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140,610 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Hey, Sakura, I'm here to review. :]
So, I feel like this was a bit dry/overdone. I didn't really feel any impact until the last line (at which point I said, "YES! I like it!" XD). But I need to feel that way about the ENTIRE poem, not just the last line.
The problems lie in the fact that you fail to really break away from what's been done before, and it then lacks the emotional punch that you want it to have. I didn't feel as though you completely had a secure sense of concept, and without that blueprint kind of drifted off.
Try breaking away from convention and really making this your own. I think there's definitely potential, but you have to get away from the cliches of nightmares, schools, etc. to do so.
Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx
Hi Sakura!
Wow. That was fantastic. I feel the same. There is no critique on this. Just... wow. I feel the same way sometimes, with school, getting ready for college, and all of the stuff my brother does. It was so relatable and so fantastic. Keep writing, I can't wait to see more from you!
~Pencil