I remember the days online
Joy was spread
Yet fear was felt
But we tried to reassure one another
That it would all be alright
When we couldn’t even think it ourselves
Your eyes glistened as your camera appeared
Hair straightened shining in the sunlight,
From windows of your home
That you may never leave
Tired, too incredibly tired
To turn on my camera
And to let my straggled hair be shown in shadows
That I may never overcome
Your voice echoed through these 4 walls
Sounding dear so sweet
For only the windows of your home
That you may never leave
Terror, too much terror
To speak to muted thoughts
Through a dark, colourless screen
That I may never overcome
I see your emotions
Fear, worry and never ending hope
In the windows of your home
That you may never leave
My feelings are messed around
I am scared, I am anxious, and yet I believe I can hope
In the windows of my poor home
That I want and need to leave now
I hated the days online
You wasn’t okay the whole time
And yet you still tried to reassure me
That it would all be alright
When no one could even think it themselves
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey, Quirks! Lee's here to drop off a quick review!
This poem manages to captivate your audience quite well because of how relatable it is. A lot of us have been badly affected by this pandemic, and many of us are still living through the wave of change it brought. The anxiety, pain, uncertainty and depression caused by the disease has surfaced well through the words in your poem. Good job.
Bit contradictory, isn't this? I mean, if you take out just the first three lines it makes sense, but add the rest and the second line's value is questionable. Joy was felt, yes; when schools were closed. "Yet" we were afraid; that's already providing a contrast. So why a "but" to imply another contradiction?
It's natural to seek reassurance when we're afraid, after all.
I quite liked the refrain here, along with "That I may never overcome." It captured the essence of this pandemic perfectly. I have to applaud you for doing that.
Hmm. On what note did you seek to end this poem? For a moment there was a sign of hope, not giving up, and then it's back to something a little gloomy. I did like the effect, but if it was unintentional you could give it another look and see if you want to leave, modify, or change it.
I can't comment on much else because this is a personal poem. Nitpicking would feel quite weird. But you've displayed talent and are worthy of praise. Good work! I hope to see more of your writing around.
~ Lee
Thank you so much. Your comment is much appreciated x
Hello there YourFriendQuirks08! Incoming review!
Did you mean to put weren't? One other thing I would suggest to do is to shorten some of your lines that kinda stick out when you look at them. While just looking at them doesn't look nice, it throws off the flow a bit.Message
It's truly frustrating how the days only seeing people virtually were, and for some still are, tiring. The message really brings forth that we're trying to comfort one another when we can even help ourselves. But we still try. Something about having our own screen be black is more anxiety enduing than having our camera on. It's one tough thing to go through. You still want to be with friends, in fact it's even easier, but things are just not the same.
Formatting
I love how each stanza is made to be on the other side. It also switches the focus from you to your friend. The ones formatted on the right are mostly about your friend and the ones on the left are about you. But something interesting is that the last 2 stanzas are about you. Its almost like you forgot you are trying to talk with your friend and you are left spaced out, alone with your thoughts. I also like how each last line that correspond with you or your friend have the same ending line. But the last 2 lines line up with the first 2 lines. It gives your poem a sense of cohesiveness. Good job!
Grows
The biggest thing I could see was this line,
But that's All I have, beautiful poem with a beautiful message. Feel free to take the stuff you want and ignore the stuff you don't! Have a nice day! Anyway byeeeeeeeeee<3
Thank you so much. Your comment is much appreciated x