My emotions are strong
Flowing inside of me
Inhaling air into my lungs
The pain that's meant to be
The happiness for a moment
Relish the feel of peace
Struggling with an opponent
My fighting cease
A hole in my heart
From all the love I've lost
Like a pierce from a dart
My fate is star-crossed
The deep loneliness
I'm losing myself
My liveliness
Is taken by yourself
I say, "I'm fine, it's fine, it's okay,"
But you know that's never true
I've led myself astray
I'm a dark blue
Someone come, comfort me
From all my emotions
Lay me down, gently
Into the deep blue ocean
Jealousy
Sadness
Peacefully
Happiness
A mix of feelings inside my heart.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
almost acts as a a summation of the entirety of the poem!Hi Cat! Stopping in to leave a review on your work Emotions in honor of Review Month!
Here are some things I believe you've done wonderfully in this piece:
First, I want to say that the emotional impact in this poem is very prominent from start to finish as you use language dealing with sadness, loneliness, pain, and the complexities of human emotions and the capability to feel both happiness and sadness simultaneously.
I think you've done a really well job at displaying this emotion through the screen to the reader, which fits the title "Emotions."
I also would like to point out that having no punctuation in the poem until the last line of the poem is an interesting tactic that visually, and grammatically, displays the finality of the poem. In fact, the last line
Here are some suggestions that could make this poem even stronger:
While the title Emotions is fitting for the content of the poem, I would definitely play around with this title to perhaps give the reader a bit of an idea of what emotions or what it is about emotions that you are writing about! The title is the first thing a reader sees in a poem, so you want to be able to grasp that attention.
Another note I want to make is word choice and flow. I typically read poems out loud to help me write/review poems. Your poem consists of a rhyme of the "ee" sound throughout, until the end of the poem. There were a few moments in the poem that I felt as though the line and word choice were weakened in trying to keep consistent with the rhyme. For example:
Kind of breaks the flow and takes the reader out, because it doesn't read naturally on the tongue. A suggestion to alter this could be:
I would definitely play around with what you can do that both strengthens the line, keeps the flow consistent, and goes with the rhyme scheme you have established!
Overall I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this work! I love to see you writing and posting more! I hope you only continue to do so. God bless.
OMG thanks for ur wonderful review and I appreciate your tips!!! I'm still new to this so I really thank you!!!!!!! I will try next time, GOD BLESS U
Hey...this is actually my first time reviewing a poem, so I might be a little wrong or not fully know how to say things, but I really wanted to share how it made me feel...
when I read your poem, it felt like you were speaking straight from your heart...the way you started,
"My emotions are strong
Flowing inside of me"
simple....but it hit hard...
I think what really stood out was how you didn't separate the emotions...pain, happiness, loneliness, jealousy, they all are crashed together in the same space....that's how we actually feel, isn't it? not neat or organized....but messy and overlapping.....I really liked that because it made it feel real, like it's something you're living through, not something written for show.
the line,
"I say, ‘I'm fine, it’s fine, it's okay',
But you know that's never true"
really stuck with me...so many people pretend they're okay when they're not...
also, the “deep blue ocean” metaphor..I'm still thinking about it...it's like it's both inviting and overwhelming at the same time, pulling you in but offering peace too.....
I feel like some lines could be stretched out a bit, maybe add more description or pauses so that it sinks deeper...but maybe that's just me being new to reviewing....the brokenness and simplicity is probably what makes it so powerful, so I'm not sure if that's something that even needs changing...
the ending, where you just list emotions,
"Jealousy
Sadness
Peacefully Happiness"
that felt really honest....it reminded me that it's okay to feel all these at once, and that's what makes us human.
so yeah, this is my first review and I'm not sure if I've done it right, but it really moved me...it feels like you wrote it because you needed to, not to impress anyone, and that's what made it so special....
Omg thanks so much for your amazingly good for a first poem review!!! Your reviews are great and I think you should keep going
I%u2019m not much of a poet myself yet I reviewed multiple poems lol
THANKS SO MUCH AGAIN!!!!
%uD83D%uDE01%uD83D%uDE01
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Hop here with a review (HEHEHHEHEHEE) I’m still working on making my reviews longer so thank you for being patient with me (who am i kidding? you are the least patient person i know) I hope this helps even just a little bit... Anyyywayss... My amazing review... Totally not scared of hitting submit and you judging me pfft >>>>
Okay so this poem was really emotional (well probably since the name is literally emotions, i should have guessed it would have something to do with them...) and I felt a lot while reading it. The way you talked about emotions flowing and pain meant to be was really strong. It felt like you were letting everything out and I really liked that. I don’t even know how to word this properly but it just hit me. Like I was reading it and I was like oh okay we’re getting deep now...
The line about your fate being star crossed was so poetic and sad. I don’t know why but that phrase always makes me feel something. And when you said you’re fine even though it’s not true that was so real. I think everyone has said that at least once and you captured it so well.
Also you saying you’re a dark blue was such a good way to describe feeling heavy and lost. It was simple but really powerful. And the ocean part, lay me down gently into the deep blue ocean, was so soft and peaceful and I was just sitting there like okay wow I’m feeling things.
The ending with all the emotions listed out was really nice. It felt like everything was mixing together and made the whole poem feel complete. I really loved it and I’m proud of you.
Also I was gonna say something else but I forgot what it was so now I’m just sitting here trying to remember and it’s not coming back so oh well.
Please keep writing and sharing your work. You have such a strong voice and I’m really glad I get to read it. Please continue the AMAZING work and stay amazinggggggg!!!!!!
Love,
Your bestest (yes I know, the person who comes after people for misspelling words is saying bestest) bestie,
Hop
sorry if this didn't sound good. i'm sleepy and i'm too tired for energy
Omgggg thanks so much for ur review bestie!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE U.
And totally not gonna judge
And yes I%u2019m impatient lollll
Not always XD
THANKS UUUU
YOUE BESTEST BESTEST BESTIE,
CATSssss
HEY U SAID U WERE TIRED!! Yay I beat u I have more energy!!!!!
NO I HAVE ALL THE ENERGY HAH IMAGINE THINKING YOUR BETTER THAN ME *sticks out tongue*
I DECLARE A MATCH
HAHAH FINE. BUT NO ONE CAN BEAT THE HOP.