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My Ailing Friend

by anne27

I met my dearest friend

Fondly called the wind

It brings me tales of the world

Which are troublesome

To her chagrin

She's gloomy at the moment

Sick and tired like everyday

Soaring up high constantly

Sprinting, with people sneezing

Making haters along the way

Her friends aren't well either

Workaholics: each becoming a breather.

The Sun has been in scorching pain

Now finally off for a vacation

Transformed into a rebel, the rain

Is now showing its arrogance

The Earth being burdened far too long

Has shook the nation


It's the end of the year

All efforts led to naught

The wind says,"Spirits are down

Maybe that's why winters are blue, fog grey

Gloom is all we've got.

No worries still, we tell ourselves

Things will get better when we wake

So we sleep through winter nights

Hopeful for a pleasant change

Praying for our own sake

And in the morn, the Sun peeks from the shore

Only to burn in pain once more...

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18 Reviews

Points: 41
Reviews: 18

Sat Dec 19, 2020 9:06 pm
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lillianna wrote a review...

hello hello! i’m lillianna, and i’m here to review your work anne! i hope this is helpful for you.

let’s start off with the first stanza: first off, the flow is amazing! i love the subtlety of the rhyming, so it’s not a younger twister but still has a sort of rhythm to it. i also like the personification of the wind. the imagery is superb!

next, the second stanza: i feel like, compared to the last one, it is a little bit of a different style. it sounds more urban, if that makes any sense? the use of “like” in the second line takes away from the poem.

the third stanza: i do like this stanza, however again with the urbanization of the poem. it takes away from the flow.

now the fourth stanza: i really enjoyed reading this. it’s very satisfying to read because it has this beautiful flow to it, and paints this wonderful image in my mind. you did a wonderful job here, it’s my favourite stanza. and the personification is beautiful as well.

the fifth stanza: this is the runner up for my favourite stanza. i love all the personification and imagery here. the comparison is wonderful. well done!

next, the sixth stanza: this is a strong ending to the poem. it shows just how ignorant humans are. we go to sleep pretending like the world will solve itself. the flow is wonderful, with the slight rhymes on the endings of the lines giving a rhythmic and almost song like feel to the poem.

the final stanza: i have to fawn over the personification once again. putting the sun in this position of pain when it is one of the most powerful things in our universe is incredible.

well done! i love this poem so much. i feel you and i have very similar styles, so that is probably one of the reasons why. you are such a talented poet, and i can’t wait to hear more from you. i hope this was helpful!


anne27 says...

Thanks a ton lillianna!! :D So glad to hear your opinions.. I'll look into the urbanisation part

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Points: 133
Reviews: 2

Sat Dec 19, 2020 2:13 pm
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Divyansh Dubey says...

Hello @anne27 ,
I think this was a very good poem. It condenses the difficulties of this year in very good way.
I liked the way you have personified the natural characters of wind,sun etc. I agree with the mistakes outlined by @Dest .
I hope to see more work from you.
It was really good.

anne27 says...

Thanks a lot for the review Divyansh:D

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76 Reviews

Points: 908
Reviews: 76

Fri Dec 18, 2020 3:57 pm
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Dest wrote a review...

Hello! Here are my thoughts.

First, I like your idea of humanizing weather, in a sense. You also gave me a feeling of nostalgia. I loved reading poems that rhymed when I was kid. They are some of my favorites and take a lot of skill to do well.

Is now showing it's arrogance

Very minor but remove the apostrophe.

So we sleep along with winter nights

This felt a bit awkward to me. Maybe it’s because I expected “during” or “through” instead of along with.

And in the morn, the Sun peeks from theshore

Extremely minor. Space between “the” and “shore”

I’m not sure if you intended this, but I get some major environmental vibes from this.

I enjoyed reading this!

anne27 says...

Thanks a lot Dest. I'll work on my errors. Idk it may have sounded vague but the idea by writing along with was that winter night is also personified and the summer begins...but I like through more so I'll change it.
Also, we had a major earthquake yesterday and the increasing cold led to my writing this poem

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Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Fri Dec 18, 2020 12:21 pm
lonelyboi says...

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest