I wrote this when I was told to make a decision about leaving home.
Two paths cross my heart,
And I don't know which to choose.
I could win, I could lose.
The darkness of consequence,
Will tear me down,
And I need to tread away.
The burning beams of sunlight,
Await my decision,
As time slips through my fingertips.
If only I were a child,
And had no choice,
I would consider anywhere to be my home.
Take the heart from the home,
And that's where you'll find me,
Trotting through distant memories.
Being pulled down when I'm nowhere near tall,
Made and forced,
To feel so small.
I get ripped apart,
Like the pages in my notebooks,
I get played just like the strings on my guitar.
But I'm wise enough, don't underestimate me,
You can stare,
But you may not really see me.
I wonder is there anything,
Outside of this town,
Which has chewed me up and spit me out.
I sigh and I tilt my head upwards,
My decision must lie,
Somewhere over the rooftop.
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139,636 Literary Works • 672,636 Reviews
This poem is very simple, yet quite lovely and easy to relate to. I agree with the others in terms of their critiques, however I would also like to add that in the first stanza when you say
The " I could win, I could lose" part, to me, disrupts the rhythm...no need to rhyme since the rest of the poem is written in free verse!
Rita
Okay this was very good. I really am touched by this poem, since I am also having this debate with my parents before college. I agree with Miko. That line
it's a weird line. It doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. It could be "I am played/ just like the strings on my guitar." Or something like that. I would keep the same structure as the two previous lines in those lines.Other than that, it is completely beautiful. I loved your metaphors and the way you kept the poem flowing, excluding that one line. Magnificent!
I really like this poem! No, seriously, I mean really like it because it's touching. Maybe because I've had to take this decision a few times so I know how it feels. I only have a problem with one stanza:
Thant's all I have to say and keep these lovely poems coming!