do you hear me...?
deep in the static of your own mind
don't leave me behind, reach and find--
we were once a pair.
the laugh scraping at my throat
dripping down your face with scorn
no boat or real base to end the chase
Wildflower, where is your dorm?
feel the heartbeat in your stomach
heat of your sick lies, drown in that lake
strangled by the snake, never your take
feel the wriggle in your spine
your life was supposed to be mine
shut your mouth and trace the scars
stab deep with anguished stars
thudding of your own head
choke and leave me dead
this is Wildflower's cry
ballet dancer on her tiptoes
how far can you spin; how long can you go?
you can't dance on pins or needles
where are you, Wildflower?
Stop. Freeze. Stare at the mirror
Frown. Turn. Lift up your shirt
strangled by snakes, Wildflower's take
feel the wriggle in your spine, you are mine
but wait.
teeth can turn to petals
snakes to thread
it's me... Wildflower.
and I'm not dead.
under every scar and lie
I know you're just a child
trying to survive and stay
come find me... come and play
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140,993 Literary Works • 673,792 Reviews
Hey there, cats!! It's been soooooo long I know. I've just been busy with college and moderating here, and you started to be a lot less active than before, which hey I completely understand and relate to. Nothing to feel bad about, you gotta prioritise life afterall and I respect you for that. But as I was browsing poems in the GR (sorted by the wonderful new feature by Nate!), I came across this poem of yours and knew that I absolutely had to review it for you, if only for old times sakes. So without further ado, let's dive right in ~
One small critic I'd offer to start is the jumbled perspective and setting. At first glance, it's a nightmare to unpile that initially I was going it make this a review. But as I sit with it and wonder all the possibilities, things start to make more sense. I think it's not much fault of the poem itself, but the description that fails to prepare the reader for the POV it presents. I'm still unsure if my interpretation is infact right, but it stands through most of the narrative. So for this review I'll be seeing things through that lens, but feel free to share your intended references if I'm indeed wrong.
But despite its complicated premise, this poem offers much. The tone is powerful and compelling, that hooks the reader without needing context- it's not something I see so often. The quality of a song is quite prominent as well, it almost feels like a wrap (perhaps that is Ken's style? I'm not familiar with the artist, I'm afraid) but has those melancholic interruptions that actually remind me of Billie's songs. This is definitely one of your better works, and I'm proud how much you've bloomed as a poet here, oh to think I saw you join YWS right before my eyes just about a year ago! Before I get sobbing though, let's get back to the poem.
Here's what I feel the poem is about- the narrator is the wildflower's friend that played with it before, thus I suspect it's probably a small child who liked talking with it (edit: or it's a bee!). The narrator could be just another wildflower or another irrelevant object, but that does make a few literal lines trickier to make work. The subject wildflower, who the narrator is referring to, has been consumed by hardships or demons of the mind, against which it protects itself by growing teeth and snakes. It's not in it's own skin any more, and so the narrator is repeatedly calling on it to slay those beasts and take back control of it's being and life. Towards the end of this poem, we see this reality manifest as the wildflower sheds away it's defense mechanisms it once needed to survive. The message is empowering and the idea to represent and raise awareness for mental health this way is most noble!
I believe this supports my theory, as the narrator is talking to the person behind the ailment, the wildflower behind the beast- struggling but unmistakenly there. It feels like a motivational chant to demand that the victim doesn't let go and keep fighting against their insecurities and fear, to secure a beautiful life that they so deserve.
Can work for a number of things but valid for a child. On careful consideration though, it could even be a pollinating insect like a bee! It'd explain the close relationship, slight difference, and rids the awkward idea of friendship between a kid and a wildflower that I proposed in the beginning.
Thrilling imagery! I can't say I follow with how it applies, but it feels chilling and evoking in ways I don't expect in a mental health poem featuring a wildflower- you're breaking conventions!
Either the subject is fluid throughout the poem, or there's a flaw in my laid out interpretation. The initial line seems to be to the wildflower to remind it of its body in an attempt to bring it to reality. On the other hand, the second seems directed that the monster that's overpowering the poor wildflower.
Okay, looks like I'll have to throw my theory out the window altogether for this seems to be spoken from the wildflower to its inner demons, and I don't have a foundation to think that you meant for the povs to shift so drastically.
