What is the constant that changes forever?
What is the equation that has no answer?
What is the rebellion that repels inertia?
From Ireland to Cathay, the Moon to Mercia?
Oh my dearest love, you love it to the fullest,
You smile, you sigh, you want yours to be the coolest;
But even if it isn't, even if it's the most mundane of all:
It's worth all the same, as long as love does befall.
It strives to exist, it exists in the strangest places --
Without water, without heat, without the sun's graces,
Without eyes, without ears, without any senses --
It still goes on, sings its song, and bears no pretenses.
By now, it should be clear, for 'tis something you hold dear:
'Tis not something we care for but still it's brilliantly clear
So, my love, hold no inhibition nor the faintest farce of fear --
Answer me, my bosom, for mine you do steer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hiya, Rebel! Alex is back with a review on this poetry series. You know how this goes so let's get started ~
I'm still in awe with how much you're able to convey about the couple with the difference in their writing styles. They're nothing alike- one using rigid formats and repetition to impact in a rather anchored way, while others goes with the flow of her thoughts, still inculcating simple rhymes whenever possible. Both poets, but one is a performer while other does them for her own unrefined pleasure. The efforts that went behind them are really commendable!
I can definitely juxtapose the pattern of the first stanza with that of Lavender's previous poem, and the similarity is definitely obvious!
Personally though, I found this line to be a little disconnecting. I get that it's just a random bunch of places to depict how-
Spoiler
Love how rich this line is! You summed so much in just a few words..
Although these didn't contribute much to the text material wise, they sound GREAT together! Overlapping syllable count, the recurring 'without' building a sense of unconscious rhythm, and still making some sense, staying relevant to what it's trying to say and yet being different enough to not drag on the same argument, but to add to it- briliant!
This might've been a little too wordy though.. The sentence length looks the same, but the syllables are awfully stressed that make it difficult to read effortlessly. I get it how you're trying to showcase Lavender's style as forced, but are you sure it's a poetic choice and not your own shortcomings you're hiding behind? =D
Don't worry, I'm also guilty of that it times, just explain the mistakes as plot liberties, but we'll never improve that way. I think Lavender's tense poetic rhymes can be conveyed even without making this line so complex- please see to it as you like!
This sounds a bit ambiguous- do you mean
Spoiler
I believe it could've been worded differently to convey the meaning better.
See, this is also a tad hefty, but it works and sounds good. It's not broken like the songs line I previously pointed out, and flows exceptionally well. This might actually be my favourite line and an impeccable subtle hint at Lavender's restrained poetic style.
I'm actually really stoked, as I figured out this answer all by my myself!! (Maybe my unconscious mind from the next poem's title helped but I swear I did the thinking XD) (Ik you make these riddles easy, I'm just dumb and not very good at them. The poem is amazing too, though ranks a little lower than Lavender's previous one. But I'm sure the theme has much to do with afterall, so it's all right.
That's all I have for now, until next time ~
Love,
Alex
Continuing the replies --
I mean, I am pretty sure we went to the moon several times.
I dunno about the "...bears no pretenses" line being a tad wordy, it rolls right off the tongue when I read the entire stanza out loud, especially after the 'without' sequence. However, the 'brilliantly clear' line does come off a bit heavy now that I read it again. I will replace it with '"Tis not something we care for yet it's brilliantly clear" as that sounds better despite still being heavy. "Brilliantly clear" is an intentionally redundant phrase that, in this case, refers to light -- in the sense of 'shining clarity'. I hope that makes it more 'clear'.
Thanks again for the review!
Yours sincerely,
The Rebel
Ah rebel, it feels like this poem got an Interface spoiler, given the name of the next one in line =D
(You love it to the fullest, anyone?)
I really like the vibe of this poem. As someone who also really, really loves life and all the strange and wonderful ideas people can come up with, I can get behind Jasmine’s declaration in the next poem as an answer to this one!
I like how you managed to include all the unlikely spaces we have found living organisms in such a poetic way. I bet if we ever find life in space, you’d find a way to include that here too :3
The only line I don’t like in the poem is this one: “It strives to exist, it exists in the strangest places –” but I do like how the next one kinda makes it a bitter better with the unforced rhyme.
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
Thanks for the review, Tikaya! :p
Forced rhyming structure is kind of a theme in Lavender's poems while Jasmine prefers vers libre. Also, lol, I guess yeah, the answer is already given out by the next poem. Personally, I prefer to keep the riddles kinda easy or medium difficulty in average for the normal reader, but this was kind of a giveaway lol
Thanks again! :p
I like the riddle vibes that the poem gives at the beginning, asking questions that may or may not be rhetorical, maybe just wanting to be said rather than looking for an answer.
Then I like how it rhymes, i really like poems that rhyme and I like how simple these are, most of them are just the end of the word repeated exactly. I have always been bad at reading and understanding poetry but the vibe that I get around the poem is whatever the subject is about is something like an emotion or a feeling maybe, I might have completely read it wrong.
Thanks for the review, aquarious!
I am glad that you like the rhyming structure, it's a prominent feature of Lavender's poetry -- the persona writing this poem -- and it's used to ask questions to her love, Jasmine, who answers the riddle in the following poem! It'd be great if you could check it out, no reviews necessary!
I LOVE LIFE!!! (By Jasmine)
Thanks again! :p