POD 27 continued- That was the question

Philosophy of the Dark

Chapter 27 continued

-To say or not to say

-That was the question

Tammy listened as Jamie retold her childhood, from good to bad. Jamie stopped when she got to the first night she cut.

“Jamie?” Tammy asked, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said as she wiped away a falling tear.

“You can stop if you want to,” Tammy said.

“I don't know if I can. If I stop, I don't think I'll be able to start again.”

“Okay then, continue when you're ready.”

Tammy waited for another few minutes before Jamie sighed and continued.

“It wasn't the first night I'd thought of it,” she said, “I though about it

plenty, I just never had the courage. So one day, at school I asked one of

my teachers if I could have a safety pin, they didn't have any, so I asked

for a paper clip, and they gave me it.

“At lunch I went into one of the bathrooms, there was a group of girls

smoking in it, so I left. Later, during another class I went again, this time it

was empty. The paper clip didn't do much, but the dull pain made me feel

better. It made me want to go deeper, which for some reason was a good

thing.”

Jamie looked up at Tammy, testing her reaction. She was still looking at

the water, the sun had now set, but looking at Tammy's face you wouldn't

know.

“I did that for a while, but soon it wasn't enough, I wanted to see blood. So

I found a safety pin at home, it was from the kitchen. I locked myself in

my room, and tried it, but it was too sharp, and hurt too much. So I went

back to the paper clip for a while.

“But then one day, after I took a shower I saw my dad's razor sitting on the

counter. The blade's were reflecting the light, so how could I not notice

them. It was a new blade, I heard my mom and dad talk about it earlier

that day. It looked sharp. He even said it was so sharp that an expert

shaver like himself couldn't help but to knick himself. He was happy about

that for some reason. I was happy about that for another.

“I took the blade, and went to my room. I was squeezing it in my hand, it

was so sharp. But then I got there, put the blade to my arm. And I couldn't

do anything. I was scared, I didn't want it to hurt, but I couldn't live without

the pain. So I pushed down, but nothing happened. Then I heard him.

Richard. He was yelling, he wanted to admire his razor again, but he

couldn't. He knew it was me.

“My mom came into the room, she scared me enough for me to

accidentally cut myself. I still have the scar.”

Jamie extended her arm out to Tammy, who looked at it with a tear almost

falling from her eye.

“She took the blade, and then Richard came in...”

Jamie retold the story, which had been through her mind so many times,

burned in.

“I'm so sorry Jamie,” Tammy said when she was finished.

“Don't be.”

“All this time, you've blamed yourself, haven't you?”

Jamie nodded, “but then today, I went to the hospital, and wrote him a

card-”

“You visited him?” Something like anger seeped into Tammy's voice, “you

know if the authorities knew that it could mess up your case.”

“I know.”

Tammy put two fingers up against her temples, “was anybody other than

you there?” she asked.

“There was a nurse,” Jamie said.

“Dammit Jamie, why didn't you come to me first? I could have taken you!”

“I know, I just...I needed to go alone.”

“Well the Judge doesn't care about what you need. He'll only care that you

broke the rules! Jamie, if he finds out...” Tammy's voice trailed off, until

she was speaking more to herself.

“I know, I'm sorry okay!” Jamie said.

POD 28- Reminiscence and Regret. NOW POSTED!

More detailed descriptions of Jamie's cutting and what came after can be found in Chapter 5- Comfort of the Blade -On both accounts. =D