If I study a whole day
Get tired and still go on,
But after a week of overworking
There seems darkness even in dawn
And then I take a day off
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
When I work hard for a project
Give my blood and sweat to it
Go unappreciated by my flesh and blood
In the next project, I hesitate a bit
And do it with cold blood
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
When I help everyone in my class
Give them anything they ask for
But then they don't give me any,
So I close my opened heart's door
Since they walked out of it so carelessly
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
When I apply things on myself everyday
With due caution and care
But stressed at the moment
Forget my daycare
And even though it shouldn't really matter
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
If I obey my parents, what they say
Go by their rules at every point
But they ignore my effort and scold me
For my mistakes, I get defiant and disappoint
But my flaws become tiring to me since
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
When I'm inside my books every minute
Away from my electronic's screen
But take an hour or two at night
They start thinking I'm an addicted teen
And I might as well be now- 'cause
That's when people
Judge Me.
-
When I tell them what I want to be
They say its impossible- I say," Not so"
'Cause I want to be someone who never judges
Peeps inside the mask they put on for show
And I'll do it for you, I promise
And expect you to not
Judge Me.
Note: Don't judge me on these thoughts! These are mine alright, but they may not be in future. But then again, you can Judge me all you want, as I'm not going to judge you for judging me.
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
This website is titled the Young writers society.
This poem describes the struggle of youth and how a youths merits are judged and compared.
The majority of childcare and school systems tend to reject pathos and demand children be "logical".
I would argue that the entire school system is based on the teachers Judging you.
Perhaps societies do not practice what they preach because we refuse to teach what we preach.
Along with that we have the expectation set by ourselves to never resemble the people whom hurt us. In a manner by rejecting our parents vision of perfection we fall into anew unreal standard, never hurting anybody else.
How real.
Thanks a lot for the review JohnKlue!! I do agree with what you say
Hi anne,
thought I'd stop by to leave a review!
I'm sorry if this is written from personal experiences! It can be very difficult to feel judged and overwhelmed when you're extending what's really your best efforts. Hopefully writing this poem helped in processing some things if that's a real-feel for you! <333
Meaning
I like that the speaker was reflective enough to see the whole pictures of their efforts - the people they're interacting with don't see or appreciate what's happening under the surface - but in every instance the speaker tries their best. The ending was an interesting turn too, that despite how judged the speaker feels, the thing they want to be is someone who doesn't judge! They want to turn the tables, without taking revenge on the people who have hurt them. That wasn't the ending I was expecting, but brought some emotional complexity to the poem for sure! (In a poem I think it's always a little bit more "real to life" for the poem to depict layered / complex emotions, that come in different shades. ie. a poem that is all sad, sad, sad or happy, happy, happy can feel rather dull / fake. But adding another layer like sad, sad-fear, sad-hopeful -> makes the emotions complex and I think even more hart-hitting. In this poem you add some emotional layering with that last stanza offering a bit of grit and resoluteness to the speaker - that despite feeling so weighed on by everything else around them, the little bit of hope they're hanging on to is not to fold and judge others. Nice work!
Repetition
I thought the repetition of the "judge me" throughout the piece added good continuity and struck home the point that the speaker may be overwhelmed by the insistence of all this judging. I'm not sure why you chose to capitalize the "m" in Me but I'd be curious to know the thought behind it - I don't think the refrain needed it just purely for emphasis because it's already really prominent in the piece being the title and repeated in every stanza, I don't know that more attention is needed with the capitalization that didn't seem to serve another purpose outside of emphasis.
I'm not sure you needed quite so many instances to make the point within the poem - but it didn't feel so long that it got boring, so you may have hit the right balance with the repetition of the stories.
Metaphor and Figurative Language
One aspect I'd love to see more development in this poem would be in figurative language. You have a few examples - like "giving blood" and "opened heart's door" but the images aren't laced together or continued from stanza to stanza - getting a few concrete images (maybe that "heart's door") and expanding on them more and lacing them from stanza to stanza I think would make the poem all the more striking and really bring the point home in a poetic way.
