Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » General


Something, I don't have a title. (:

by Nike


THIS MAY BE RANDOM WORDS ON PAPER SO PLEASE, IF IT'S BAD DON'T CARE. I AM SLEEPY AT ONE A.M. HA-HA.

Is it worth it?

To get angry at someone for something they didn't do? Or maybe they did it, but not intentionally? Is it okay to just hate someone because they did something you don't like?

I think not.

But I have that problem. And it's bad.

I dislike a person because of what they're doing. But that comes from feelings, emotions. Like jealousy.

This has happened not only to me.

Don't be jealous. It just sometimes doesn't work in your favor.

Or you're just over reacting (:


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1329 Reviews


Points: 68307
Reviews: 1329

Donate
Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:30 am
JabberHut wrote a review...



Hi, Nike!

xD Well, I guess I can tell you wrote this at 1am, then! It's certainly not the best piece, but it definitely got me thinking. It encourages thoughts that the average reader has most certainly come across before. In fact, I know exactly what it was talking about. I thought the speaker was talking to me for a moment there. oO Eerie.

So, first!

Or you're just over reacting (:


XD 1am or not, don't use emoticons in your writing. *smites*

I dislike a person because of what they're doing. But that comes from feelings, emotions. Like jealousy.
This has happened not only to me.

Don't be jealous. It just sometimes doesn't work in your favor.


This transition here was definitely a stark change in direction. At one point, the speaker was admitting to their faults. The next minute, they were peptalking its readers. Hypocrite! XD

This feels like a blog pep-talk thing. It's interesting, and I like the clever way of ending it! It was easy to relate to. I just feel like more story could be thrown into this. Maybe more example or more encouragement or more understanding. Give it... well, more! It's just a list of sentences that could very well be built upon seriously. Peptalks are not easy to write, let alone preach!

So yeah. The second-to-last sentence didn't do me anything. I'd recommend getting rid of that or doing something else with it. Be careful your writing doesn't get carried away on tangents! Don't let it run off on you so you don't know what's happening. You just lose track and are stuck with massive amounts of editing material!

I like how you started with the questions. That's a common way to introduce a piece, but it's very effective. I like using it once in a while. I used to use it a lot in high school! Questions hook the reader in, like it did for me just now. Much easier for the reader to relate with!

Fun piece. Try writing at 1pm next time! ;)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Spoiler! :
Image




User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 751
Reviews: 35

Donate
Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:20 pm
phantomwriterjoe wrote a review...



So basically this is about someone who feels a way that they know they shouldn't, and that person is also telling us that we shouldn't feel the way that he/she is feeling. And then the final statement serves to contradict all the previous statements "Or you're just over reacting."

I don't think this is a necessarily random or bad piece. It is a statement about Jelousy. Though because it has no form or plot, it's potential is limited, the statement makes sense. We all feel ways that we know we shouldn't, and we advice others not to feel what we feel. In other words, we are all hypocrites with good intentions.




User avatar
49 Reviews


Points: 3034
Reviews: 49

Donate
Sun Jun 24, 2012 6:50 pm
iEuphoria wrote a review...



Hey, Nike!

Though the idea for it is a clever one, it doesn't exactly flow very well.. There is no evident plot other than as you said, random words on a page.

No offence but um, what is the point in posting if you don't care? o~o
Anyway, I suggest following firepen's advice and maybe turning this into a poem, that might be a creative idea that could help this flow better. I like it, just not as a storyline, being as there is none.. Anyway, good luck on whatever path you choose to take with this.




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 1108
Reviews: 17

Donate
Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:25 pm
firepen wrote a review...



Hi Nike, I think, however bare this may be at the moment, it has good potential. Perhaps you could rework it slightly and make it into a poem? I think you have quite a good idea here and it would definitely work. If you're not so into poems, you could perhaps invent some characters and a situation that you could work around? I think midnight musings are often great so don't give them up! I hope this helps!





See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451