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Rant (18+)

by Nike


Hello.

Sorry to intrude on whatever you are doing.

Here is my wonderful rant of sorts.

I've pretty much lost everything. Okay, I have my family which is phenomenal. That is the most important thing. But.

The slow pounding in my heart, it started to race when I saw your face pass my vision. My breath caught in my throat, like something was pulling it away from me. I just stood still, my feet almost loosing balance.

I catch myself and realize that what I have been doing is idiotic.

Way too hopeful.

'Why do you hate me so much?'

Welcome to January thrirty first in the year of two-thousand and thirteen. You'd think, new year, new goals. Many people have the same goals.
Many people believe that their lives will change. Get better. Well, I for sure did. Nothing like that ever happened. It just got worse. Looks like Thirteen is going downhill for me. Even if it's my 'lucky' number.
Did you know how much I loved you?
I can't believe I even said that. I seriously can't. I have never loved anyone. I'm not even dating him. It's upsetting, isn't it?
Did you know how much you betrayed me?
Jesus Christ you better. Seriously. I've been such a good friend. I never trust anyone and I put one fucking ounce of trust into you and this is what I get?! I can't have friends. I'm incapable of doing so. I guess.
Never had a best friend once.
So thank you. Thank fucking you.


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Points: 591
Reviews: 4

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Wed Feb 06, 2013 1:12 am



I'm really sorry you had to go through that, hun... If you need to talk I'm here.
Feel better




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158 Reviews


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Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:54 am
Veeren wrote a review...



Hey there Nike :D

Since this is a rant and not really a literary work, I won't be critiquing your grammar or spelling and such. I'll just be judging you on the content you have.

You definitely write with emotion, and I praise you for that. It's not something all writers can do. I've seen one too many authors have their work criticized for bringing forth zero emotions from their readers. The way you write makes me want to comfort you, share your pain, and that makes it absolutely perfect.

I have a feeling that you left everything vague for a reason. While it does leave the audience with many questions, (wondering who it is that hurt you, what they did, etc) it would also be a turn off to many people. Readers like to be informed, they like to know what's going on, but while I can't force you tell everyone what's going on in your personal life, I can tell you that you'll never who's been down the same road as you unless you let them in.

You're a great writer and shouldn't think of yourself as any less.
Keep up the good work :D

Oh and PS;

Spoiler! :
Thank fucking you Fucking thank you. ;)




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1313 Reviews


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Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:52 pm
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Hannah wrote a review...



Nike! The emotion in this piece is very clear. I love the idea that you thought the year was going to get better and it didn't. I'm going to be talking about this as a piece of writing, though, and not a journal, so don't take that personal. I obviously don't want you to be feeling bad. I'm sorry things went down hill, but for the writing, that hope and disappointment makes for good conflict.

The biggest problem with this piece is that there are no specifics. I don't even have any idea who did what wrong! I'm not sure, because the speaker says the other person hates her, so that makes me think she did something wrong, but then she says, "Did you know how much you betrayed me?" and that makes me think the other person definitely did something wrong. I want to know what she means by putting trust in her friend. What does that mean to her? Why doesn't she trust anyone usually? And why does she blame it on herself ("I can't have friends") if it's something the other person did?

Specifics will make this much easier to relate to. All we see right now is the emotion. We don't know the reason. If we knew the reason we could judge right alongside you. But we're not that trusting either. Hearing, "It's so scary, trust me!" is much less powerful than actually riding the roller coaster and feeling scared out of our pants. The same thing goes here. Give us the unfairness and betrayal and we'll get a lot more emotion out of this.

PM me if you have questions or comments on my review, and good luck!

Keep writing~





here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings