Philosophy of the Dark
Chapter 32 (still)
-Promise
-To Tell All
-And all shall be told
-On Both Accounts
“I’m so sorry Jamie,” Tammy said, wiping off her face with a napkin. “I
should have never left you. I knew what he was doing, and I just left. I
couldn’t handle it. It’s all my fault…it’s all my fault.”
“No, Tammy,” Jamie reached across the table and laid her hand on top of
Tammy’s, “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known what was going to
happen. He would have gotten you too if you hadn’t left. I didn’t want that.”
“Jamie, I’m supposed to protect you, not put you in danger.”
“I wasn’t yours to protect at the time.”
“You didn’t think so. But I did. Not because you were my stepdaughter, but
because years ago I swore to protect everybody who had been through it.”
“What?”
Tammy took another napkin and cleaned off her face some more.
“Everybody who had been abused.”
“Why?” Jamie asked, handing her yet another napkin.
“Because I was one of them.”
“You mean, your father…” Jamie’s voice trailed off. Tammy shook her head.
“My mother. She was bi-polar. Sometimes she wouldn’t take her medication
and..” more sobs erupted, another napkin was added to the growing pile.
“Do you still remember what it was like?” Jamie asked.
“No,” Tammy shook her head, “Remembering is just another way to admit
that you forgot. I’ll never forget it. Jamie, it’s something that will always be
with you. To this day I still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking
she’s out there somewhere…waiting for me.”
“What happened to her?” Jamie asked.
“My father turned her in one day, he took me into the police station, and
showed me to them. When she found out she…” Tammy had to stop as
fresh tears poured out of her. Jamie had never felt as if there was
somebody she could relate to, and here, sitting before her was the very
person who knew it all.
“She murdered him.”
It was said so quietly that at first Jamie didn’t hear it. It took a few
moments of sylables rearranging themselves with letters before it made
sense.
She murdered him.
“Tammy,” Jamie began.
“Don’t say you’re sorry. Please don’t.”
She didn’t. Her words were caught in her throat.
“She was sentenced to life in prison. I was sent to live with my aunt and
uncle for the next few years until I turned eighteen. That was when I
decided to be a lawyer.
“It took a lot of hard work to get where I am now. A lot of lawyers don’t win
as many cases as I do. And I swore that one day I would work on a case
like mine. An abuse one.
“Then I met you, Jamie. And from that very first time I saw you, I knew. I
recognized that raw emotion in your eyes when you looked at him. It was
that moment I knew I couldn’t stay. It was too much for me to handle.
“But I couldn’t leave you with him either. I knew what he did, and as long
as I was there he couldn’t do as much. Your mother wouldn’t protect you.
That’s when I started working on your case.”
Jamie was crying now too. Quiet tears ran down her face, dropping audibly
onto the table.
Tammy’s hand landed onto her own this time, and it was too much to bear.
A shudder ran through her as she broke down. Tammy walked around the
table and wrapped Jamie in a tight hug. She held her for some time as
both of them cried. For each other, for themselves, and for everybody else.
“It’s alright, it’ll be okay,” Tammy repeated.
And for once in her life, Jamie believed it.
***
The beast. The burden. The truth.
So many things I must live with. That so many other people must live with. I am not alone, so why does it feel that way.
I suppose at some point in life we all go through it. That
aloneness that nothing can heal. Even when you know that there’s
someone there for you, you can’t help feeling they’re not. Help is just a
figment of your imagination. Nobody’s really there.
Then something happens, and it hits you coming full speed like
a train you can’t stop. And for once, the beast subsides and help becomes
real.
You’re never alone. If you take anything at all from life, let it be
that.
There is always somebody there for you, but they can only do
as much as you’ll let them. The only aloneness in the world is the kind you
create with pure will of mind.
___________________________________________
Chapter Order-
32
32cont.
32still
30:2
33
Chapter 30:2- Ortega COMING SOON!
End of chapter
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Can you forgive my immense stupidity?
Ignore anything I said previously about it "not making sense".
And, so you know, this stuff in between the not cool court scenes spices it up.
I'm just dumb...
This made me giggle...I just wish I knew what it meant... =D
-JC
Cor.
Lumme.
Lawks.
Raxacollikophallabatoriaxe.
Emotional stuff here. And powerful, too. I don't think there was anything wrong with this, and I really liked this line:
Great stuff here, if morbid and unflinching.
-Twit
Being through something helps, a lot. I've actually never been through Jamie's situation (thank goodness), but writing it is surprisingly easy, even to fit in all the emotion. Some of what Jamie says, her writing, is personal-ish...but I don't know. Thank you though, I really appreciate hearing that it's true.
I'll see what I can do to add some stuff between the dialouge...
once again, thanks!!!!
-JC
*Hides tissue and wipes eyes quickly*.
I feel like you can only ever write something that true and emotive if you yourself have been through something traumatic. Maybe I'm wrong??
Anyways, I loved the end part in first person. That's what got me.
I'm a fan of dialouge but there could have been a few more breaks in-between talking.
Great work,
Alainna
xxxxxxx
Yes! Emotional stuff. My only nitpick here is that dialogue isn't always everything. I know it moves along the story well, but I feel like I'm drowning in the talking and the feelings they create every now and then. Glad that you're posting a whole bunch now, at least! =]