The One Alone.

Hey there, Sakura!

This piece is short and sweet, so I'll keep the review the same.

Beginning with your first line, I want to bring focus to the redundancy of your feeling: "I am alone, I feel alone." Redundancy in poetry should be a tool--a very specific tool used to add to an idea. However, in this instance, you just restate it, but in a bit of a weaker way. My challenge is that you shy away from directly stating your feelings in a poem verbatim. Now, this is expanded a bit later on, but it doesn't really justify the bold statement.

Now, I'm a fan of the imagery in the second couplet: the mention of an all white middle of nowhere. At the same time, though, you still restate your idea just before the mention, calling it a snowy road. Now, either one of the images states your claim well enough (though I'd much rather you use "all-white middle of nowhere"). So consider your image here, imagine how to expand it, bring more life into your meaning and description.

Think of it as cooking: ingredient A doesn't change when you add more ingredient A to it. But an ingredient B can give you something completely different: the flavor of an ingredient C, but it keeps the elements of both. Does that make sense? So try adding more, changing things, to emphasize.

Your central idea is solid enough: loneliness, frantic lack of direction. When you feel this (which is an emotion that's really easy to relate to), what other images come to mind? More than snow--give me that.

As far as the lyricism of the piece:

Today I am alone. I feel alone.

-- -- --

Just me. On my own.

Just me.

Today I am alone; I feel alone. ((Nice start))


Like I am in the middle of a snowy road,
in a plain white, middle of nowhere ((I don't really understand this line. Maybe it could be phrased better?))


I am frantic about it, searching for an end
at either side but there is none. (( Nothing here, just a nice stanza))


Just me. And the snow,
the wind and the long road ahead (( I love this stanza))

Just me. On my own.

Just, me.

Nice poem!

Greetings!

it had good structure, good flow, good imagery. but i think at some points i have to agree with yuriko, it doesn't leave the reader anything. the repetitions work good, though.
the description of being alone was done quite simply and i liked that. it was short and fun to read. also, people can relate to it.
hope to read more of your work.
Puck

Hello there!

It's been months since I've reviewed anything here so I'm warning you in advance that this might probably be a little vague when read- but I hope you can get at least the gist of this review. haha ^^

Onto the poem, I don't think this doesn't leave your readers anything. It just feels empty/bare right there, like a line drawn on a paper and nothing more. Don't get me wrong-the simplicity of the poem is a charm, however, there wasn't really a point in terms of giving your readers a message. Alone here, alone there- seems repetitive that it actually comes off uninteresting. What I would probably suggest is being more creative on how you play at words or giving it a twist of imagery-something like that. In terms of your grammar, this is pretty clean and neat. But just like I've said before, having a good grammar isn't enough, it should also have a good prose and imagery (try applying figures of speech).

Hope this helps.

Keep writing,
Yuri

Hi there!

Alright, so I like the general idea of this poem. Honestly, this is how I feel most of the time so I can totally relate to this.

The structure of this is good. I also like the imagery you used. The metaphor with the snow is great. I can really imagine it. I also like the snow so that's a plus for me. Anyway, there isn't any rhyme scheme which I like. Sometimes when poems rhyme they end up sounding like forced rhymes and that bothers me. So, yeah, good job on this poem.

Comments/Suggestions/Critiques:

Today I am alone. I feel alone. I think you should put a semi-colon here instead of making this two sentences. I feel like it will flow better. And it's really one idea anyway.

Like I am in the middle of a snowy road,
in an all plain white insert comma here middle of nowhere. I suggest changing 'in an all white middle of nowhere' to 'in a plain white, middle of nowhere'. The word plain fits better with the other words in this sentence. It also paints a great picture

I am frantic about it, searching for an end
at either side but there is none.
I love this stanza. So simple, yet powerful.

Just me insert period here And the snow,
the wind and the long road ahead.
I think you should change this to two sentences because it'll sound like an after thought. As if all the speaker is thinking about is the fact that they are alone. But then they notice other things around them. Make sense? It adds to the emotion in this.

Just me. On my own.

Just, me.