Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Cool silk slips into water,
Undermining my words.
These feelings,
All drowned out by clashing war.
I grip onto Juliet's balcony,
"Feud one more time and I'll blast my damned brains out!"
Yet this cry goes unanswered,
And I slip back into Romeo's ignorance.
The lights dim down,
And maiden me thinks it was a distant dream.
Oh, what a pitiful thought,
For now I can hear swords clashing and bashing.
Will this go on forever more?
Surely not, dash away those words.
But the roaring of the waterfall in my ears tell me more woes,
And I wish that I had gone through with my idle chatter.
The priest, my dear sweet friend,
He tells me not to get involved with the Montague's nor the Capulet's, especially those damned teenaged fools.
I should have listened,
But here I am.
Laying on the cool marble,
With trampled roses in hand.
Glass rivers imbedded in my cheeks,
And a resounding drum thumping in my chest.
They've burnt down my balcony,
And done away with both families.
"I should have knew I caused the feud,"
Ragged breaths between anger,
"But for God's sake, I feel so undone."
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Heya, Babydoollblues! Casanova here to review!
Anyway- I do this a certain way. I list the good, and then the bad, and then I conclude! So, here we go!
First off I would like to say that I love the Romeo/Juliet thing you have going here. I love seeing older poems/plays revised and made into newer material- it's really refreshing to see that the older ideas don't go to waste. So, props for that!
But, for a poem this was a bit... Eh. In my personal opinion poems should have a nice flow, ya know? Like the line,"He tells me not to get involved with the Montague's nor the Capulet's, especially those damned teenaged fools." This kind of disrupts the flow of it, wouldn't you agree?
Anyway- to the next.
The over usage of,"damn," kind of throwing it off as well. I mean, I'm not against cursing. I do myself- but I feel in a poem it should be used in emphasis instead of being thrown around willie-nilly like this one had used it.
The next thing I noticed.. Well, that's really all I have to say about this poem. Props to the idea- till it, replant it, grow it. You'll see a huge difference if you work with different ideas and things and don't stick the the same script if that makes any sense.
Anyway.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on. I'll be watching, ya know.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.
Hello hello!
), the derivations from the Romeo and Juliet story raise questions and eyebrows and make it intriguing to those who know enough to know things are wrong.
As a Shakespeare fan, the first thing I notice and enjoy is the running Romeo and Juliet allegory. I don't read any of it as literal (it's Juliet's balcony and Romeo's ignorance - the speaker seems to be neither of the two), but rather as an emotional exploration. The repetition of the symbol of Juliet's balcony, perhaps as being metaphorically 'above' the feud, works to this effect.
I like the use of imagery in this poem. 'glass rivers embedded' took a few readthroughs to understand, which is unfortunate, because it is a pretty little metaphor.
The meter and flow of this poem appear to be the place where this could use the most work. While this does read as free verse, there's not enough rhythm to make it pleasant to read aloud. It works as a dramatic monologue and there are yet parts that seem like 'poetry', but this would be a stronger piece if it had more.
Another strength this piece does have is layers of meaning. On top of what feels like some hardcore literary symbolism (
Overall, in my opinion, this is an enjoyable read with enough layers to be worth more than one readthrough.
Hello there! Gilgamesh19 here.
First of all i'll be honest, I am not really into poetry. But boy that was a good one.
You managed to both adapt Shakespearian classic Romeo & Juliet to a modern setting and made it truly touching, great job there.
Keep up the good work. I hope to see more of you soon