This stanza gave me a whole new perspective altogether- has the narrator been talking to a singular subject all this time for their existences have become so entwined that there's no separating the two until the real wildflower conquers her demons that trouble it? Like the narrator asks it not whine and focus on the battle going on in itself. But then again, I sense the final two lines to be a tired vent from the wildflower, how it desperately wants to give up or just wants the pain to end the only way it knows how.
These are actually my favourite lines and the shift in subjects feels a whole lot natural. How the narrator is taunting the mental demons of their fated death, for a survivor shall always succeed in slaying them. And within them, they call out to the real wildflower once again- captured but breaking free.
Well at least the clarity came as a breeze of relief here! I see the significance such a direct verse establishes- the victim finally steps his foot down and voices its victory over the demons that once controlled it.
Mic drop, an innocent end to a rollercoaster of a horrifying struggle against sanity- spectacular work!
This poem was something for sure! I'll admit- I didn't get most of it and yet it didn't keep me from enjoy it, kind of like how a song in a foreign language you find yourself vibing to. The setting definitely needs to be worked on to make things a little more distinct but the peculiar style always keeps the reader on his feet, and in a good way. I may have known just little of what this was cats, but I could sure tell it was great. Please do share what was the actual storyline, I feel like I've fallen on my face a million times over by now trying to decipher it. That's all I have for now though, until next time ~
Love, Alex
Hello! It’s so nice to hear from you, Alex! It’s such an honor to have you review my poem, really. You’re an amazing poet and I admire you.
What inspired me was quite random, honestly. I was going through another period of hard times and my thoughts just stumbled over my inner child, and how it hasn’t been brought out for years. How I almost never feel alive, since my mental health isn’t so good. And then I thought; what would it be like, being that girl? So free and so joyful, so at peace with herself. And I named her Wildflower. So basically, she’s another version of me, but without all the struggles.
She arrived within me; yet with all my problems I forgot about being happy and just dwelled in it. But I’m searching for her back, after I buried her under all that. So that’s basically what this poem is about! It is a bit complicated and confusing, I spent two days on a blank page xD
Thank you so much for reviewing! I love hearing what you think!
(Ren is a rapper, he should be more famous than he actually is. His songs hit hard, they’re raw and real. I recommend listening to Hi Ren, most popular one, and For Joe, about how he lost his friend to su!c!d3)
~catsz
Hello!
I just want to start off by saying this is a beautiful piece, and I can definitely see the Billie Elish inspiration! I think that the wording you chose very much lends itself to something kind of bittersweet and sentimental which (and I'm assuming lol) is the vibe you were going for! Just one thing I feel like (and I realize this was originally song lyrics) there is a stability (please bear with me haha) it feels like it would just float like there's nowhere it can stay grounded (which depending on how you look at it could be good or bad) but I feel it could work very well for this piece just to me the light ungroundedness feels accidental like you just kind of didn't know what to do for a base and let it float.
I want to finish by saying this is a very good piece though and it has a lot of potential!
HII!! Thank u so much for reviewing!! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!
Hia Catsz!
I must admit, I don’t know either of these artists but I really, really like your first stanza! From the way mind, -hind and find flow together to what is said and the forceful final verse of it!
I like how you describe the laughter as a tangible thing, scraping the throat, dripping from a face. It is not a pleasant image but very real!
I’m not so sure about the phrasing with “boat” and “base” though, the rhyme is nice but I can’t see how it fits into the rhythm? (that is probably on me tho)
In the third stanza I like how the narrator is accusing the other of all these things but in the end says something so possessive in the final line..which gives the rest of the stanza a new meaning, I feel!
Hmmm I am left feeling very moved at the end of the song/poem. A lot of things definitely went over my head (like why are the teeth turning into petals? A metaphor for the circle of life?)
Also the relationship between Narrator and Wildflower is interesting, as they seem to accuse but also pine for Wildflower and later surprise them with still being alive. There’s also the repetition of the wiggle and the snakes tho the transformation of snakes into strings at least seems visually sensible to me?
Ohh I am so curious what it all means!
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Hii, Tikaya! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such an awesome review, they always bring a smile to my face! Yes, boat and base sounds a bit forced, and I’ll try to keep that in mind next time! The teeth are turning into petals because Wildflower has been defending and protecting and fighting to stay alive, but now that she can reach out, she can also drop her defenses. (teeth). I normally love people picking out what the poem means personally to them!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for reviewing!
Thanks for the reply! I am always so unsure with poems so I'm really happy that you liked my thoughts <3
I also love the explanation of the petals and teeth!!