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Sand

by anne27


It's falling away

Particles so small

I try to hold it but it escapes

It doesn't want to be with me

I try to plead with it with water

From my eyes

In the hopes

That it will solidify and stay

The loose sand of self esteem

But the powerful gust of wind

Coming from others

Is too strong for it.

It leaves me

Broken than ever

The few particles I have

Are also fading away

I try to evade the wind

Of other's powers

So that I too can create mine

And suck the sand back

But the gust of wind of some others

Is too strong for me to even focus

On my work.


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75 Reviews


Points: 1159
Reviews: 75

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Wed Jul 21, 2021 2:36 pm
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ChieRynn wrote a review...



Hi there! Here to leave a short review. Be warned I'm not the best poet, but recently I've developed an interest in poetry so I thought I'd review some pieces.

First off! The meaning of this poem was easily understood, and yet still left room for the mind to wander and for an individual to apply the meaning to their own life. The analogy of shifting sand that's blown by the wind represents for me personally how hard it is to remain steadfast when the troubles of life keep trying to wash you away, if you will. This poem is thought provoking.

One thing I noticed is that your...pacing, if you will, is a bit choppy. It is hard to keep with the rhythm of the poem when the lines are cut so short. I personally would try to match the syllables in a distinguishable pattern if you want to make this piece flow better. It doesn't have to rhyme by any means. In fact, I don't like rhyming poems that much. But simply matching the syllables and keeping to a pattern helps the poem seem much smoother.

I think poetry is one of those things that are a little subjective, so there's definitely room to be original. That's one of the things I love about poetry. Don't be afraid to branch out and try new techniques! This poem was in interesting read and I was glad to leave a short review. Good luck with your writing!




anne27 says...


Thanks for the review!



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Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:52 pm
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Rosewood wrote a review...



Hey, Rosewood here! 🌹

Just stopping by for a short review, I'll give you my input, but feel free to ignore what you don't find helpful.

I'll start by saying I agree with silented1's comment, the two "It's" isn't needed.

I try to hold it but it escapes

It doesn't want to be with me

I try to plead with it with water


Secondly, this might be just me, but the wording feels a little clunky. This could go either way though, one positive and one negative. I like that "I try to hold it but it escapes" and "I try to plead with it with water" have the same theme with the repeated word in each line. But since this method isn't used again, it kind of takes away from the rhythm.

From my eyes

In the hopes

That it will solidify and stay

The loose sand of self esteem

But the powerful gust of wind

Coming from others

Is too strong for it.


Ouch, this really resonated with me! I really like the metaphors you used with the sand and wind, which created loose images in my mind. And I think it was a good idea to reflect back to them throughout the work.

But the gust of wind of some others

Is too strong for me to even focus

On my work.


Again, I like the way you give us this conclusion that perfectly sums up the message you were giving. Personally, it left me feeling almost hollow, which in a way, is definitely better than if I were still cheery. Beautiful.




anne27 says...


Thanks for the review!



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278 Reviews


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Mon Jul 19, 2021 5:27 pm
silented1 says...



Remove the second "it's" in the first two lines.




anne27 says...


Thanks !




If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
— Woodrow Wilson