I get home from school
My smile grows wider
As I go to the pool
I’m so tired
But still I swim
I get home from practice
My bright eyes dim
My painted canvas
But then I remember
I play piano
It could’ve been better
My day full of shadows
But it would help
With a little music
Repertoire on the shelf
I might just lose it
Touching the keys
Emotions pouring
Pressing Major C
My mind just flowing
My fingers move delicately
Across the keys
Playing notes gently
With the beats
Music flows around the house
Soft and soothing
Not darkness, the shining sound
The lullaby, always moving
For a moment I forget the day
Wiping the canvas free
Only hearing the melody I play
And singing ever so softly
As I end the tune I wonder
Why didn’t I know this healing magic
As I end the tune I ponder
I should’ve known this ended all panic
Piles of homework on my desk
But the only thing echoing
Through my thoughts
Were the beautiful notes shuffling
The tune I played lots...
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hey, CATS! This is Alex, back with a review of one of your poetries. I know this is already out of the Green Room but I was looking for a shorter work to review to get to RevMo's golden a little early. That's when I found this incredible poetry, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on it. So let's dive right in!
What I liked more about this poem is how personal and flowy it is. You're narrating your everyday routine in a continuous pacing - how original and awesome!
This really tells the reader how much you love swimming, to even look past the fatigue. Pursuing one's passion is always admirable. It also tells us that you have a tendency to maintain a routine and a desire to commit even when you might not feel like it.
I can't decide if it's the sun's reflection or the excitement that is gone - but both possibilities are equally beautiful. I like how it almost contrasts to the pupils, which expand as one goes into the dark.
Wow the imagery is surreal here!
Of course, wondering why you didn't encounter a fabulous thing before! It's so relatable, as I started writing seriously only very recently.
Oh, what I'd not give to be this carefree again! Responsibilities call but their voice is lost in this mesmerising melody. It's such a magical experience, I wish I know what that was like.
Regarding the technical aspects, I think you could break into stanzas to signify change of scene as you shift from swimming to the piano and from physically playing it to the affect it has on you and the thoughts that full you mind. The structure looks good enough and I loved the buildup. It's a really effortless piece with no rhyme scheme and a free theme so there's not much to suggest for improvements.
Overall, I loved the simplicity of this poem. It's an easy read and is smooth in its narration. Thank you for sharing an adoring part of you life with us. It was an enjoyable read, I'm glad I could review it. Hope to read more from you soon.
Oh thanks so much for leaving a review Alex!!! I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. I will use your suggestion!
Thanks again
~CATS
Hi, I really liked your poem. I've never been a musically gifted person, but I've always thought it was like this. Free, light, and perfect. A fast escape into the sound of music.
Not even really thinking about it, just memory, similar to how an actor molds into their role, the lines slipping out, as natural as breathing.
"Only hearing the melody I play
And singing ever so softly
As I end the tune I wonder
Why didn’t I know this healing magic"
This part is my favorite and I can't explain why. The word choice is amazing, the imagery is phenomenal.
Although it was hard to pick a favorite part, it was all perfect. I love how our narrator fall into their thoughts. Lost in the music. It feels so full of whimsy.
I can imagine someone walking off a school bus, heading to a pool, awhile dreading the pile of homework they were given. Them seeing the piano and beginning to play, forgetting everything for a split second, stopping, then the memory of algebra homework crashing on their head.
Though I am a little confused on this part.
"The tune I played lots..."
Does it end in "..." because their drifting back into thought, or are we supposed to imagine an ending of some kind?
I feel like I should understand, but it's slipping away from me.
It's probably not you, it's me, I can write poems but ask me about them...
You will get the most confusing explanation, and in the end you'll wonder if we read the same thing.
But, amazing poem, and if you're new, welcome to YWS.
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed. The end with ... is because the narrator is drifting back into thought, I know that can be confusing LOL.
Im not that new but thanks!!
THANK U AND IM GLAD U ENJOYED!!!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Love,
CATS
Hey Cats! Gen here (again) to write a review on your work The Piano in honor of Review Month! Let's get into it shall we?
This poem really tells a story centered around the narrator and this piano. I absolutely love poems that tell stories and I thoroughly enjoyed your use of music to represent the shift in tone in this poem.
The first 9 lines of the poem set up the scene: the narrator getting home and isn't sure what to do. During these lines, I would really take more advantage of setting up the tone and emotion of perhaps bleakness or exhaustion, and really showing it through powerful imagery and language that you use in the rest of the poem.
From lines 10-32 is a sequence of motions, feelings, and images that progress the story while also creating a sense of whimsy and light into the poem. The emotional affects playing the piano has on the narrator is powerful during this sequence, and I love that we, as readers, can really gaze into the scene.
Lines 33-41 now bring up a narrative from the writer as they consider the wonderful, magical, affects from playing the piano. This section acts as the closure to the poem and wraps the entire thing up in a big bow. I would use this section to emphasize the sense of relief and fresh air the piano has on the narrator and really bring forth that sense of transformation from tired/bleak to musical/colorful. The poem also ends in "..." which signifies the narrator trailing off. Is this done because the narrator is still thinking about the effects of the piano? Is this done for the reader to be intrigued?
Overall, I enjoyed reading this lyrical piece that was rich in telling a story and expressing emotions at the same time. Wonderful job!! Keep writing and God bless.
Hello! Thanks so much for yet another amazing review full of suggestions! Yes, I meant for the narrator to slip into thoughts lolllll
Thank u again!
Hi cat! I have seen you around but I haven't checked out anything you've written (besides reviews hehe) so I am here to change that tonight. Happy revmo!
Does this mean swim practice? Because the first stanza kind of gives off the vibe that the MC is just doing it because it's fun, even if it's tiring.
What is the "It" referred to here? The piano playing? The day? It's a bit confusing to me.
"Touching" seems like a weak word choice to me. I think tapping, drumming, plunking, or something a bit more evocative could show the emotion behind it's being played. Shout out for using repertoire in a poem this rhymy and short-lined.
I think this is one of my favorite parts. Much like music, it has some nice flow that weaves us through the words without trying to find the rhythm or beat.
This is a pretty long line in comparison to the rest, and I think it hurts your flow. Also, comparing darkness vs sound is a bit odd in my opinion. I think finding a better contrast might help to sell the line.
I like "wiping the canvas free" but I think taking some of your lines that refer to other arts, and finding musical ways to convey the effect or meaning would really tighten up the story.
The rhyme scheme confused me a few times, including this ending, where I think you really want the flow to end off in a satisfying way. I am no expert at meter and whatnot, but it's definitely something to look in to if you are going to write a lot of poetry.
Also, it says "the tune I play lots", but just a few lines earlier it says "I should've known" which is a contradiction.
Overall I like the theme and I always love bunches of rhyming in poetry as opposed to other types. I think it's what makes poetry special and unique. I think music is so powerful and strange in the way it can convey and manipulate and control our emotions. I'm sure there is a science behind it, but it's always fascinated me, and I think you captured that well. I would recommend breaking up your stanzas with a line break so it isn't one massive pile of lines like it is right now, but that's an easy fix!
~Messy
Thank u so much! Honestly I love your critism, it really helps with my poetry that I would keep in mind next time. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this!
~CATS