A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart
Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry
Because of a stranger
Yes, that's what you are
Your lies are just the proof
that I should not trust
I feel like I'm breathing pure dust
Turn around without saying farewell
With your coat on your shoulder
and your hands in your head
Walk to the horizon, smell the fresh air
Thanks for this moment
I wish you the best
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Beautifully written! You did well in describing that the person feels like a stranger to you. Maybe a little too well.....Anyways, to me I was getting the impression that you knew the person but they've now changed but I couldn't feel it. All I saw was a stranger that the narrator doesn't really in fact know. Maybe a few details of how they've changed would help clear it up.
A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart
Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry
Because of a stranger
Yes, that's what you are
Your lies are just the proof that I should not trust you?
I feel like I'm breathing pure dust Why?
You Turn around without saying farewell
With your coat on your shoulder
and your hands in your head
You? Walk to the horizon,and smell the fresh air
Thanks for this moment I wish you the best.
A very good poem indeed! my favorite part of the poem was
"Inside I feel danger and my eyes want to cry Because of a stranger"
even though you write about the stranger, there is still fear of the stranger. But at the end you with the best for the stranger. I quite like this poem. Looking forward to see more.
I would like to answer that, but right now I'm not even sure
if I'm standing in front of the computer or if I'm still in my country!Gaah! I'm confused, wish me luck!Hello there Solva!
Maybe one thing that you need to make this poem clearer is that you should try to connect (more) the narrator and the 'stranger' well. It seems a bit blurry to understand.And are you talking about love? acceptance or what? The theme's a bit general and if you would've been specific, then this poem can stand independently. I also want to clarify about your punctuations. I haven't even seen one, so you should try placing it on the poem for a better flow or pacing. All in all, this has potential but just like what I've said earlier try to make things more vivid. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.
Keep writing and peace out,
Yuri
O_o Mysterious.. ! Beautifully written, my love! This poem it really describes how you don't know who this person is, and I get a mental picture. I like the mystery, it captures your audience. Very nice chikaa!
Cool! Your poem got featured! xD
.
Anyway, I wouldn't comment much because the others had already caught a lot of things. I'm just here to say that I like and I think that it's cute poem XD. The last lines were the ones I loved the most
- Whisperer -
oh haha i get it now
Woah! Seems like there's trouble with this line! xD
Well, what I meant was that the guy would be worried/confused and wouldn't know where to go or what to do, because when we're worried sometimes we put our hands in our heads! xD But thanks for the reviews, everyone! And Emily,
Hey!
I would just say "I want to cry" ... eyes are just the things that tears come out of, they don't have a mind of their own, haha.I like this line but I think you should use a different word than pure, because dust isn't pure.
I don't understand this... how can hands be in a persons head?
I like the rest
Overall: I really liked this poem. I found myself connecting to it. So job welll done, Sol. You should write more poetry. Keep writing~Blue.
This poem does a great job of conveying its intended emotion and meaning. It's one of the best I've encountered on this site. I also was confused by the eleventh line, not knowing whether it was mistyped or had a hidden meaning. The last two lines were particularly meaningful to me because of how fleeting and heartfelt they made the poem seem. Awesome work.
Wow, that was wonderfully written. I especially loved the first two lines,
"A stranger, that's what you are
You're in a disguise and it hurts in my heart"
Those words were very strong to me, because - If I've decoded the message well enough- I can relate to them.
Also, there's one thing that was confusing me in the eleventh line "and your hands in your head" - I wasn't sure if you meant "your head in your hands" but it could have meant something to you. I'm not sure, but otherwise I really felt that this was a work of art x]