the gurgling and tossing of the waves, but why? a bit of depth and dimension would have helped quite a bit. Have a great day!!!!!!!! -BlueDaisy2018 <3
I used the switching of tenses to create a sense of no timeline, to make it seem very chaotic and crazy, because that's what the boy is feeling in the poem. Although poems are always left to different interpretation, so i can certainly see where that is coming from. Thank you for reviewing!
Hi!!
This feels like a classic poem. I love how it can be interpreted multiple different ways without force. I love the back and forth of the characters. There's actually not much I didn't like about this poem, so I am sorry that this review isn't very helpful. This did make me excited to go check out some of your other work. Thanks for the great read!
Tiffany