I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and I couldn't sleep so... I don't know... LOL
Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears
Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near
The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours
Thanks for the "Likes" 
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
WHOA! I love it! You and I have a very similar style actually. This reminds me of something I would write. Good job! LOL! But seriously, the last line was really cute. I really liked it, a deep but adorable poem. Great work!
Hello again Sol, I'm sad to break the pattern but I'm not as impressed with this piece as with your other one, it seems too slapdash, and a lot of it come across as we've heard it all before. But I shall explain why I don't like this fully, to help you understand I think.
Okay, angst can work in a poem but one like here, it isn't a good idea to post, it's uses cliches, generic wording and rather than coming across sad or tragic, it sound very much like a piece you see on other sites, the kind which try to sound depressing, but since it resort to using phrases you hear in everything from romcoms to bad love poetry it's hard to differentiate and for a poem to be so sad why is the rhyme scheme so sing-song like, it shouldn't seem like a nursery rhyme. Worse still it then ignore the scheme at the end ignoring consistency and then when you add it doesn't even allow us in, you're getting into a terrible mess here.
Overall: It seems like it has potential, but that would involve trying to use some more emotional wording, capturing us with some imagery and staying consistent with the rhyme scheme, just because it's the end doesn't mean you can drop it all of sudden. I liked your other poem, not this one so much.
Hope this helps.
Hi, Sol. *waves*
Overall: I liked this poem. I liked how you started the poem and ended it. Your poem flowed well. However, I feel you col add a little more emotion to the poem. make it a more personal experience for the reader. why is the narrartor upset I know it's about a bad realationship? But what kind? A bad freindship or a romantic relationship? Just some things to think about. If you have any questions or concerns, PM Me. Good luck with your poetry~Blue.
I like it. A lot. I feel a personal connection with it, as my significant other just moved to Florida, and I'm still in Kentucky :/ But anyways...
This, I definitely understand. It's so real, and if you haven't experienced it, it's easy to imagine. Yearning for someone's company is a unique feeling, and a very deep feeling.
Great work! (:
Hi there,
The poem was sad, but brought a upon detail, of the experience you are having, making it a good poem to express your feeling out.
"Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears"
even the poems not meant to bring imagery, bring out the images we don't want to see. The sorrow said in this quote shows me, a sad experience, but is very well put and said.
AWWWWWWWWW this is so sweet and sad at the same time. Just reading it made me picture a girl crying on her pillow thinking of a boy who she knew she couldnt be with. I like the way it rhymes too, those are always more fun to read(: Great job.
I can relate to a lot of your work, keep going check mine out!
hello! first of all, i just wanted to say that you are a very creative & i enjoy your writing.
Otherwise, i have also been known to write when i can't sleep. I get good ideas early in the morning I guess.
This poem sounds similar to something that i would write. It seems that we have similar interests, which makes me more interested in this type of poetry. In other words, i like this poem.
I did not find any spelling mistakes (which tend to bug me, so i would know if there were any) so...good job on that.
By the way, i like how you put this one part: drowning in my tears; it explains just how much she is crying.
So, keep up the good work! I'd like to hear more from you soon.
~Morgan3509
Great Job! Keep Writing!!
Hey sol, here is my review:
1.
I loved the images you have drown here, however try:
x. ----> Overtaken by my fears Or so, If you get my point, try to give some stronger words that equal up to the strength of your images.
2.
You've made a sentence structure mistake here:
x. Must be "Wishing" because all the verbs you've used before were in the "ing" form
3.
Okay soly hun, MAJOR MISTAKES
(i) But I knew that moment, notice your poem is in the past tense
(ii) is not close to near
x. was instead of is "past tense"
x. not close---> far
So the sentence becomes: was far from near
4.
Okay soly, now you've confused me, are you writing in the past or the present. There's what you should do:
(i) If you want to write this stanza in the present tense use:
Now the dawn is breaking
And I would advise you to write this stanza as follows:
However, it is your poem, I can read the sentences but I cannot enter neither your mind nor your heart. Hope I helped darling, good job I loved it ^^
Hello there, Solva!
I think this poem has a potential. Perhaps just try to sort out or place in some punctuations to make the flow of this piece better. Also, it's really not necessary at all to capitalize every first letter of each line. But as for the rhyming, I think it's okay. However, adding some sugar and spice wouldn't hurt, right? It just sound almost cliche' and there's nothing compelling here that can make this piece stands out with uniqueness. It's too plain so I suggest that you set in some imageries and make this refreshing as possible as it can be. So that's it. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.
Keep writing!
Peace out,
yuri
I have that happen to me some times, I'm lying awake awake in the middle of the night and BAM! a poem hits me:)
Ok, so I like this poem. It is true that some of your rhymings sound forced but that can easily be fixed...
Overall, I like it... Keep writing
~Rain~
Hehe, nice poem for 1:00am! I sometimes wake up with an idea and run around in the dark trying to find a notebook to write in
Your rhyming pattern is different in the middle verse. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, you might want to rearrange the lines or something.
Anyway, really pretty poem! And sad too, with an uplifting ending. The mix of emotions is really good. Nice work.
-pigeon
I know you weren't trying to have that end rhyme thing some poems have but the first stanza was soooo close. Since It's driving me crazy I think a way you could change it is to do this...
Cheers for cool poems!
Hey Solv.
I was wondering if you were an insomniatic. Anyway, this poem was really sad. At 1:00 I'm either sleepy and disoriented or up writing while high on Mnt. Dew and whatever candy I have in my room.
~Ladypurple.
That was a sad poem but still it was good. I really liked it and I know that inspiration to write can come from anywhere and at any time. Sometimes it comes early or it comes later than most times we are used to. I usually write at home or at school and one day i was up til 2 writing a story that i decided was not worth it and tossed it somewhere. I found it just now and i realize the potential it had and I am now writing it as well. My writing is mostly fantasy or poem, which is usually fantasy as well.