So run, from them, from them. Full speed ahead, you are not useless we are just, misguided ghosts. Travelling endlessly, don't need no ropes. Infact, they follow me, they echoe me in circles.
Watching myself,
repeating myself,
always trying to cheat myself.
What went wrong?
I was so close.
I could smell my fate,
it shivered my toes.
Was I not to die?
I thought I was,
It's what I wanted,
How was it wrong?
They didn't care,
But neither did I,
So long I lived,
just wanting to die.
Curiosity had stuck in my head,
What would it feel like,
to sleep your life dead,
So here I lie,
when will it come?
Too short a date,
have I set it upon?
Do my eyes tear for no reason?
Maybe it's the cold,
the lonely wet season.
Winter, not a happy time,
If not for the weather,
I'm sure it'd be fine.
I wait for the sun,
I wait for the hero,
to beg and plead me not to go.
But I should say this into a mirror,
it's me that needs help,
it's me that is bitter,
I look inside behind the looking glass,
a creepy appearance,
I cannot let pass,
Did my hair always look like that?
Was it always so dull,
was it always so black?
I thought my skin was a bit more tanned,
a glowing cold white,
as I touched with my hand.
Maybe I shouldn't,
'but maybe you should!'
Shut up, stupid brain,
you won't do any good!
Sit here and wait,
'til the season passes,
spreads some love,
with the tree's golden ashes,
A thought of mine,
turned to and from deception,
I'm just a misguided ghost,
of my own reflection.
I'm quite the fan of rhymes! Ha! Let me know what you think. What I was reaching towards with this poem was that in the beginning and for most of the poem, it was kind of (very) negative. But, towards the end came out with a new outlook and told something a little bit true. We are all misguided ghosts of our own reflections. Everything these days seem to revolve around our appearance, money, fame and blah blah blah. It's a fact! I believe it anyways. So feedback would be great! If you would like a review from me then put the link in the review. Peace out!
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Wow, I just love the metaphors! Keep it up, I'd love to read more from you.
Ah, Misguided ghost is my favorite song by paramore. When i saw the name i knew i had to read it. ^.^
Maybe I shouldn't,
'but maybe you should!'
Shut up, stupid brain,
you won't do any good!
I love this part, mostly because i often find my self, telling my self to shut up.
Ah, Misguided ghost is my favorite song by paramore. When i saw the name i knew i had to read it. ^.^
Maybe I shouldn't,
'but maybe you should!'
Shut up, stupid brain,
you won't do any good!
I love this part, mostly because i often find my self, telling my self to shut up.
Thanks for the review guys, and to the first review there, thanks, but it's just kinda my style =] I wanted it long and choppy.
But thanks for the review! and I'll definatly be doing some revising next time.
I really loved this poem! It's definitely one of my favorites of all time. I think that you could use just a bit more solidity in your train of thought, perhaps, but I liked it! The only thing I had troube with was the rhyme, stanzas, and the punctuation. Be a little more loose with it! Forget the rhyme and punctuation and let the thought process flow. This had a very good message and some lovely metaphors. 'Till next time,
Liggy
Hello I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer. This poem had some good but more bad, to explain it seems like it more than one poem, and seems extremely disjointed, it's like a mess of stanzas without a clear idea what you were aiming for. Of course there is certain zingers that struck me, so it's not all bad. I shall list one that stands out most.
I just love the metaphor of sleeping your life dead, it's original sounding and it makes sense in certain way. I feel that it's a superb delivery and proves you can write well, this piece just doesn't capture it.
Now, what really destroys this piece is it seems like different poems, similar style but different poems, for instance from just looking over once, I found this collection and thought these here on their own would make a great poem, not amazing but great.
This seems like a complete poem and on it own, delivers quite well and works. Now with the rest not so much, so perhaps you should consider splitting this into more than one poem, perhaps 3 (They do say it's the magic number). Overall valiant attempt, but you should try say less in your case, and deliver it in drib and drabs.
Hope this helps.