I wrote this poem for a really special friend<3 And, I'd like to dedicate this post to all the people that can relate to it. From Solly, to your mirror, with lots of love. :)
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139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Soooooooolvy. I know this is a long time ago when you when you wrote this poem. But I just want you to know that is really beautiful and sweet. Keep writing. Loved the last line btw! < 3333
You have my pickier notes here that you can reference. This is more geared towards essence and refining.
I'll start by saying that you've improved since the last I read of you. That's a good thing, but it won't give you any mercy points with me - and I don't think you want any.
My demand is that you pay much more attention to subtlety - mixing sentiment and lyricism with images and duality - and attempt to veer away from poetry, like this, that boils down to a one-note demand from narrator to reader. These poems can be effective, but they lack professional touches, and that's what I look for. Your best area in this piece was the segment where you forgot about your demands and allowed imagery to take the lead:
[quote]
That's what I expect out of you.
Another thing I'd love to see you test out is duality. In essence, duality is having two layers to the same image/lyric. It's a brilliant tool that keeps you away, even if by accident, from one-note pieces like this. It allows each reader to take away what he sees, and doesn't always allow those takeaways to be the same between readers. I'd say it's your next step in refinement.
I suggest that you rethink where you place your line breaks. As it stands, they're predictable and bland and boring. Let your lines improve your flow. Pay as much attention to your breaks as you do your words. That is how you create fluidity. With that said, there are also several superfluous words that I'd cut to smooth things out. You can see some examples in my notes on titanpad. With those examples in mind, go through and treat the remainder the same way - I think you'll be pleased.
Let me know if you have any questions.
-Lumi
I really really loved this poem. I spoke to me so much ...
"Do you see the scars under the hand?
Wrists are not for chains to hold back;
they are for bracelets, for white ribbons,
for a friend to hold tight an lead you to the light.
Let the white blood cells mend the past."
This reminds me of my best friend and I. You put into words exactly what I've been feeling lately. Every sentence is so perfectly constructed, with a beautiful, free and natural meter.
Wow. Just incredible. I want this framed.
This is amazing, I hope you continue to write more works and that they are very succesful! I loved it! I haven't read really good poetry in ages and then I found this!
Ohh Confuser, you are a little feel-good-mastermind... and that's about all I have to say. You're like awesome, so, that's that.
Aww... Thanks, Saga<3
It may be the timing of which I read this, but this is one of the best poems I've read in a long time. I like it better than any of mine (which is, admitably, not saying much), but I think you could do a few things with it.
Your using something I call broken meter, which is when you loosely structure the poem around a meter, but break occasionally to get the point across, or to emphasis a line. I'm probably the only person who calls it that, or the only person who read it like that, since, as I view the comments, they're all pretty impressed with your meter. Anyways, IF I'm not just batchit crazy, which is entirely possible, then it's worth considering revision, unless you did it on purpose.
You didn't rhyme, which is perfectly fine because I think this poem wants you to remember a feeling, instead of the lines, which it's very good at.
I hate reviewing; critics always get the short end of the stick, and we're mostly beaten into oblivion by fans, so good work. xP
I must say, Sol, the style you've written this in reminds me of The Message Bible. That's a good thing.
The meter is really what drew me n, in a n enchanting way that let me see the painting, the imagery is marvelous and moved at a steady solid pace and at the same time the piece portrayed the depth of emotion and devotion to whomever it is you're referring to. My only advice is intended the line referring to white blood cells make it a little bit smoother because it throws off the rhythm the slightest bit.
I loved it! Hope to read more of your poems!
This is wonderful
It has a great feel to it, very demanding toward the end. You are a true talent, and I hope to see even more of your work around the site, because this is beautiful 
this is a verry great piece of poetry i would love to know what friend it was even though i think i do know who the friend is... Either way i loved it
This is really sweet...I caught an error, and that was
"Because, honestly, you don't seem [[to]] understand."
...but really, that's it. As usual, you've written this really well and the whole thing just injects you with a sense of hope and self-respect. I don't think anyone really needs to tell you that this is a wonderful poem, but I will anyway.
This is a wonderful poem! Keep writing.
Thank youuuuuuuu, Weaver<3