POD 26 -This Calling -On both accounts

Philosophy of the Dark

Chapter 26

-This Calling

-On both accounts

The rest of breakfast was silent and quick. Tammy didn't open the briefcase, and Jamie didn't give her any reason to. Finally it was over, and after splitting the bill, they awkwardly left.

Jamie sat in her car, waiting until Tammy was out of sight before pulling out of the parking lot. She had nowhere to go, no friends, no family. Except one.

Her heart speed, she checked her watch, visiting hours. Jamie drove to the

hospital, stopping to calm her nerves along the way.

The first room of the hospital was the main room, there were a few people

sitting around, some with running noses, others with casts, and one in a

wheelchair. Nurses dressed in colorful scrubs busied themselves handing

out clipboards and typing names with other information into the computer.

Jamie walked past them and went down a white hallway until she reached

the gift shop.

There were bouquets of pink and blue balloons, stuffed storks holding

diapers with congratulations written on them. Jamie walked to the far wall,

covered with cards.

There were more baby cards, a lot of get well soon's, but there were no

sorry's. Jamie scanned the wall, until she found some blank cards. She

picked one, it was all black and had a candle in the middle.

After paying for it she went back into the hallway, where she sat against the

call, holding the card in her lap. She pulled a pen out of her pocket and set

it against the paper, wishing this were a hallmark occasion so she wouldn't

have to write it. Somehow it was harder to be personal than caring.

***

Richard...

I mean, Dad. Heck, I don't know. You. Okay, forget

the names, I'm just nervous is all. I shouldn't be, but I don't know how to

say this. The two hardest words to say when you know they wont believe

you.

Dad, I'm sorry. For everything. But I need you to

know, I need you to believe me, it wasn't my intention, and I know you

probably don't like me very much right now, but it wasn't my fault. And I

hate saying this to a person in a comma, but it's your fault. You need to

control your anger. You need to control yourself, or this is just going to

keep happening. And I don't mean the whole hospital thing, I mean, what

went on between me and you.

Mom still loves you, and she hates me for what I've

done, everyone hates me for what I've done, I think even you do. I just

hope that when this is all over, maybe we can be a family again. When you

and mom can be together for the rest of your lives, and maybe, when you

can look at me with love in your eyes. I'm so sorry. Please believe me,

even if the judge doesn't. Maybe, if things end up bad, and I get taken

away to who-knows-where, you can visit me, maybe that can be your way of

forgiving me. Promising me that things will be different.

I need you to know that if you don't visit when I'm

gone, I wont see you when I get out. I'll move away, and it will be as if I've

never existed to you. Who knows, maybe that's what you want. But if it isn't

I would love to know.

Love,

Jamie.

***

She read over the card one last time before capping the pen and storing

it safely back in her pocket.

The elevators were at the end of hall, outside of them was a map of the

floors.

Intensive care unit, Fourth floor.

Jamie stepped into an elevator as a group of people walked out, there was

no music in it, just beeping whenever she pushed a button.

At the fourth floor she got out, and memory took her the rest of the way

toward Richard's room.

There was a nurse in it checking all the numbers, writing them down on a

clipboard.

“Are you here for him?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Jamie said nervously.

“Name please,” the nurse said, writing down another number.

“Uh...” Jamie stalled, debating on whether or not to make a fake name.

“You're her aren't you?” The nurse asked, “You're Jamie.”

Jamie nodded, squeezing the card in her hand.

“You know you're not allowed without police escort,” the nurse observed.

“I know,” Jamie said.

“Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave,” she said, turning back

toward the beeping monitor.

“I just...” Jamie began, “I just need to know...how he's doing.”

“I'm sorry dear, but I can't do that unless you have the proper escort.”

Jamie's heart dropped, “Could you give him this when he wakes up then,”

she said, “I don't think I'll be coming back to visit.”

The nurse looked at the card she held extended in her hand, finally she

took it.

“Thank you,” Jamie mumbled, the nurse nodded.

Jamie left the room, pausing for a minute, staring at the numbers nailed to

the door before turning around and walking down the hall.

“Wait, Jamie,” somebody down the hall called out. Jamie turned, it was the

nurse running toward her.

“Jamie,” she said again, she was holding the card in her hand.

Jamie stopped and waited for the nurse to catch up.

“I just wanted you to know, he's doing much better,” she said when she got

closer.

“Thank you,” Jamie said, slightly baffled.

“No problem, I just thought you should know.”

“Why?”

“I've read your story, in the newspaper,” the nurse said, “and I'm sorry

about what you're going through. Good luck in court.”

“Oh,” Jamie said, “thanks...”

“Have a nice day,” the nurse smiled and then went back down the hall to

Richard's room.

POD 27- To say or not to say, NOW POSTED