Is this a nightmare or is it a dream?
This is all so bittersweet
Because you're like the rainbow
God lets me see, but not hold
So what am I reaching for?
Sorry if I've confused you with all the words above
I ask you for forgiveness and so to the Lord
Because my mouth is lying, saying my heart has never felt
My mind is convincing me to never be close to loving again
Why did we collide? I don't want to know
Liberty's my last name and the skies are now my home
Forbidden to forsake are the memories of you
I've put them in a box made of golden wood
My heart is aching while I'm writing these words
I'll ask for one more thing, if it's not too much
When my heart stops beating, and I no longer breathe
Say “goodbye for now” and bury me with it
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,083 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Haha sorry I just reread your poem and must seriously restate that I truly enjoy this poem and am glad I read it once again^^ Till I read more and hopefully update again. Good Luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3
Hey good job Solvalery everyone's already fixed mistakes so i'm gonna say AMAZING POEM and hope to see more soon ^^ I'm doing a lot of stuff for school so i can't be on much but i will be on as much as i can and hope to find more updates from you. KEEP UP THE GREAT WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3
Thanks guys!
Alright,so, this is interesting, and its good, it's got potential. I really loved your first stanza. It was strong and I could see thr thought you put into it.
This is the stanza where I don't think it flowed as well as it could. Try reading it out loud and see.
Also the ending was a little abrupt. 'With it' wasn't the strongest.
~WickedWonder
This is are really good! I love it! Keep on chugging!
Greetings Solvalery I'm LastPaladin or Pal as you call me, I'm unsure of how to elaborate on my opinion of this because I don't felt completely understand, I'll give kudos on fact you managed to put across desperation without getting into angst or cliches. Now question is not whether fully comprehend this it's whether it's good huh? So I shall begin.
Off the bat, I shall first stanza is by far your weakest, and when I began I was worried was expecting some generic piece, which isn't right impression to give as this piece had huge merit. You should probably begin with a less generic line that says same thing but doesn't seem so overused. From this stanza things don't look good, it seems too whimsical, but also jumbled it doesn't seem to know what it wants to say. I say you need to work on this stanza the hardest. Whereas second stanza is great and kinda explains the first stanza but doesn't forgive it, and the chaoticness of it seems largely like jumbled thought a major well done to that, as it seems what you really wish. my favourite line in the poem is in this stanza, it's the last line:
Now the final stanza is where I believe many of us are confused, it's not a bad stanza, just convoluted and perplexing. The idea I'm getting is you wish for the memories of this person you love to stay with you forever, and you'll never confess them, but you'll keep them safe until death and the secret will die with you. I hope that's right. Nothing major stood out about this stanza.
Overall: This is interesting, with such a weak beginning I expect less but it surprises me. I think this is wrong as it shouldn't have to catch me off guard, It's my opinion you could convey what you wish with a much better first stanza and really make this a terrific poem, because as of right now, this stanza is letting you down, and stopping me from liking this.
Hope this helped.
Hey, Sol. It's me again. You can't get rid of me, can you?
Overall: I really like this poem. It flowed well and I love the imagery, especially in the first stanza. However I feel the emotions could be stronger in the second stanza. Just try to expain why the narrator is upset and asking for forgiveness, and then the second stana will be strengthed greatly. And I didn't understand what the last two lines of your poem were about. But I really liked this poem so good job. If you have any questions or concerns PM me. Good luck with your writing~Blue.
Nice, Sol! Another poem of yours is featured! Yay you
xD!
I like the way it is written. It's just catchy. 
I'm not good with reviewing poems so I'll just say that I like this poem.
- Whisperer -
Alright, so this isn't the best poem in the world, but I can see that you put a lot of work into it. I disliked the first paragraph the most, and so poked the most holes into it. The other two were satisfactory and the last line was packed with Oomph, if you get what I mean. My only tid-bits to you are to add a lot more imagery into your work, and maybe explain WHY. Poetry is beautiful and meant to flow aesthetically, yours doesn't -yet.
I hope to read a lot more of your work.
Anger
Wow awesome! Great poem! I agree with the improvements stated above, but still, awesome!
I think it's quite clever what you did with the first stanza and then explaining/apologizing. Conveying a clear message of the narrator being confused because their head and heart are so filled with these strange emotions that you'd thought you would never feel again. I love it!
I put the mistakes in bold...there's not much I can say here...there's a reason it's featured
The imagery is great, and overall it's a good poem. Keep writing
Someone with an avatar that awesome deserves a review! xD
Good evening! I'm gonna drop a quick review.
So. I actually really like this. Not really sure I understood half of it, but it had a very good flow and whimsical feeling to it that really kept me reading. The first stanza was interesting, introducing some sort of ambient and setting, though the next one is slightly confusing. I liked the idea of the rainbow in the first one, but then on the second there are some ramblings that are a bit off putting.
There are some very pretty metaphors and this gives us a very lovely image. Overall, I think it as very nice. Good job!
- Kat
That's all the errors I could spot, Solvala. It's nice to see your work. You need some work with the punctuation, though. Overall, I liked it *clicks "like" button*.
~Ladypurple