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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Heyy,
I really like you're writing style, it really helps portray the poem beautifully.
There are few grammatical mistakes, try correcting those. You should consider re-writing a few lines, just to improve the clarity of the poem.
I love the second last stanza, it's beautifully written.
It's a job well done.
Keep writing ~
- Dreamergirl
Wonderful, reminds me of the stuff I write still to all the women I meet. Only a few errors on lacing some of you King James' speech.
"... can |thy| hurt a soul so harshly?"
should be...
"... canst thee hurt a sould so hershly?"
'Thee' is meant to mention someone else, and 'thy' is posessive. 'Thou' means 'You'
ex. "Thou writeth grand poetry."
So, "...sign off thou heartsick name,"
should be...
" ... sign off thy heartsick name,"
And all else I found was a few lines that could be re-written, but only in my opinion. It could be your writing style. All in all, I felt the effort in this. This is a wonderful job well-done.