Nostalgia (Childhood)

Sollllllll,

In the spirit of review day, I am dredging up a somewhat-dated piece of yours to comment on (not because I'm riffling through your portfolio or anything; the forums told me to).

I am all for celebrating youth and childhood, so I love what this poem is about, but I can't say that I'm a huge fan of how it's delivered. It has duende, for sure, which made me wonder for a moment if it were written in another language first and then translated. Stylistically, get rid of the ellipses (...) because they're a punctuation crutch that is contributing nothing of value to your poem, dear. Everything you place within your poem should propel your poem forward instead of holding it back, and here, the punctuation is holding you back.

Another crutch of this poem is the word "when". I know that you're referring to a time when, thus, it makes sense in its usage, but there are a hundred of different words you can use in place of when, which would be better, more effective choices anyway. The most effective poems utilize repetition the least unless it's a stylistic force, and here it isn't, dearie. Instead, continue to paint us an active picture by tying one stanza to the next one and on and on, which brings me to my last point, the ending.

I am so, so, so picky about endings in poetry because it's hard to know how to end a poem. A poem should come to a slow, winding stop (unless your poem is a harrowing roller coaster ride!), but this one evades a proper ending with a wistful question. I don't think it's the most awful way you could have ended this, but I also don't think that it's doing you any favors because it ends the poem without any resolution. I know that nostalgia seldom has resolution, but this poem deserves a better ending than that.

Otherwise, I applaud your use of unconventional color names; reminds me of the colors of oil paints that come from the special artist shops in the city.

Best,
June

My YWS homepage told me to review this. So, since I knew your name and I like you, I decided I might as well. Besides, I like feeling nostalgic about my childhood.
I have to apologize, though, since my review won't be the best ever written. I mean, for a second I was tempted to not even try and just write that I liked this and leave it at that. Instead I figured I would try my best.
I like the idea behind this, and you do a good job of sounding like an older person looking back at childhood.
"When Aureolin was in the sun,

and Coquelicot in the curtains of my room..."
What are Aureolin and Coquelicot? Are they things you knew as a child, because that's kind of what it sounds like here, but I definitely didn't know any words like that as a kid.
Also, I like the reverances to pixie dust and fairytales, I think you should add some more of those, add more of the childhood.
Finally, you mention there being no fears, but maybe add something about the fears there were, like monsters and darkness.

Wow!
I truly love this, it is so moving and I had goosebumps by the end of this. I feel the sense of longing and lose in this poem, the lose of childhood and all the came with it.
My favourite stanza was the third one, it remembered just what it was like run down a hill and not give a care.

My only criticism is the line,
'where I'd live in the moment because there was no past...'
It is to long and ruins the flow a little, just tweak it a little and it will be fine.

Apart from that well done!

Love Nargles xxxxx