Young Writers Society

Hi there! Just dropping in a small review for you!

Warning; Since i'm new to this whole thing and writing itself, I am not too critical about my reviews because of my lack of experience, oops!

But before I say anything else I want to say that i love how I was able to imagine what was going on (like the setting and mood) through your tone and choice of words. I love poems like these because they are so deep and can mean multiple things.

I enjoyed how you tried to make it rhyme a bit, and I do also love how the "lack" (< feel like that word doesn't capture what I am trying to say) of words throughout the poem easily show a setting and the scenery you tried (and succeeded!) captivate to all of us readers. This poem really caught my attention and made it delightful to read and create an image in my mind.

Though the breaks and the structure was a little bit all over the place, I guess it just depends on how the reader reads it :3

But otherwise this was/is a beautiful poem all together, keep up the amazing work and I look forward into reading more

Hello. So, I can see that you've tried your best to rhyme the end of each 'paragraph' for the most part, you did well. The overall look of this poem, I suppose, is rather confusing (to me at least). I see that you gave the sentence a 'break' to give them a 'tempo' as I like to call them. This can be a good thing, just make sure that the reader can fully understand the sentence, for example, I couldn't really get what you meant for the first sentence (or am I just being a terrible reader?). And from that point onwards until 'In front, a garden,...' is slightly wonky, other than that, it's generally alright.
I did (hopefully) get what you are trying to tell. And the general idea is quite easily grasped. And I liked how you contrasted the scenery outside to the man's (maybe) exhaustion and greyish emotions (?).
That's all I have to say about this, please forgive me if I made myself a fool and got the wrong idea, I wasn't too good at 'decoding' poems, as I like to say. But your piece is one of the few that catches my eye. Keep up the writing, and you will definitely create a much better work in the future. And by the way, I do like this poem.