Hospitals now seem like death threats
You might ne'er come back once you go
And with 'test positivity ' going so high
Optimism is an all time low.
-
Getting calls everyday from relatives
Is slowly becoming a worrisome routine
As the list of people under healthy category
Is day by day, becoming more and more clean.
-
You can't meet them, you can't save them
You can't even bring them anything
That helplessness -of seeing people die!
Oh! Is there more distress that the world could bring?
-
Their own future is unclear to them
'Pray for me'- they ask of us
There's shortage of beds, oxygen and care
And disease is the only thing in surplus.
-
Even when we pray for all of them
Some permanently leave us cryin'
Others return- a little weaker, but
They resurrect our hope that was dyin'
-
And then we pray and we hope
That things will be better soon
And while some stars may be lost
We still might be able to see the moon!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Hey anne27! My name is Elinor, and I thought I would drop by to give your poem a quick review. I appreciate you sharing it here on YWS, as, like the others have said, this definitely something that feels right for the moment.
While I'm lucky enough not to know anyone who's had COVID, much less die from it, I know many others can say the same and this pandemic has affected all of us and our way of life in some form or another. Overall, I thought your poem got at the sense of how this has affected the entire world.
That being said, I definitely think there's room for you to tinker with it. I'd like to see more of the quieter moments that I think a lot of people struggled with throughout last year. Not wanting to go outside, having events get cancelled, being afraid you have COVID every time you cough, etc - to create a broad picture.
Thanks again for sharing your writing and I appreciated the uplifting message at the end.
All the best,
Elinor
Thanks a lot for the review Elinor! Yes, I do understand it would have been better if it'd been from a broader perspective.But at the time I wrote this poem- My class teacher had returned from ICU from a hospital so that was the inspiration and thought I wanted to convey. Next time though, I'll try to make my poems more relatable.
Thanks a lot again
Hi! I am here for a little review,
Your poem hits right in the heart. I too am living where there has been constant lockdown for weeks, the hospital beds are all full and oxygen cylinders are also in constant demand. I have developed a fear of phonecalls to the point I unconsciously hold my breadth untill I am assured that everything is fine and if its not then every breath becomes laden with sadness. So your poem very aptly conveys the misery of current times.
This paragraph is a wonderful opening. You have called hospitals death threats and i really like that metaphor because I have often heard from my sick relatives that if the end is indeed here then they would rather stay home than go to the hospital. So again great job at highlighting that.
The structure is great here, the rhyme, the punctuation and the way you have conveyed desperation and hopelessness through an exclamation and question is really well done. I don't think it needs anything more, to me it looks perfect as it is.
This is my favourite line in your poem, i like the imagery. I interpret that you have conveyed the moon to be a metaphor for a bright future and the fact that it fits flawlessly with the rhyme scheme ties it all together.
I can't seem to find anything that needs changing here. This poem is really something i would want to see in a history book someday in the future, for it conveys some of the most important emotions of these trying times very effectively.
Great job!! Its a well knit poem, Keep writing such awesome pieces.
Bye! <3
Thanks a lot for that review @Rodionandaxe ... It made my day
<3
Wow how appropriate this is for the times we live in now. This is very well written. Your poem has a good and discernible rhythm as well as rhyme.
Although the last bit with the stars and moon doesn't match well with the rest, other than that it is very good and well written.
I hope this was helpful.
Thanks a ton for the review TheWordsOfWolf!!