Silence

Wow... this poem sucks. No offence, Sol. xDDDDD

Whisperer wrote:Hey, wasabey!! Another poem of yours got featured again! You're awesome! XD

By the way, the poem is nice. There were some parts that sounded a little bit confusing but the others have already pointed it out and I actually read the poem too fast to catch those points. lol

I just love your poems! (Why do I keep putting my username at the end of my comments?? lol)
- Whisperer -

Hey, wasabey!! Another poem of yours got featured again! You're awesome! XD

By the way, the poem is nice. There were some parts that sounded a little bit confusing but the others have already pointed it out and I actually read the poem too fast to catch those points. lol

I just love your poems! (Why do I keep putting my username at the end of my comments?? lol)
- Whisperer -

Kiicoh wrote:Personally, I don't like it.
The repetition is... odd. I think I'd like it more if there were to be a rhyming theme to it.
The poem is, well, bland. There's nothing that hooks the reader in, and none of it really makes sense.
Maybe the problem is I don't understand what you're trying to convey... But. Yeah, I don't like it.

Personally, I don't like it.
The repetition is... odd. I think I'd like it more if there were to be a rhyming theme to it.
The poem is, well, bland. There's nothing that hooks the reader in, and none of it really makes sense.
Maybe the problem is I don't understand what you're trying to convey... But. Yeah, I don't like it.

Thanks!

I do like this, I used to say to myself "I need some silence." Then at other times I hated all the silence. I understand what your poem is trying to say and I love that. I think everyone has felt this way before. I dont like the word "hate"(: haha, it sounds too... Idk you need some more description in here I think. Something to describe when the silence occurs for you or when you "dislike" or "need" it. This poem could be a lot longer(:. I like the way you wrote it besides that and I love it's message(:! Good job girly!!!

The use of repetition is widely used in poems and works rather well. In this case it does not. You have some pretty good lines that deflect the "hollowness" of the poem. "Silence is hiding a secret with me", I understand this line very well and it is my favorite, solely on the fact is is you saying that I must not tell, but I would suggest a little more word play to convey your point. I understand you must really enjoy this poem and you think it captures your meaning and what you want your reader to feel. If this is the case then leave it exactly the way it is. Changing it may take away the personal meaning, but from a writer's perspective it is a little off and I would say go back at it and try once more.

Thank you for the poem, check out my works if you have the time!

I love this poem. I love the message your trying to convey. It's about a person hiding in silence, because they are scared to speak. It was very confusing though. I wasn't sure if you were trying to tell a story or teach a lesson. Maybe you could work on the organization of your poem, a bit more. Overall it was pretty good. I hope I helped.

Very emotional and moving. Here is my promised review!

Solvalery wrote:
Silence, you hide more than words.
Silence, you got me hanging, holding by a rope.
Silence, stay there, stop threatening me.
Silence, I hate you, but I need you with me. <<- LOVE THIS!!!
Silence, you help me in a torturing way.
Silence, you hurt me, but just stay the same.

Silence is hiding a secret with me. A bit confusing here.
Someday I might kill it and reveal what I feel. But you just said that you hate it and need it. You already told us how you feel.

I like the gist of the poem, it basically seems to me like a story of a person who is hiding feelings. But one thing that doesn't quite fit is the way you've arranged this poem. I understand that putting "silence" before each line is all for style points, but it kinda doesn't work with some of the lines. I am left with the question on whether you are talking to someone and telling them to be quite, or whether or not the silence is actually who you are talking to and you are addressing it/him. Try making the poem a little clearer.

This is interesting. As the other review said, punctuation should be added. I don't really understand it either, but maybe that's your goal with secret feelings and such. Either way, it was very well thought out. Keep writing!!!

ELLO!
I had a problem understanding this poem.
Basically it is about a person telling about a secret feeling.
Though I am not sure that is what it means.

Can you put periods at the end of your sentences please. It's bothering me.