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Guilt

by anne27


The Inner Guilt

It gnaws on my conscience

Like a cat on its prey

It pounces on me when

It sees brightness befalling my day

I feel like a child

Terrified of this terrible sea

It blocks my sun, dulls my mood

It never seems to flee

It creates big hoes in the ground

At every step, I seem to fall

Nobody seems to see me there

No answer to my helpless calls.

But now

The holes are getting deeper

They are draining me of my power

How I wish each morning this would end

With every cleansing shower

But the guilt doesn’t get washed away

All I did was go astray

Conscience Knocks at my Door

I’ve seen the ruin I faced

Everytime a new dream came

I’ve seen my fantasies crumple

Unapproved by my parents

I’ve been familiar with fear

Whenever an idea appealed to me

I’ve seen reality shake my dreams

So hard that it broke them

I know what it feels

When you are hopeless in the universe

And yet

Whenever I accused people around me

Whenever I desired to feel pleasures

Whenever I’ve tried to run from reality

I’ve known what guilt feels like


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157 Reviews


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Reviews: 157

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Fri Jun 05, 2020 11:11 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, Lee's here to review your poem!

I enjoyed reading both. There's a good choice of words, substantial imagery, and the topics themselves are pretty interesting. However, allow me to nitpick a little.

I'm not going to point out the spelling mistakes and typos that @Haraya already found, but I did notice not all your "I"s are capitalized.

It pounces on me whence


"Whence" does not mean "when". It means "from". So you may want to look at that.

The time sees and flies

Leaving me in a pit to loll


I read what you said to Haraya, but I still think "The time sees and flies" is altogether a little too vague. I really suggest you try to work on that line so that your readers can understand it better.
Also, are you sure "loll" is the right word to use here? It doesn't seem suitable, since it means to stand or sit about in a lazy way.

In the second poem, again, incomplete capitalizations, and in my opinion you have used the word "dream" far too many times. Four times. Even if you're trying to stress on that point, don't repeat a word so often and so closely.


Otherwise, I really like both poems. There are some very nice alliterations you've made, and while there is no solid rhyme scheme the sudden rhymes make for a pleasant read.
I particularly enjoyed the second poem. It was more relatable.
Good work! I hope to see more of your writing soon!
-Lee




anne27 says...


Hi Lee ! Thanks for reviewing. I'll look into my faults%uD83D%uDE42



anne27 says...


So here! I changed what you said. Please view it again and let me know if it's better?!



LittleLee says...


Yes, it's better! You forgot the "whence", though. But that was just my opinion. If you don't feel comfortable with this, you don't have to change it!



anne27 says...


Oh no that's not it. I forgot it amidst all the other faults
. And these nitpicks as you call them actually gave me a chance to improve. Thanks a lot%u263A%uFE0F



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Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:14 am
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Haraya says...



Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Haraya here to review your poem "The Inner Guilt."

First of all, I see you labelled this poem as Art. To change this, you can go to the Publishing Center. I think the setting is under Edit your Portfolio.

About me, I always appreciate good imagery and I read interesting ones in your poem.

"It gnaws on my conscience
Like a cat on its prey
It pounces on me..."

I liked this series of lines. Using "gnaw" was very powerful. It already implies the pain and pang of guilt is deep within you. Then you compare it to suddenness or predatoriness of a cat. It creates an immediate situation, where you were unprepared.

There were some vague lines in your poem, however.

"I hate it very much
It promises darkness to me..."

I wish you made the reader feel how much you hate the feeling instead of just telling us. How does it feel to be gnawed at by guilt? I think it would have been interesting if you had described it. The following line hard to picture for me. Maybe replace darkness with a more vivid image like storms?

"The time sees and flies"
I didn't understand what you meant by the time seeing. What does it see? I think you need to clarify this.

Nonetheless, many times when you used imagery, I'd say it was effective. How guilt creates holes and leads you to a pit and how showers don't clean it were really nice. It conveyed your message wonderfully.

Just some typos I'd like to point out:
"It gnaws on my conscience"
- the "i" in conscience has a dash

"It creates big hoes in the ground"
- I think you mean "holes."

"Leaving me ibn a pit to loll"
- I think you mean "in"

That's all! Sorry I couldn't review your other poem, but pretty sure there would be others who would happily do it for you. Again, welcome to YWS!




Haraya says...


Huh. I have no idea why this sent twice ._. . Anyways, kindly disregard whichever you don't like :D .



User avatar
37 Reviews


Points: 1608
Reviews: 37

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Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:14 am
Haraya wrote a review...



Hey there! Welcome to YWS! Haraya here to review your poem "The Inner Guilt."

First of all, I see you labelled this poem as Art. To change this, you can go to the Publishing Center. I think the setting is under Edit your Portfolio.

About me, I always appreciate good imagery and I read interesting ones in your poem.

"It gnaws on my conscience
Like a cat on its prey
It pounces on me..."

I liked this series of lines. Using "gnaw" was very powerful. It already implies the pain and pang of guilt is deep within you. Then you compare it to suddenness or predatoriness of a cat. It creates an immediate situation, where you were unprepared.

There were some vague lines in your poem, however.

"I hate it very much
It promises darkness to me..."

I wish you made the reader feel how much you hate the feeling instead of just telling us. How does it feel to be gnawed at by guilt? I think it would have been interesting if you had described it. The following line hard to picture for me. Maybe replace darkness with a more vivid image like storms?

"The time sees and flies"
I didn't understand what you meant by the time seeing. What does it see? I think you need to clarify this.

Nonetheless, many times when you used imagery, I'd say it was effective. How guilt creates holes and leads you to a pit and how showers don't clean it were really nice. It conveyed your message wonderfully.

Just some typos I'd like to point out:
"It gnaws on my conscience"
- the "i" in conscience has a dash

"It creates big hoes in the ground"
- I think you mean "holes."

"Leaving me ibn a pit to loll"
- I think you mean "in"

That's all! Sorry I couldn't review your other poem, but pretty sure there would be others who would happily do it for you. Again, welcome to YWS!




anne27 says...


hi Haraya! thanks for reviewing. well, some things are really vague i can understand. for eg. what i meant by time sees and flies was that people around me and my subconscious knows that im guilty, they see it but cant do anything. so time just passes but guilt doesnt go away. is that clearer?
anyway, thanks a lot:)




Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman