Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes, you don't quite know.
May 10, last day of school. Congratulations, class of 2011!
He called me that day, and, even though we hadn't seen each other in a while, we still talk on the phone or over the Internet. We decided that we would always be best friends, even when he moved out of the city. I answered, and I never heard him greet me. As soon as I pushed the green button he screamed, "Last day of school was horrible! Help me!"
Now, isn't that rude? Some teenagers have no good manners. And then people generalize. I didn't quite understand what was the problem at the time.
"Eh... yeah, George. You're done with school, and you're going to college now! Aren't you supposed to be happy?" I asked, "Or... are you scared now?" I continued, with a mocking tone.
"I am happy, Lyria. I am, indeed, but I had to say goodbye to my classroom!" he replied, agitated.
I made myself comfortable on the sofa. I had done nothing the whole day, and I was as well done with high school. I chuckled and asked, "Don't you know that nothing lasts forever? Like waves on the seashore, things come and go."
"Yes, I do," he said. I could imagine him rolling his eyes.
But I ignored him and kept on talking, "Everything that starts also ends, you can't say that's bad, just put quandaries as an example," I laughed, " People are born and then they die, because if they don't... they never lived! Dying is part of living. Every "hello" ends with a "goodbye", that's the law of life."
While I said all that, I could hear him say, "Lyria, are you giving me a philosophy class?" But my speech was way more important than his question, so I ignored him again, "Just like everything that goes up, must go down! See? Even Newton knew..." Rude as he has always been, he interrupted me again and screamed, "Lyria, shut up!"
"Why do you always want me to shut up?"
"Do you know how it feels to say goodbye to the people you love and have been with for a long time?" he asked.
"Eh... yeah. But that is life," I pointed out, "And you better get use to it because you're only eighteen!" I laughed a bit, and he didn't reply, so I kept on talking, "And why the temper? Chill, dude! I was just saying what I think, and that is legal. They call it Freedom of Speech!"
"Ah! Shut up, Lyria! I hate it when you're right."
"No, George. You don't hate it when I'm right," I let him know, "you hate it when you are wrong!"
"Yeah, I know," he admitted, "I'll never say "goodbye" to you, though," he continued.
I didn't know what to reply, so there was an awkward silence moment. "Oh, you won't?" I stuttered.
"Nope, that's not gonna happen," he said sweetly, "you said every "hello" ends with a "goodbye", and I never greeted you!" he said, and chuckled.
Suddenly, I heard an annoying and repetitive beep. "The call has ended." I read on the cell phone's screen. . Still amused at what George had said, I looked to the apartment's ceiling, as I lay on the sofa.
I heard someone calling my name. "You have mail, Lyria!" my eight year old brother said, as he handed it to me. I sat back on the sofa and opened it.
Dear Lyria,
I've fallen for you!
Sincerely,
A random stranger.
I kept reading the short letter, wondering who it was. Then, I looked outside the window, thoughtful, and heard the doorbell ring. My eyes were wide open, I was hoping it wasn't the person who wrote the letter, and I was certainly hoping he wasn't a stalker.
My brother opened the door, and I heard a deep voice say, "Hey, little one!" I could see my brother's grinning face and someone patting his head.
"Hi again!" my brother replied.
"Tell your big sister the random stranger is here to see her." My brother gave me a malicious smile and walked away. I walked a few steps to the door, and there he was. With my eyes wide opened, I couldn't find any words to say, "Oh..."
"Shut up, Lyria. Don't greet me," George said, looking in my eyes as he smiled, "Cause I really want this to last." He kissed my lips, and that was when I finally admitted gravity had humiliate me in the loveliest way possible; I had fallen for my best friend, George Seidelman long ago. Because as Isaac Newton noticed; What goes up, must go down.
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139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Thanks. <3
Love love love love love love this it is super sweet and cute and educational wow amazing you wrapped all that into one short story. I have already read some of your other pieces and I really like your writing I'm gonna follow you:)
Hey, Sol!
Sorry that I just finished reading this tonight. >.< Congratulations on the featured work by the way! Your works keep on getting featured! 
I envy you! lol 
Nitpicks:
- I think this is a pretty boring and cliché opening. It made me just read this fast. Sorry. >.< But the other side of me thinks that this is pretty nice and catchy. o.o (Bah! I'm confusing. lol)
- I don't think there has to be a comma after 'and'
- Also, I'm not completely sure if I should mention the tense change - 'talk' - 'cause you started the story in present tense.
- Anyway, this opening paragraph is really interesting.
- I think I already said this before but there shouldn't be a space after an ellipsis as far as I know. o.o
- Same with this
- Wow. How poetic. xD
- Why is there a big space before this paragraph? o.o
- There is a tense change here: 'has'
- Correction: 'get used'
- I think it's better to say 'looked at'.
- That was rather quick. He was just calling her. But then, the next thing I knew, he was already handing the mail to her. You didn't tell us that he was coming to her. I think it's important too.
- Correction: 'humiliated'
Nice story, Sol.
Never stop writing!
this is really good! =] .i love the phone conversation and the letter! . ,i know George was the sender but when i was finally revealed, i still love it! (a lot!!) it made me smile
Hey Sol. Okie-dokie, I really enjoyed your story. It had a great idea going and I love the whole best friends falling for each other. It's great and you really made it good with the habits the characters have with one another. So your plot was good. Very well thought out.
For your characters, I think that you need to add more to them. At this point I'm not feeling them. I'm not feeling their emotions and their passion. From the point of view of the reader, we need to be able to actually see the characters as real people.
I don't have time to get into grammar right now, but overall it seemed fine.
Best of luck, Sol! Sorry this was such a short review.
Cheers, Luxe
Hey Solvalery!
This was a fantastic piece. I can't find anything wrong with it. Honestly.
So far, I'm failing the Reviewing Checklist in the corner.
Oh well.
This piece exceeds all checklists. Boo-yah.
No, no no. This wasn't a piece.
It was a masterpiece.
Keep writing, and be sure to check out my new review service; Drive Thru Review. (link in signature)
Yours, Pen xx
Hey sol hon'! :3 You're featured again! Congrats!
OK, the first thing that got me a bit weirded out was the name calling. Not the mean name-callings, just the plain, "...yeah, George..." and "I am happy, Lyria..." These kinds of introductions just don't work. It's kind of cheesy for your intended audience. It's like, you'll read those kinds of character intros in a children's book. But I'm not saying that it's not right to mention the one you're talking to in a dialogue. It's just better if the MC just went on directly saying somewhere in the firsts paragraphs (it's up to you if you want it in the first paragraph though), I was on the phone with George... Though at times it also works to mention the name in the dialogue when you're already in the middle of the conversation. I guess the way you just used it was a bit awkward, or it seems that you were trying so hard to find a place to make it obvious that you've given your characters name and couldn't find a place for it. Know what I mean?
Here we'll use apostrophes instead of quotation marks. Because if you used quotation marks inside quotation marks, then it'd be quite confusing.
Last nitpick would be:
Overall, there were times where the dialogue sounds so awkward, but I guess that's OK. I honestly liked this. (I will click like later.) I liked the sweet conversation, the smarty-pants Lyria lines. I also love the way you've centered into an idea. The only nitpick I would have with the story is the ending. It sounds so rushed, and it was cheesy, the way she saw George at the end. Maybe you can think of an alternative ending to that (especially the note). And the stranger thing! Don't worry. You're not cheesy. George is. ;**
KEEP WRITING!
CSI Jash ♥
That was so incredibly adorable!!
I loved it ^__^
The only thing I could find is,
Hey! Looks like all the grammar nitpicks have already passed through so I'll skip my usual thorough examination. This was really cute! How did you come up with the concept? I like Lyria's hypocrisy in her talking about how rude teenagers are and then continuing to ignore George's comments.
This resonated with me particularly because I am about to graduate high school. I enjoyed the story, though there were some moments when it seemed awkward. I don't know if I'm just seeing something differently than you are, but my suggestion would be to read it out loud and see if anything seems off to you. If not, then maybe it's just me. Nevertheless, great job! Keep on writing.
hellooo sollyplushiee <3 *big hug*
This won't be a long review and I won't be giving you criticism either since the rest already took care of that
This story is absolutely sweet and I love it!!
yup that was all I had to say *nods*
-qaralynn-
Thanks, people! I really appreciate your time reviewing this pice. I <3 Y'all!
Hey Solv!!!
Want to say I truly enjoyed this entire story so yay...however I had trouble understanding some parts about the phone conversation but I think it was just me XD. Either way I liked it and really loved the ending ^^ Keep up the good work and Happy Writing. Buenas Suerte y Adios!
Soulkana<3
Hey Sol. *waves* Shrubs here to review. Even though Yuri has given one long review, I'd try my best to help you.
I like the sense of humor here she has.
Either make it 'how to reply' or 'what to say. What and rely both together are creating a havoc.
Even if the story had a clichéd idea, I guess, it still stood out separately. I liked the characters as in whole, and I've always loved stories when two best friends fall in love. Even though it's sometimes itchy since it indirectly tells that a boy and a girl can't be just friends, on the other hand it is also cute. When I think about this story in particular, I find it is quite romantic, but there is actually something at the same time which kind of pulls me away. But don't worry, it's something you can definitely work on.
When the story started, I was quite intrigued. I liked the opening line you had and I just wanted to know which truth was it that has been showed in the story. The conversation, in itself wasn't that bad even though sometimes I did feel that she was giving a real psychology lecture and which made her character seem actually a bit hollow. I was not quite sure if she was a graduate we were talking about here. On the other hand, I think George could be shown talking more about how much he's miss school and what all would he miss. Maybe he hints at missing someone special, or maybe not. You know, you'd have to develop your story in such a way that people get more and more pushed into it.
You would have to be more careful with the style of your writing since the story is something which isn't quite so unique and the idea has been used a lot of times. The more you make it twisty(don't overdo to make readers feel they're trapped somewhere), the more there are chances of them getting glued to the story. Since the story is not that unique, you'd then also work special hard on your character development, too. Don't let them be just two lovers we see, have something special about them.
You just read the story. Yourself, without any biases. Then ask yourself what would you take wit yourself when you've read the story? What in the story has struck a cord in your heart, and if not for ever, you would at least remember it for a longer period of time of few minutes. For me, there is maybe one thing that I won't forget about, and that maybe is the psycho lectures your character gave. Don't consider it to be something bad to carry with me. Anything that makes you remember a certain thing is good. And I think if your intention was to make the character such then I think you've been successful. But apart from this, there's nothing actually that might stand out for me in other stories of this kind. I don't want to the one scathing here, bu if you just think over, I'd like you to find some USP of this story. USP=Unique Selling Product. It's the language for some, for some it's the vocabulary and for some readers it is the character they'v liked. So always have something of this sort to make your story stand out.
As in for the Show vs. Tell. Don't go too serious about it. I like the story the way it is but maybe you could have some showing in the end. It just seems that you're rushing the story to an end. So I'd like you to work on those parts and bring in more emotions from inside her. How when she sees him, she realizes she has more than a friendly feeling for him. Maybe some flashback or something? That is the main part, and I'd like you to express it more.
Now coming to good parts, I think you've got a very writing skill in the beginning, but somehow it failed to capture my interest in the long run. I'd have loved if you could have had more descriptions, more emotions, so that I could feel like the MC felt. Your writing, as I've said before, has really blossomed and I'd advice you to keep on writing short stories for practice. Also, I liked some one-liners you had.
Overall, not the best thing from your kitty, but it has got potential to be a lot more better.
Love,
Triplet @_@
Hope this helps,
Hey there Solvaness!
Here as promised.
Nitpicks in the spoiler.
Spoiler
Your introductory line quite surprised me because it starts with an agreement if the truth hurts. I don't about this 'cause this should follow after any questions or to any query. *shrugs*
"On the phone" is correct but I'm getting iffy with the phrase "over the internet".
Some grammar issues here. The way your main character speaks tends to have awkward or confusing lines and sometimes, doesn't makes sense at all. The first highlighted phrase can be written as:
"Everything that starts also ends..."
And the second should be:
"People are born..." Because it is plurality of any (human) beings.
I suggest changing "is" to "feels", because it flows better and gives more implication. Or he can say:
"Do you know how it feels to say goodbye to the people you love and have been with for a long time?"
Omit the comma since "sweetly" describes the verb "said". The "y" should be in lower case because before the second dialog is a comma.
So she didn't hear anything and there's this "call has ended"? Maybe change "silence" to "a beep" to alert Lyria that the call has ended. Did you understand me? xD
"Stared" perhaps?
Doors don't technically ring, however, doorbell does.
~
I think you have a good story concept here, Solva. However, your grammar and punctuation issues tends to decrease the potentiality of your story to be better. I'm not just going to elaborate on the technicalities of this piece, but also how you have portrayed them to your readers.
Story and Setting:
Overall looking, the story is a bit cliche' because we have seen this concept a lot of times on movies and even on books. But anyways, it was a good thing the you have added a tinge of Newton's principle here and there. And I think it added a humorous effect on the story. So yeah, thumbs up for that.
You need to build the atmosphere, Solva. Say for example she was sitting outside her house, so as a writer, you should have managed to portray the scene very well, the children playing, the sun, or even the birds flying. And as I could notice here, the story lacked some descriptions of the setting. If she was in the living room, you could have build a room for your readers to have a visual image of the place. Like how she felt lying on the sofa, the windows showing the warmth of the sun or anything that an ordinary person can become aware of her surroundings. Bottom line: Visualize.
Characters:
You need to dig deeper, Solva. Sometimes they could just be anyone's typical two best friends who have fallen head over heels with each other. So a speculation would come into our minds that they would have a chance to be together. We want more personality. Also, your characters needs to let out more emotions. Especially about the ending, let us know what Lyria was thinking when she knew that the 'random stranger' was her best friend. Was she surprised? happy? And Lyria said the she had fallen for George, but you didn't really expand her feelings towards him at the start of the story. Elaborate it more. Their emotional development seemed all too sudden and almost unrealistic. So if you want Lyria to feel inlove, try making your readers feel that too.
Dialogue:
As what I have said before, you need to fix your punctuations especially those in the dialogs. They tend to distract the pacing of your story. Here is a good tip from Demeter.
Also what I have noticed, some dialogs are forced especially concerning Lyria. Sometimes the way she speaks are not normally often spoken by us in real life. Try observing how people in tv shows or your parents talk. Casually, yes? That's what you need here. And try putting your shoes in your character's, and show how you would have responded on some certain things and events, and then imply it to your character's thoughts and dialogs.
Style/Prose:
Hmm... I think this just needs more practice. Don't worry, anyone and everyone practice (even me!). Considering that English isn't your first language, everything was understandable. ^^ Anyways, I would have expected much more of this. There were some instances when your usage of words were a bit weaker and you tend to shuffle words. Show not tell too. With that, it would make your prose stronger. ^^
Overall:
This has potential Solva, but you gotta make your mind think deeper. If not, this story you have would totally look cliche' and predictable. This review is based entirely on my opinions so let me know if you have any questions.
Ciao!
~Yuri
This was lovely and adorable.
Though, some parts you told us instead of showing us. I'll go through here and show you which parts I'm talking about. 
Other than those few mistakes, I adored this.
Hey, I'll be reviewing you today! Bold = things I have changed, and red = awkward phrases I am not sure how you wanted, so I will not change. Let's get started!
This is a pretty nice story! As you can see, I found only a few minor errors which I am sure were just slip ups while you were typing. Keep writing!
-TSM
Hi there Am. Thanks for readying!
Well, the conversation is about how nothing lasts forever, she says "Every "hello" ends with a "goodbye"" and he tells her, "Don't greet me then" cause he never wants her to go. And that's the point of the story.
Thanks! A friend of mine made it up. <3
Hey there!
I liked this, although it seemed a bit odd to me. I don't understand what the phone conversation has to do with the story, other than the "What goes up must come down." thing. It was a nice touch, and it showed their relationship, but the actual content of the conversation just seemed a bit strange.
Although I love the name Lyria! Is that a real name, or did you make it up? Anyways, it's pretty.
So, overall it was pretty good. The detail was good, and I liked the emotion at the end. Nice job.
~Amfli
GO TEAM TOXIC NUDIBRANCH!
okay,
I can't even review it this was so good. And sweet. And good. And wonderfully written. I'll come back after I get over how good it is, and give you an evil review