I met my dearest friend
Fondly called the wind
It brings me tales of the world
Which are troublesome
To her chagrin
She's gloomy at the moment
Sick and tired like everyday
Soaring up high constantly
Sprinting, with people sneezing
Making haters along the way
Her friends aren't well either
Workaholics: each becoming a breather.
The Sun has been in scorching pain
Now finally off for a vacation
Transformed into a rebel, the rain
Is now showing its arrogance
The Earth being burdened far too long
Has shook the nation
Again.
It's the end of the year
All efforts led to naught
The wind says,"Spirits are down
Maybe that's why winters are blue, fog grey
Gloom is all we've got.
No worries still, we tell ourselves
Things will get better when we wake
So we sleep through winter nights
Hopeful for a pleasant change
Praying for our own sake
And in the morn, the Sun peeks from the shore
Only to burn in pain once more...
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
hello hello! i’m lillianna, and i’m here to review your work anne! i hope this is helpful for you.
let’s start off with the first stanza: first off, the flow is amazing! i love the subtlety of the rhyming, so it’s not a younger twister but still has a sort of rhythm to it. i also like the personification of the wind. the imagery is superb!
next, the second stanza: i feel like, compared to the last one, it is a little bit of a different style. it sounds more urban, if that makes any sense? the use of “like” in the second line takes away from the poem.
the third stanza: i do like this stanza, however again with the urbanization of the poem. it takes away from the flow.
now the fourth stanza: i really enjoyed reading this. it’s very satisfying to read because it has this beautiful flow to it, and paints this wonderful image in my mind. you did a wonderful job here, it’s my favourite stanza. and the personification is beautiful as well.
the fifth stanza: this is the runner up for my favourite stanza. i love all the personification and imagery here. the comparison is wonderful. well done!
next, the sixth stanza: this is a strong ending to the poem. it shows just how ignorant humans are. we go to sleep pretending like the world will solve itself. the flow is wonderful, with the slight rhymes on the endings of the lines giving a rhythmic and almost song like feel to the poem.
the final stanza: i have to fawn over the personification once again. putting the sun in this position of pain when it is one of the most powerful things in our universe is incredible.
well done! i love this poem so much. i feel you and i have very similar styles, so that is probably one of the reasons why. you are such a talented poet, and i can’t wait to hear more from you. i hope this was helpful!
~lillianna
Thanks a ton lillianna!!
So glad to hear your opinions.. I'll look into the urbanisation part
Hello @anne27 ,
I think this was a very good poem. It condenses the difficulties of this year in very good way.
I liked the way you have personified the natural characters of wind,sun etc. I agree with the mistakes outlined by @Dest .
I hope to see more work from you.
It was really good.
Thanks a lot for the review Divyansh:D
Hello! Here are my thoughts.
First, I like your idea of humanizing weather, in a sense. You also gave me a feeling of nostalgia. I loved reading poems that rhymed when I was kid. They are some of my favorites and take a lot of skill to do well.
Very minor but remove the apostrophe.
This felt a bit awkward to me. Maybe it’s because I expected “during” or “through” instead of along with.
Extremely minor. Space between “the” and “shore”
I’m not sure if you intended this, but I get some major environmental vibes from this.
I enjoyed reading this!
Thanks a lot Dest. I'll work on my errors. Idk it may have sounded vague but the idea by writing along with was that winter night is also personified and the summer begins...but I like through more so I'll change it.
Also, we had a major earthquake yesterday and the increasing cold led to my writing this poem