I understand how my silence injected coldness
to the air. My eyes, half-closed, were like
analyzing your every move.
And here I am to confess
willing my eyes to go anywhere but you
is like willing the steel to escape the magnet;
an impossible task as you give them a purpose.
I find my spectacles improved my view
of others, but you had once said it reflected
my focus to myself.
You brought up my silence to combine with it
and presented an uncomfortable representation
of myself. You showed me Narcissus.
I will tell you, love, that when Narcissus
crouched unmoving over his reflection
on the cursed lake, I am the Water.
I shook and blurred the heavy image in me
as the most beautiful man in the world
was not Narcissus, but you.
If I am the Earth, you are the Sun.
If I am the Shadow, you are the Light.
I am a mere planet that cannot give brilliance;
I would suffer those who live on me
were it not for you, the center of attention
that provides warmth.
Sometimes you brought a smile
to my face by the simplest of joke;
other times, you showed me
not all the ways I took in life
were shrouded in darkness.
You told me there was a guiding flame
in my hand if only
I acknowledged it.
Am I worthy of you?
You, whose death would compel others
to breath out your name for eternity.
Sometimes, in the corner where
you were not there, I prayed to Cupid
to rip our hearts in half
and sew yours with mine.
I am trying, love, to peel the mask
off my face bit by bit each day,
so that you can see me beyond the illusion
I had made to survive.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Hey SirLight, here for a Review Day review,
Positives:Beautiful imagery and a wonderful whimsical, but heavy tone that you've got playing here. I quite love it when someone takes words and thrashing them around on the page like some made fool, but all the while pays attention to the minor details that build up good writing, and that's what I feel you've done here. The edges are a bit rough, but it only lends to the nature of a solid core.
This little jump into reality and the nature of a relationship, especially that of "love," I felt was a good tactic. That third line really drives home the point that we are all selfish, even when we don't think we are. It lent me a glimpse into the deeper nature of things.
I loved picturing this in my mind, because it's such a terribly wonderful thing to do. And the altering of cupids role really was something special.
Negatives:
While this stanza wraps everything up in a small way, I don't feel that it does justice to the piece you've written here. Just ending with another clip back to the past, but never really going anywhere makes me feel like there should be a little bit more, or something of that sort. I'm just not sure where I ended up, though the journey there was great, but now I'm left standing somewhere in your vision of the poem, but not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be seeing. I feel that you could think it over and really plant something here that would let me know.
Overall:You've got a good hand for writing art, and not just words. Everything flowed well and besides it being a bit too abstract at times, it was a great read.
I give it:
I loved this poem! The title really captured the essence of the poem, something I personally find really difficult to achieve. I agree with the previous comments talking about your vivid imagery. The contrast between darkness and love was really touching. The whole poem is very touching and I don't even know what to critique. Brilliant job
)))
I am in a rush, so I apologize for being so abrupt. This was a good poem, and I enjoyed your vivid imagery. I liked the theme, and you seem to have a strong command over the English language. My only complaint is the length. While long poems are okay, I think the problem were your stanzas. They should be cut in half.
Other than that, I liked your work, and I hope to see more from you.
- Holden
This is absolutely beautiful. <3
Thanks!
Hey! Eat here for a quick review!!
To begin with , I really liked your title "Confession of a Stone-heart Lover" . It really draws attention in an extremely powerful way .
Continuing, I must say that I liked this poem . The emotions you portrayed were really strong . Your reference to Narcissus and the Lake was really nice too. Quite apt , and to the point . Well done .
Well , my nitpicks would mainly be about one thing . I feel that this poem is a bit long . If you broke it into parts , it would not only make the poem easier to read, but will also generate an element of suspense amongst the readers .
Who doesn't like surprises ?
So, overall , it's an amazing work . You can be proud of it .
Cheers !
Merry Christmas.
Regards,
Ejay
Thanks for the review!