Philosophy of the Dark- Authors note: I've decided to start censoring the language a bit, just here though. The origionals are full out though =D Enjoy!!!!
Chapter 22
-Consequential solitude
They arrived at the house, it seemed empty, there was nobody to leave all the lights on anymore. Jamie's mom parked and got out of the car, without so much as looking toward her daughter.
Jamie followed sullenly, with yet another thing to feel bad about, hurting her mom.
The living room was dark, there was new carpet over the hardwood and stairs. Jamie's mom even had cushioning installed below it, should Jamie
push another person over the banister.
Jamie climbed the stairs to her room, without a word, as her mother went to
reclaim her spot at the kitchen table.
Jamie flicked on the light as she went into her room. She had it repainted,
now it was a pale blue color, only one wall remained the familiar gray. The
curtains were white, the desk now held a computer, all signs of Jamie's old
life were gone. Even the bruises had faded.
Jamie sat down at her desk, moving the mouse the bring the computer
back to life. The screen lightened as the default background appeared.
There was a beep, and a small rectangular window opened in the top left
corner of the screen. Jamie clicked on it, and her e-mail opened.
There was one new message, from Tammy, Jamie opened it.
Dear Jamie,
I won't be able to make our two o-clock tomorrow. I was wondering if you
would be available in the morning, at I HOP, from eight to nine. Please
reply.
-Tammy.
Jamie clicked her mouse on the reply button, and hit two buttons on her
keyboard.
OK
There was a soft knock on the door, pulling Jamie away from the computer.
She opened the door, nobody was there, a lone plate of macaroni and
cheese sat on the floor, her mothers soft footsteps retreated down the
stairs.
Jamie picked up the plate, spearing the noodles with her fork, and then
setting it back down, retreating into her room.
She emptied the plate into the trash can, setting the plate back outside her
door.
Her life was now void of everything, life, love, hate, emotion, meaning, or
motivation. Jamie was slowly dying on the inside, to afraid to finish the job.
Her bed called to her, the white unfamiliar bedspreads surprisingly inviting.
Jamie crawled in, tugging the comforter over her head, darkness closed
over hear like an old friend. Her eyes closed, and she drifted off into sleep.
A ringing phone woke her up, she picked it up, pressing it to her ear.
“Hello?” her voice was groggy and unfamiliar, even to her.
“Hi, is Jamie there?” Ambers loud voice came out of the phone, and
instead of pushing the phone away Jamie pushed it closer to her ear,
absorbing every syllable.
“Amber,” Jamie breathed.
“Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“Hi,” Amber said.
“Hi.”
Awkward silence fell over them.
“So,” Amber said.
“So,” Jamie repeated, “why did you call?”
“I don't really know,” Amber said, “I just haven't talked to you in a while,
how are you?”
“I'm...I...don't really know...” Jamie admitted.
“Why haven't you been at school?” Amber asked, “I thought you were free
until may.”
“I'm not allowed,” Jamie said.
“Bummer.”
“Yeah.”
“So, are you allowed to go out?” Amber asked.
“I don't know, I never asked.”
“You think they'd tell you or something,” Amber said, with a short awkward
laugh, as if she didn't know how to feel.
“Yeah,” Jamie said.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked.
Jamie sighed, “I don't think so,” she said.
“I'm so sorry Jay,” Amber said.
“It's not your fault,” Jamie said, her thoughts finished the phrase, it's mine.
“Do you want to hang out or something tonight?” Amber asked.
Jamie sighed, “I don't really know, I'm just...trying to get away from it all.”
“Even me?”
Jamie shrugged, and then remembered that Amber couldn't see
it, “maybe.”
'What happened to you Jamie?” Amber asked, anger seeping into her
voice, “I know you didn't do what you did on purpose, okay! I'm your best
friend, you're supposed to trust me, now you don't even want to be around
me!”
“I need closure okay?” Jamie said, with her own anger.
“Fine, then. Enjoy your freaking closure.”
The line went dead, one long tone taunting her.
“Why am I such an idiot?” Jamie asked herself, flipping her phone close
and letting it drop to the ground.
Just like her father had.
“Dammit,” Jamie said, “I have to get out of here.”
Soon.
POD 22squared- Consiquential solitude -and unwanted knowledge NOW POSTED
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
She's coming off melodramatic, and I'm glad you brought her friend in because you did so right when I was thinking, "She needs to get with her friends, she's too herself." meaning, it's just her. There is nothing else. Just her. And it can be kind of...the same thing?
And in the dialog, it came off a little so-so, not exactly realistic, and the dialog tags just held it down. Everything is seeming kind of strange and not true to reality at this point, I just can't get into it. Maybe I'm being affected by the time in between my reading?
Hey,
Should be 'to' instead of 'the'.This was great!
Personally, the language didn't bother me. Sometimes you have to understand how a character sees things and accept what and how a character may say something. If swearing is a part of that, then so be it!
Alainna
xxxxxxxx
hehe, some of my lines get all the way!!!!
Yeah, but about the language...I agree, it was getting a little gratuitus, but it was kind-of...well, fitting to the story, and it still is, the origionals are still the same, but here it's been toned down, I might go back and tone the origionals when I do the final editing, depending on what the story calls for. That's what I'm all about, if a story calls, I usually answer...except for detailed sex scenes...thats just too far! hehe.
Anyways, thanks for the crits! I really appreciate it from everybody!!!!!
I'm so sorry I haven't read for so long! I've been so busy, and it really isn't good to start making up excuses now, so I'll just say what I think of the past... what 10 chapters I just read? lol.
Good thing there'll be less language. It was like a curse every other sentence in the past few chatpers. I was starting to get worried that she would never fight back. Yay for her.
It seems so despairing right now. Are we not going to lighten up.... ever? Enough of the sadness and depression, no? Well it's your story, so do what you please.
Have you noticed that your lines don't get past halfway on the page? That was just an interesting little note that I noticed. It doesn't bother me, but It might throw some people off. Well anyway. I'll be waiting for the next chapter, not that I'll have to wait for much longer, I'm assuming. PM me if you need something--as always!
NOW what's Jamie gonna do?? Where's she gonna go, or is she just speaking figuritively out of the depths of her despair?
Good writing, and thank you for toning down the bad language! In the previous chapters the air was turning blue!
-ST