POD 32 cont. -Promise -To tell all

by JC

Published May 27, 2007

In POD

:!: Here you go Meeves =D this one's for you! hehe. Enjoy! :!:

Chapter 32 continued

-Promise

-To Tell All

They walked into the smell of fresh ice cream and candy.

“You call this breakfast?” Tammy asked skeptically.

“You call IHOP breakfast?” I bantered back.

“We all have our things, don’t we?”

Jamie smiled, “I guess we do.”

“Hi there, welcome to Coldstone!” A girl said cheerily from behind the

counter. She had long blond hair pulled into a loose ponytail and a visor

over it.

“Would you like to test any flavors for free?”

“No thanks,” Tammy said to her, “I’m feeling adventurous here today.”

Tammy walked up to the glass where all the flavors were displayed.

“Hey, Jamie, come here,” she called out excitedly, almost childlike.

“Yeah?” Jamie said as she reached the glass.

“They have pancake batter!”

Jamie laughed, once again realizing how Tammy still seemed like a

teenager in some ways.

“I’ll have a small pancake batter,” she said to the blond girl, “with…

blueberries mixed in.”

The girl, whose crooked nametag revealed her as Sydney, went to work,

scooping and mixing exotic ice cream concoxtions.

“Leave it to you to find IHOP in Coldstone,” Jamie said with a sigh.

“It was your idea, remember?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, “Hey, Tammy, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure,” Tammy was observing the cakes.

“What made you decide to be a layer?”

Tammy looked at Jamie, there was a hint of fear in her eyes.

“Order, and then we can swap stories,” she said.

Sydney turned to Jamie next, “and for you?”

“Vanilla with Oreo’s,” Jamie answered.

“You’re really boring,” Tammy said as Sydney got to work.

“Depends on my mood.”

“And what is that?”

“Curious,” Jamie said. Sydney finished the order and handed the ice cream

to them.

Tammy led them to a small round table near the back of the store where

she was sure nobody would be able to hear them.

“What are you curious about?” She asked, digging a white plastic spoon

into her ice cream.

“You said ‘swap stories’, it made me realize that I really don’t know much

about your past,” Jamie said, “it makes me wonder.”

“A lot of people don’t know about my past. I like it that way.”

“So why would you tell me?”

“Because, it’s something you need to know,” Tammy ate her first bit of

pancake ice cream, letting a satisfied look glaze over her eyes.

“And that,” said Jamie, “is what I’m curious about.”

“Like I said, tell me your story, and I’ll tell you mine.”

Jamie took her first spoonful of ice cream before starting, “where did we

leave off last time.”

“Richard’s razor,” Tammy answered.

“Oh yeah,” Jamie said, “it wasn’t long after that before you came along.

“I remember seeing you for the first time, thinking about how much you

were just like the others. I figured you would stay until my dad got fired

again, and then leave. That’s what everybody was like.

“Then I realized that there was something different about you. You cared.

And maybe, you even knew what he was doing. I didn’t realize that you

were different until you talked to me that one time, at the lake. When you

said you were going to leave. It was then I knew I could trust you.”

Tammy was looking down at her ice cream, pushing a spoon around in it to

mix it up even further.

Jamie looked down at the table before continuing.

“And then you left, and though I was happy, I knew the shit was about to

hit the fan.”

“What happened?” Tammy asked.

“The night you left…”

Jamie said it. Everything she thought she could keep from the world came

out of here. The whole time she told it her voice stayed strong, as if it had

happened to somebody else instead of her. And then Tammy did

something Jamie never expected.

She cried.

____________________________________

Chapter orders...

32

32cont.

32still

30.2

33

:idea: NOW POSTED!

Chapter 32 (still)

-Promise

-To Tell All

-And all shall be told

:idea:

Comments & reviews · 9
User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · Jun 18, 2007

Sorry it's confusing...and don't worry about being cruel, everybody needs a healthy dose of reality, otherwise nothing would ever improve. So thank you, and please, continue the crits the way they are =D

-JC

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review Review · Jun 18, 2007

I read 32still first, this makes more sense.

I hate being confused Oo

But this chapter was good, and I'll tell you exactly why: you asked tammy a question, and we got interested. We also wanted to know about Tammy, just like Jamie. So, this was good.

Unlike the last chapter(promise 1?) which had no real...interest in it? So, good job.

(I hope my critiques aren't too cruel =D I don't want to hurt you or your novel *pat pat* I only want to help you make it better.)

User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · May 29, 2007

hehe, opps...where is that?

I'm used to writing everything in second person, I'm gradually introducing myself to third (with this), and even second...which was a bit of a failure....*tears*

Anyways, thanks for pointing that out...

-JC

User avatar
Twit
Comment
Twit commented Comment · May 28, 2007

Velly goot, but one thing leapt out and bit my nose: for one sentance, you're talking in first person. Apart from that - swell!

-ST

User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · May 27, 2007

Yeah, I really want to publish this one when it's finished. My first attempt at publishing a book (illusions) well....lets just just say it didn't quite work out. So I'm really hoping that this one will.

Thanks for the praise! =D
-JC

User avatar
Alainna
Review
Alainna wrote a review Review · May 27, 2007

This is great JC, are you thinking of publishing?

The last line was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erm, nothing but praise from me today! :D So I'm off to read the next part!

Alainna
xxxxxxx

User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · May 27, 2007

hehe, I saw it at 11:40 last night, and was up until like, 2:30! So ooo! I just did! hehe. It's like, two midnight showings in a row!...only the first one was at eight...hehe.

and I posted the last part of chapter 32, so yay! That chapter's ended twice now! hehe.

-JC

User avatar
Royboy
Review
Royboy wrote a review Review · May 27, 2007

Noooo don't end there! Great. Now I have to wait longer. *sniff*

“And then you left, and though I was happy, I knew the shit was about to
hit the fan.”

You know I never have anything to quote about, but the first and in this sentence just doesn't fit right to me.

Mkay, I'm just going to wait for the rest of the chapter 32s. lol. I think in the end, you should just slap them all together and call them.... "Chapter 32" hehe. So I'll be waiting here for you to finish up with all your re-formatting and writing =]

--ROYA

PS: I've seen At World's End twice now. Beat that!

User avatar
Insomnia
Review
Insomnia wrote a review Review · May 27, 2007

Hey JC. I'm sure we've all missed POD while it's been gone. At least the wait is over lol.

I didn't find any mistakes in this part. Your dialogue flowed really well, it was realistic. It drew the reader in.

So, I think I speak for everyone when I say it was (almost) worth the wait lol. Hopefully the next part'll be up soon. :)



Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
— Chuck Palahniuk