My Stupid Teenage Essence

by SakuraFallsSweetly♥

Published March 21, 2011

In Poems

OK, I just wrote this. It's about being...well, me! It's just something simple and lacking in smart words, but I hope you like it! Here:


Fear is what keeps me going when I feel like giving up,
It seems like one hand was dealt wrong, and the other's out of luck.

My hatred keeps my image going, my wall that never cracks,
It sheilds away the intelligence and decency I lack.

With one swift motion, cold words have made me shatter,
I've been told I wasn't good enough, which makes me work even harder.

I hide away from who I am, like a child scared of a clown,
I make you smile and make you laugh, when in your tears you drown.

I'm flawed with try too hard perfection and it makes me self resent,
I'm the distance loving daughter, with money wrongly spent.

Roses make me feel sick, they make my heart feel sore,
Though I'd secretly like a dozen red ones, sent to my front door.

I'm stupid so I tell myself, and I repeat it every day,
I don't believe in God, but when I'm in danger I pray.

I fall in love too easily, with boys that I've just met,
But I'm just a silly teenage girl and I don't know nothin' yet.

Comments & reviews · 20
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XxjustmeXx
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XxjustmeXx commented Comment · Apr 12, 2011

I don't really like rhyming all that much, but this was actually pretty good. I can deffinitely relate to this easily. Great job and good luck on future writes.

lovethelifeulive wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2011

Oh
My
God
You did such an amazing job with this peice.
I adored your analogies and especially the ending!
I agree with you on everything and loved reading it! You are so creative with your writing and have a beautiful way of expressing yourself. The title drew me in from the start and I am just baffled by the truth behind your words.
Thank you so much for posting it and I hope to see more breathtaking peices like this from you soon!

midnightpoet21 wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2011

I really liked you poem but I did notice one small thing wrong with it.

With one swift motion, cold words have made me shatter,
I've been told I wasn't good enough, which makes me work even harder.

It doesn't really flow with the rest of the poem, and it also doesn't rhyme like all of the other stanzas. Other than that, I really liked it.

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PinkPanther
Review
PinkPanther wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2011

I think this is my favorite so far! It's really good! I think the- "Lacking in smart words" is what made it so melancholic. It's really a beautiful poem, so much truth to it! It describes the teenage essence perfectly- how we kinda create a wall around ourselves and hide our insecurities, and just try to figure out who we are. Very nice.

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Reebz
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Reebz commented Comment · Mar 25, 2011

Wow. Sums up teenage life perfectly!
The flow of it really manages to keep a person intrigued the whole way through. (:

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armstronge
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armstronge wrote a review Review · Mar 24, 2011

GREAT! I love it! I like the emotion, and it's wonderful! :D Nothing much to say after that though. :)

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VousEsEtonnant
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VousEsEtonnant commented Comment · Mar 24, 2011

I felt like you had stalked me and wrote down my life. :D great job!

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kslaught Review
kslaught wrote a review Review · Mar 24, 2011

hey this is great!
its so relatable and fun.
you said you were lacking "smart words" but i dont think a good poet needs big words at all.
keep it up :)

aspiringauthor17 wrote a review Review · Mar 23, 2011

Wow! This is extremely good!!! And you know what, when the poetry is good, there is absolutely no need for words that are "smart"! I think you did an incredible job, and all I can say is... keep writing!

Lindsay

"Keep your feet on the ground and your thoughts at lofty heights."~me

MadameLuxestrange commented Comment · Mar 23, 2011

I loved this soooo much! The best part was the last stanza where you talk about falling in love too easily... that's me too! You've got great talent :D

alwaysbeininspired95 commented Comment · Mar 23, 2011

i lovveeeddd that! my favorite is the stanza about the roses...SO true. hahah this the best, it made me laugh and think and i love writers who can do that!

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JointyCat Comment
JointyCat commented Comment · Mar 22, 2011

BEUTIFULL, but sad it brings out ALOT of emotions I believe sad things I mean well good job can't wait to read more by you!

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Wondergirl59
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Wondergirl59 commented Comment · Mar 22, 2011

Ohmigosh! This is super cute! I really like the last line. It had a really nice flow with the rhymes. Great job with it. :D

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BehindtheMask
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BehindtheMask wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

I loved this! The entire poem is beautifully written, and your convey your emotions perfectly. I can REALLY relate to it too. It shows many different emotions and thoughts in a small poem, which in this case is good because it's really well-written!

The only thing I'd suggest is to change the last line from,

But I'm just a silly teenage girl and I don't know nothin' yet.


to "But I'm just a silly teenage girl and know nothing yet." (Or something along those lines) Just because I'm really picky about the whole double-negative thing.

Fantastic job!

~BTM

harshita3chaarag wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

hey... Just want to tell you...that it was really nice and I think without all those 'smart words' it was really good... the flow was so smooth and relaxing and I really liked it very much...:)
keep it up
Harshita...

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lele253isme
Review
lele253isme wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

I like this, and for a poem lacking big words it portrays a strong feeling of emotion that captures the life of a teenage girl. The lines I really like is:

I'm stupid so I tell myself, and I repeat it every day,
I don't believe in God, but when I'm in danger I pray.

User avatar
Photon Review
Photon wrote a review Review · Mar 22, 2011

Interesting. I kind of felt this minute shadow of depression, until I finished reading everything. I like it! As stated in previous reviews/comments/replies, the rhymes you toyed with were fluid and appropriate! I also related to the part about prayers which was cool.

Much obliged.

Kudos. Keep it ^

CreativeXpressions wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2011

Hi!

Aww, I loved this, really cute. I know not the best word choice. Anyways, despite it not having descriptive words, it's nice, it's just a simple poem, about well, you. I also thought it has a nice flow to it, it's definately catchy. Not all poems, have to be the same, it's nice to have variety, simple ones, or really descriptive ones. Just like the review above me, I agree, I thought you captured adolesence, I could relate to some of the stanzas. Overall, great poem, hope you keep on writing! My favorite stanza was:

"My hatred keeps my image going, my wall that never cracks,
It sheilds away the intelligence and decency I lack."


- Roxi

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Miyakko
Review
Miyakko wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2011

Hi SakuraFallsSweetly♥,

This was really great! I loved how it rhymed and it flowed really well. Maybe you could even push it a bit more, and go a bit deeper to express darker, richer teenage emotions. But I think you captured the initial essence of adolescence beautifully!
Well done!

Best wishes for future writing!

Miyakko.



"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland