Young Writers Society

I love this poem! The portrayal of worry of a lightened emotional state is so relatable. You beautifully portrayed that strange medium of joy and anxiety and confusion that we sometimes have when someone feels differently than us. It is filled with the innocent naivety we all crave as our ignorance is washed away by the horrors of the world and the poem is showing that thin middle before we cross that line away from complete joy.

There are some great uses of rhyme scheme and also good uses of repetition. There is also good use of form as well with with each stanza having a consistent rhyme scheme and also each stanza has a unique topic to it despite all of the topics being unified under a single theme. I'm still trying to figure out the message a bit (that's not the poem's fault, I'm just bad at figuring out a poem's theme) but from what I can tell so far, this is a great poem.

You are "on cloud nine" yet worried that "your joy will turn into depression"-a sad mental state to be in, since the worry, by merely existing, destroys your happiness and sets on the almost inevitable path leading directly leading directly from the heights of Mount Olympus into bowels of Hades-especially since, in writing about your worry you have crystalized the thought, like an invisible breath made fog, a sort of "tangibilization" if you will, of the cold and uncaring doom around you? Metaphorically Hades is that hellish fugue sate of mind, which for most of us is always threatening, like a mass of thunder clouds hovering just outside our field of vision, to burst into our field of vision and replace our bright sun with deadly lightening, just as suddenly as Zeus's abrupt and violent anger. In hell or Hades, religious priests tell us are sent to suffer thanks to our own actions and choices...could the action of writing this poem seal your fate?
You'll forgive my using ancient examples, no doubt, just as you used the ancient word "thee"- but, alas, as a Reviewer, I felt it stood out like Hephaestus (the lame ugly blacksmith god) wandering New York city in a poem that otherwise used such thoroughly modern terminology such as "cloud nine -even if it was cute, and even if, in the end, this was an enjoyable and light and fun read about your mental issues?
(I would re-write the first stanza to take out "cloud nine" in favor of a phrase that better fits with words like "thee" and "shroud" and "gay", which sound old fashioned.)

Hi Grace here for a review.
First things first i 100% agree with starlitmind that you been writing so much lovely poetry lately.I really love your work it like inspires me to work on my poetry skills.I love how you described how happiness feels, also how show that some people are not happy out there. I have have the same questions every time i experiences happiness, like will it last or it is there to stay.I specially loved stanza 3, like it is surprising to see other people not happy. I just love how you pointed that out, how you questioned of how their happiness was lost and like what really happened. When i read the first two lines l was like whoah, i loved how it rhymed. Overall it was a great poem and keep on writing can not wait to read more of your poems.

Hello there, anne! You've been writing so much lovely poetry lately, and I decided to check this one out! ^^

Ooh, I like the bleak realization that the speaker comes to in the end. I feel like what you've described in this poem is a defining moment when you grow up: realizing how fragile happiness is and that not everyone is going to be happy, at least not always. The last stanza expresses a fear of also losing that happiness, and I think that's a sad reality. It did make my heart clench, so I think you did a lovely job with the overall message and theme of this poem! I also loved how you were consistent with your rhyme scheme; that made this an even more enjoyable read :[I[[/I]) I'm going to look at different sections regarding your poem!

Word Choice/Language

I love the different words you used to describe "happiness," like "gay" and "gaiety," instead of using the same word over and over again; it adds variety to your poem. I also think the phrase "gaiety be buried in the shroud" is super neat -> in my opinion, it's your strongest line because it's such a vivid image, and "buried" makes the fear of losing happiness stronger.

I do think perhaps you could use more specific words throughout the poem, like you did in the last line, to make this even more powerful. I'll give you a few examples c:

I am on cloud nine

I'm smiling inside my head

My mind is so excited to see

I've got so many, I'll share some with thee.

Everything is just so fine

I've got so many, I'll share some with thee.