The mirror can lie, it doesn't show what's inside. Heya. I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would when I heard about Demi Lovato being ill. < Google it. This is for everyone young and old who have sometimes felt unworthy, not pretty enough or anything else. This is for all of you! Btw credit for the title and quote at the beginning up there goes to Demi Lovato.
You don't have to be afraid,
I know what's inside of you,
There's no need to feel ashamed,
Just show the world what you can do,
If you feel you're heart break,
There's always someone who is there for you,
Don't pray to be beautiful,
when that's already you,
Pray to wake up happy,
And see what you can do,
As wide as the ocean,
Your heart will stay the same,
You just have to believe in you,
And push away the shame.
If you want to love others,
Just start with yourself,
Only you can change the future,
You can create it by yourself,
A smile can take you so far,
Don't leave it on the shelf...
I know this has a lot of errors and all that but this was just written on the spot and I wasn't aiming for a masterpiece or anything, just to make people feel a little more positive like we all deserve to feel =]
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer, for this piece I understand trying to be nice but as things go this isn't a great piece, it just seems more like instruction than a poem. But perhaps I should elaborate on my harshness, which I shall do to help improve you.
Okay, essentially you got a poem that seems more like advice than poetical, it feels your on the phone to one of those people who help you out with problems. It seems less than poetical, it also seems like instructions like you get on the video, and we never really manage to feel anything to be honest. It's just a poem that's not a poem, the elements don't ring, it seems like it should have more, like cases, or something --- not a good thing, it shouldn't need examples, as poetry never really relies on that, instead trying soak the mind in utter splendour. Not the case here.
Overall: I understand what you're trying to do, all I think is you should try be a little less trying to help through a poem, and instead try write a piece that gives the advice but also exercises our minds. I hate to be harsh on this, but this just isn't a poem.
Sorry. I at least hope my advice helps.
Here's the Vamp, come to review
Very nice.
First, title really caught my eye
Legend:
Blue - Spelling/grammar mistakes
Green - Things I would change
Red - Comments
Anyway, this is just my opinion, but I hope it helps!
Vampyre
Hello!
WOW I loved it so much, it is very inspirational!
I do have one suggestion, maybe put it in this format the stanzas will make it stand out more!
~The A and B's on the poem show the rhyme scheme.
~The Blue is what I added capitalization and periods.
Overall I love the message of the quote and the wonderful meaning to gave me. Truthfully it gave me insight to a better life that I can live. The truth of this poem shows in so many ways.
Please keep writing, you are a wonderful writer!!
XOXO
colie18
That's a really pretty and inspiring piece. There's a comma at the end though so did you do it on purpose or is there more to it? Other than that I thought it was really nice.
Keep writing 