Flow
I think the flow of the piece could be improved upon a bit too! You might find it liberating to try writing this poem without worrying about how many lines are in each stanza - or following the repetition formula exactly. There were a few places the regular repetition stilted flow - like in stanza 5 where that line is ended in "but" and it drops off abruptly.
This section also flowed a little stiltedly -
It's kind of a run-on sentence and then that dash is put in a place where I don't think it helps connect but actually divides the thought more. Usually breaking up an article (a, the) and the noun it belongs to really breaks up flow because people want to read those together - especially when the lines each have a new capital word, the brain pauses for a moment interpreting it as a new thought. So it reads
The individual phrases become very isolated and broken up and make it harder to understand the sentences as one thought. Moving "the" and "next" to the same line will improve that section a bit for flow I think!
Overall
Overall, this was an enjoyable piece to read! There was a nice stream-lined message that as a reader I really appreciated that I left the poem feeling like I was really understanding what the speaker was getting at. My favorite stanza is the last one with that resolute and strong ending message.
Keep on writing!
~alliyah
Thanks a lot alliyah for that wonderful review! It sure helped me a lot. I did try to change the three things you said. Please tell me whether it made the flow better, worse or just the same? Also, about the lacing part, I think its absolutely true but I'm finding it a little hard to apply that to every stanza
. Maybe because the wrong metaphors are used? Please suggest
Oh yep! I think you made some good changes for flow!
Hmm on the metaphor thing, it can be tricky finding one metaphor to kind of weave through - maybe the concept of something breaking open? or you could refer to the pressures / judgment as like baggage being loaded on to the person. Like "I pile the day's work on my shoulders" /// "you load your criticism on to my back" // something that gives a little more imagery to your statements. Might not be able to apply to every stanza, but could help lace a few of them together with something like that! Good luck!
Thanks a lot for the suggestions! I'll sure work on them
Hi!
I absolutely love this piece. I love those poems which express raw emotion, without beating around the bush or sugarcoating, and this is definitely one of those. It's also great how you've kept a consistent rhyme scheme without straying from the topic. The whole thing simply rolls off a reader's tongue, your word choice and phrasing are really good. As MapleWay says, the repetition also contributes greatly to the poem, and keeps the words on track.
It really is sad how people look into the cracks just to find negatives and judge, and I think that's portrayed wonderfully in this poem.
I really loved the last stanza, it ties up the whole thing nicely.
This poem has no faults, it's perfect as it is.
Keep Writing!
Thank you for such a heartwarming review Phillauthet!
Hello, anne27! hannah0528 here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!
Glows:
Wow, this was a heartfelt poem. I can totally relate to people only seeing the worst in me, and that is really hard. I liked this finish to all of the other stanzas:
"When I tell them what I want to be
They say its impossible- I say," Not so"
'Cause I want to be someone who never judges
Peeps inside the mask they put on for show
And I'll do it for you, I promise
And expect you to not
Judge Me."
I love this so much. It is sad, but happy and shows a lot of perseverance and determination and staying true to yourself. Great job!
Grows:
I didn't really find anything wrong with this poem. I thought it was spot on. I won't judge you on your thoughts because I feel them sometimes myself.
I hope this review was helpful! Keep writing and have a great day!
hannah0528
Thank you for such kind words hannah!! I'm so glad you liked it
And the review was definitely helpful- in both ways, for my writing and also it helped to uplift my mood!!:)
of course, anne!
Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a short review!
This was a very cool piece! I can tell you worked very hard on it! (Also, a quick note. I won't judge you on your thoughts. They are your's and your's only! Anyways, back to the review!) My favorite part about this poem was the repetition. I know I say this a lot but I think repetition adds so much to a poem. It gives it a very distinct feel and makes the poem memorible.
So anyways great job! Keep up the great poeting!
- Maple
Thanks a lot for that review Maple!! It means a lot to me
So glad you liked it!
No problem! And sorry I posted it twice >.> I just realized that.
Oh its OK !