I think I know,
And I think they're right.
I think my soul has taken flight.
I think I love him,
I'ts been a year,
I'm wondering why I'm still in tears.
I'm starting to wonder if he was real,
I think I need to hurt to feel,
And know that I'm not crazy.
I need to trust my loyal friends,
They won't hurt me, they'll try to mend,
But you have my soul, please give it back,
You've taken a red rose and made it black.
Title credit = that movie by Wes Craven. All credit goes to him and other rightful owners.
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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Hey, guess who!
You're right! It's the 'Pyre!
Well, I have to say to start with, I absolutely loved this. It was beautiful, it was meaningful, it was deep, it was beautiful, it was emotional - and did I mention it was beautiful?
As always though, it's not perfect, so I'll go through it and hopefully help to take it just that much closer
So, I hope this helps, and again, I really, really loved this!
'Pyre
Hello!!
So, I think this is a really good emotional poem. The ryme is good, it may be better is you had a set rhyme scheme though. Like have the first two lines of a stanza rhyme and then have the next two rhyme. I think you need to add another line to the thrid stanza. I really like the last line, about the rose, it is really good!
Fix the rhyme and this is great!
Best of wishes to you,
~Rain~
This was wonderfully written. I hope you continue to write more.
~XOXO Cassie~
Wow, I really liked this. It was emotional and told a story but I don't feel like the story was finished. I feel like there was more you could have written. I can really relate to what this poem is saying though. I had my first love pass away very suddenly of an unknown brain tumor/heart disease in May. He had turned 18 11 days before he passed. I still wonder sometimes if our relationship in his last year could have been different, if it would have changed anything. My thoughts lingering on that was him taking a part of me with him, or hanging on to a piece of me still here.
Nice work.
XOChangeXO
Well, very good poem! It has a lot of mixed feelings, and is on the verge of those Gothic-Twilight types, but not totally there, which I like(those things are getting old :p ). I especially love the rose part, for they are my favorite flower. Pretty good diction as well. No real corrections to make. May I just ask why everything is in italics?
That was a wonderful poem. It was really well written. Sometimes, rhyming makes poetry seem childish, but it really fits well in here. You may have noticed the bold words in your poem. It seem as if you're talking about two different people; at first someone you loved, but then to a person you loved. It is a little confusing for me.
Oh my goodness. This poem is excellent you are an amazing writer! This poem is very similar to something that happened to me last year, and I got around it by writing. I am glad to know that I am not the only one in the world. No changes keep up the good work.
i think this is a really emotional poem
it's got the right context to it and gives a bit of the story line to it
enjoying how the lines weave in and out of each other ith every rhyming word
try to add a tad more detail to the poem
can't really fin anythign more to comment on because it's good really enspiring!!!