Yeah, so this is based off of a friend I know who went through a hard time a while back. Don't be too harsh, but be honest! Title credit to Paramore..Here you go:
She wants nothing more than to be content, if only for a minute.
They tell her she’s fine the way she is and still she won’t believe it.
They think she’s just being dramatic, though her face is the palest shade of white.
They have no idea what she’s doing when she’s out of sight.
She looks at them and grins as she silences out her cries,
But little do they notice the smile does not reach her eyes.
She tries to justify what she is doing as she swallows another pill.
She falls asleep yet again, unable to find a will.
What should I do? She asks herself as she looks at her reflection.
She refuses to ask for any help, she’s afraid of the rejection.
It will never get better she tells herself. Of that now she is sure.
For no medicine can cure this pain but, somehow she wants more.
For a living person she is merely awake, getting weaker by the days.
Nearer now to a deathly escape, she lifts her hands and prays.
Please god let there be sun, I really am in need.
I’ve only just realized what I’ve done and that some wounds are better left healed
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139,636 Literary Works • 672,636 Reviews
Hi! I liked this piece A LOT it's really good. I hope your friends okayy. You shoul have added one or two more stanzas to your poem so we could feel more of her grief and sorrow but its good without it.
I'd appreciate it if you reviewed my nonfiction story"All Because of a Boy. . .". I just posted it. Thx.!!!
<3:
Layla
i won't say neat, or cool i don't believe that is appropriate for this poem.
how about deep and touching?
but i like it.
PS any paramore influence?( on the title)
Wow. Nice poem; really deep feelings behind it. I agree, the last line is a little out of place...maybe try something else on that line?
Hi this is a very nice piece you wrote.Alls I can say is watch where you place the commas.
It can have a major effect on the rythm of the poem.
For example:It will never get better(,)she tells herself. Of that now she is sure.
What should I do? She asks herself(,)as she looks at her reflection.
I see parallelism and its a nice literary device your using! Good job!
For a living person she is merely awake, getting weaker by the days.
Nearer now to a deathly escape, she lifts her hands and prays.
Please god let there be sun, I really am in need.
I’ve only just realized what I’ve done and that some wounds are better left healed
I personally don't believe the last line matches. Make it shoreter and stick as much as you can to the syllable count!
Its a real nice piece keep it up!
What a beautiful poem is just wonderful how you captured your friends feelings. keep working that hard, you have a great talent
I really love it! It reminds me of someone I care. I understand the poem. You did a very great job.
I like this and it was stong to me until the last line. I don't think the last line ties in with this. Otherwise great dob.