I used to spend so much time with you
You behaved like a devil with me,
You sucked all energy out of my life
I kept waiting for an apology.
_
It never came, I felt suppressed
The knowledge that you controlled me bothered
The people around me looked so happy
But I was with the charger- tethered.
_
It didn't seem fair, you made me sad
I used to love your company once
Now it was the only company I had
Away from my books, I felt like a dunce.
_
Those could've been one of my worst months
The worst pain brought by a friend
I was teary and swollen-eyed for days
Wishing your ways you'd soon amend
_
It happened one day- quite surprisingly
After I had left you for a while
It felt like you had missed my attentions
You truly valued me now- that made me smile.
_
I'm so joyous our friendship returned
Where I and you have equal controls
You trouble me so less these days
Not even asking for a couple more scrolls.
_
I feel your presence so helpful now
There when I need you, silent otherwise
You stop doing anything as soon as I ask you
I don't even have to check twice
_
And as I write this poem for you
I know you're there, but you don't disturb
I went from heteronomous to autonomous
Thanks to you, I feel superb!!
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Canary word: Present
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Ahh this is an excellent poem!! As illy said, it's awesome how this poem shows both the good and bad sides of technology. And I also appreciate that you ended it on a positive note, with the narrator realizing that moderation is best (at least how I interpreted it)! Okay, on to some specifics...
Ooh I though this was a powerful line, it really emphasizes how draining the relationship was! ^-^ (It definitely can't feel good to have your energy sucked out of you... :p)
This line is super relatable too; so often we look at others and think that they're better or happier than us, when in fact that's usually not the case. So I love that you addressed that here!
Okay, this might just be me, but I thought the "books" part was a little random? It didn't seem quite related to the technology/friendship theme. I wasn't entirely sure what your purpose for including this part was, although of course I might just be missing something here! ^-^
Ah yes! It's definitely important to have a good balance within a friendship. I'm so happy the narrator was able to realize that and change their relationship for the better c:
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem and I hope you keep writing!
Thanks a ton for the beautiful review Spearmint!!
Well, yes, it does look like random but I had meant it in a way that the phone was taking so much time that I didn't wish to do anything else- not even reading books which was my favorite earlier. So I felt really stupid and away from myself.
Any better substitutes?
You're welcome for the review!!
And ohh I get it now, thanks for clarifying! Totally optional, but if you wanted to change it, you could maybe try "Unlike my old self, I felt like a dunce" or maybe "Away from you, I felt like a dunce" (if you wanted to highlight the fact that the phone was an obsession). But it makes sense to me now, thanks!
And also thank you for this wonderful read! ^-^
I love this poem because it represents how technology and the internet can be used as a friend and a helper but also as a weapon. It also shows how you must limit the relationship between the media and yourself to stay healthy. I just adored the way that you have dedcribed your phone and you as a friendship that has to be respected and perhaps changed. The triumph at the end and how the narrator feels 'superb' also gives a hopeful and positive side to technology and that there is a way to stay happy without ignoring the internet completely.
I really enjoyed reading this poem.
Thanks for that superb review illy !!
Glad you liked it.
No problem