Being a Teenager

For a beginner it's really good, in my sense it is more a wise word than a poem and I love it...very beautiful use of words and sentences are well constructed.

It describes the real and average teenager and is simply just the truth...keep writing relatable and honest reports, as they are the best and most rewarding.

I think the word " scare" was meant to be " scared" in the third last line of the last paragraph. Other than that I could not find any other mistakes. Keep in up xoxo

good job that was well put together and very simple but nice Great job keep it up!!

Ugh! I ran back, so now I'm permanently immature! I'm gonna have to run to get to the other side.

Nice poem. It's just a little hard to read/review. Like someone said, maybe you could shorted the lines or use different wording.
For example-

“Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge between being an adult and being a kid,” my Doctor said.
“The first symptoms are:
1.Feeling you know it all
and 2.Getting in trouble for it.- sounds a heck of a lot smother when you don't say words like "that' in a poem.
After you walk a few steps, you'll notice the bridge is weak and that there are some holes in it. - maybe try " and it has a few holes. Or it is not as strong as blah blah blah....blurp blurp.
Some people get too scared,
and they run back to kid's ville.
But then they suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst illnesses.”
He also told me “Don't you ever run back, I'll be watching you from my home, heaven, and I'll help you walk the line.”

Lol. Thanks people! But it's horrible and is past! xD

I liked it. It was ok.

Poems do not have to rhyme, and this is pretty nice.

But I think that it does not really "feel" like a poem because of the flow. Poems need to be more fluid so the reader can just keep reading and focus on what he is reading instead of trying to make sense of what was read __ lines before or having to reread something before actually finishing the poem. I like this idea, though, and I have not heard of a poem like this. If you tweaked this poem a bit more, I am sure it would be wonderful!

Loved it! Definitely true!

Solvalery wrote:So, I know this poem doesn't rhyme! This is the first poem I've ever write, it just came to my mind!

“Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge between being an adult and being a kid,” my Doctor said.
“The first symptoms are: 1.Feeling you know it all and 2.Getting in trouble for that
After you walk a few steps, you'll notice the bridge is weak and that there are some holes in it. Some people get too scare, and they run back to kid's ville. But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills.” He also told me “Don't you ever run back, I'll be watching you from my home, heaven, and I'll help you walk the line.”

This is the first poem I've ever write

passing through a bridge between

Some people get too scare

I love this! Well said. The only thing I can pick up on is that 'get to suffer from' makes it sound like a good thing, which it definitely isn't.

Hi Solvalery! HAHAHAHAHAHA, your poem has so much truth, its FUNNY! I think every person who is or has been a teenager can relate to this because everything you say is true. It really is a bridge between child and adulthood. And why do teenagers get in so much trouble, is it because we think we are right? Of course it is!! Your poem is the truth nothing more nothing less and I LOVE IT.
It is really great but next time put it into some sort of sequence. To make it look like a poem (that is my trick).
Thats really all you need to improve on.
Thanx for a great poem!!
watchmeburn

EleanorRigby wrote:I thought this was good. I liked your other poem about the star better, but considering this was your first poem, it was really good. Nice job!

I thought this was good. I liked your other poem about the star better, but considering this was your first poem, it was really good. Nice job!

Hey, I'm Chardinay. It was good! I've never seen a poem full of quotes. A poem doesn't have to be made up of rhymes. I personally LOVE poems that don't rhyme, have strange stanzas, weird wording, and everything in between. I love poems like that just like i love your poem. I want to keep in touch w/ you!

But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills

Wow that sounds like a few people I know who went to school with me.
Well that's all for now. Keep writing. bye.
~Lady purple.

I think I've went through my "I know it all" phase back in 6Th grade... But still, don't worry about not rhyming. My poems rarely ever rhyme. If they do then it was an accident. By the way I like it!

Solvalery wrote: too scare,

But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills

Oy, you don't have to quote everybody's critique. A nice thank you PM or a post on our walls or a gift would be good enough.

Anyway, for the poem, one of the things I was wondering about was the Doctor. I don't know... he's kind of a mysterious character and it sounds like he's dead? So I would be interested in finding out who he is and why he's watching the narrator! Maybe he's symbolism for God? Play with it!

Mizzle wrote:Hey there, Sol. Nice seeing you around these poetry forums. ^__^

Anyhoo, this doesn't look like much of a poem to me. Poems don't need to rhyme, but they need form and rhythm to make it a true poem. I know it was your first try, so let's go ahead and see how we could improve this into an even better poem, 'kay?

Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge.
The first symptoms are feeling you know it all,
and getting in trouble for that.
After you walk a few steps,
you'll notice the bridge is weak and full of gaps.
Some people get too scared,
and they just turn back.
But those who make the journey alive,
all know that on the other side, you can thrive.

That's a little more like the structure of a poem you would normally read, and little less run-on. It's not too much better, but it's a start. Keep working at it, and feel free to PM me with any questions you might have.

Hey there, Sol. Nice seeing you around these poetry forums. ^__^

Anyhoo, this doesn't look like much of a poem to me. Poems don't need to rhyme, but they need form and rhythm to make it a true poem. I know it was your first try, so let's go ahead and see how we could improve this into an even better poem, 'kay?

Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge.
The first symptoms are feeling you know it all,
and getting in trouble for that.
After you walk a few steps,
you'll notice the bridge is weak and full of gaps.
Some people get too scared,
and they just turn back.
But those who make the journey alive,
all know that on the other side, you can thrive.

That's a little more like the structure of a poem you would normally read, and little less run-on. It's not too much better, but it's a start. Keep working at it, and feel free to PM me with any questions you might have.

ireylcadence wrote:It doesn't have to rhyme. However, poems do need to have a rhythm in order to distinguish it from prose. Right now, it's kind of hard to find the flow in this. Maybe reword it a bit? Definitely a good topic to work with. Keep on writing, this is pretty good for a first try!

It doesn't have to rhyme. However, poems do need to have a rhythm in order to distinguish it from prose. Right now, it's kind of hard to find the flow in this. Maybe reword it a bit? Definitely a good topic to work with. Keep on writing, this is pretty good for a first try!

sure i am in no hurry

pencilgirl wrote:not bad. though permanent immaturity isn't really a problem. i hate being a teen ...but then i love it

not bad. though permanent immaturity isn't really a problem. i hate being a teen ...but then i love it

Calligraphy wrote:Hmmmm I would make these lines shorter...... Then I will review it. Plus, some of the best poems don't rhyme.

A. S.

Hmmmm I would make these lines shorter...... Then I will review it. Plus, some of the best poems don't rhyme.

A. S.