crouch over to your knees
clench your shirt in your hands
twist until you
choke
keep gasping
skin is snow, maybe...numb, tingling
vision black, white
flashing
swollen eyes
teary
claw them out
tearing apart
hot burning embers
scream at the wall
for even daring
to collapse
done
repeat
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139,505 Literary Works • 672,592 Reviews
Hi velvet!
This is a great poem. I think the structure of having just a few words, sometimes even only one, on a line and having it as a continuous stanza really lends itself to the effect of a panic attack- this burst of panic all rolled up into one, but the rhythm and words of the poem read slower, like how a panic attack can feel like forever.
This is my favourite part of the poem; it is the least common descriptor, and this makes it feel unique. I think that a lot of the other images are quite generic (not bad!) things that would be used to describe a panic attack, and I think you should lean more into these specific and more unique images! But it still works well how it is, because it makes it more relatable
Keep writing ! <3
Literary/experiential descriptors of panic attacks have become more common, to the point of banal, on the internet over the past decade or so. Most of the time, I wouldn't even stop to read one.
Honestly, your first line kinda made me roll my eyes. But I kept reading.
This is a genuinely tactile, moving poem that eschews a lot of the stereotypical methods used by people writing about the same subject matter. And it's tactile not just in that it's so visceral and easy to "feel", but it almost makes you feel the same physical sensation it describes.
Kinda reads like a shortened version of "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. And that's a high compliment as far as I'm concerned!
Great job!
Hello! Are you new to YWS? If so, welcome!
I'm glad you stopped by and left a review, thank you xD
I wonder--what made you roll your eyes by the first line? I'm glad you kept reading <33
I know, this is my first time writing in this style, I'm glad it captured what I tried to do!
I love Linkin Park, they're truly amazing <33 What's your favorite song?
Thank you for reading!!