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137,660 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Hi ImHero! Sparkle here to review!
This poem portrays a very poignant sense of sorrow that is beautiful and haunting.
Firstly, wonderful use of vacillated! That's not a word you hear every day.
I agree with niteowl about the line 'stepping the streets'. It seems a bit awkward and confusing, especially since the rest of the poem is so beautifully done.
The flow and rhythm of this poem are wonderful, but the grammar could use some work. I don't really have much else to say that former reviewers haven't already said, so I'll leave it here.
Good work, keep writing!
Hello Imhero!
I'm here to review one more of your poems this review day!
I loved this poem too, it was so small and so simple, yet it was so effective
Flow was brilliant, capitalisation was perfect, and punctuation was great too!
So there is no faults, I have no constructive critism. Nice work!
~Keep writing
Hello ImHero. This has some lovely wording. I really love
and
There's just some choices you made here that I don't quite get. One is the use of "sorrow". It's a noun, but here it's used as an adjective, which I don't think is right. I seems like "sorrowful" would work, but that doesn't quite fit the meter. Perhaps there's another synonym you could use?
Another wording thing "Stepping the streets" doesn't seem quite right. "On" or "through" could replace "the" and fit the sentence better.
Also, I don't quite get the punctuation. There shouldn't be a comma after "vacillated". Also, the commas at the end of each line don't always make sense. I would re-punctuate this as you would in prose. Also, I personally dislike semicolons; they always make me wonder if they're being used correctly
Overall, this is lovely, but I would reconsider some wording and punctuation changes. Good job and keep writing!
I like it... I can relate to it... It makes me feel like I am actually their!