𝓴𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓹𝓼𝓲𝓪

Hiiiii.

This is really good. One thing I did notice is capitalization. Even in poems, you want to capitalize all of the lines. It makes it easier to follow. I love how it captures a guy's perspective on stereotypes of being strong and not crying, and the meaning.

Another thing I noticed however was the pacing. I understand that pacing can change, but it changes quite rapidly. A tip could be to include more details in the slower paces sections, or less in the faster paced ones.

I love how the imagery can capture the scenery and emotions, despite it being written in third person.

Overall, It's really good, keep up the good work!

:3 Ash

Hello cats!!!

Hop here with a review for Team Roses Of Red!!! Let's jump right in so I can do more reviews too! Also sorry girly, I'm going purely off of memory from when I first read it because I don't want to get flagged T-T anyways, let me stop the random yapping and just jump right into this review (btw it's not going to be the best because I just came home from a party and am exhausted with a capital E. Okay seriously let me stop talking now TOT

This poem just really showed how no one pays attention to what's going on the inside when someone's outside seems to be perfect. You just really captured the "pretty means easy life" thought everyone seems to have.

I really like how you also made the perspective from a guy because guys are often always pushed aside because they're men-- they aren't supposed to cry or have any negative feelings, right? That's what society says at least.

I also just think that the best friend was like just (sorry for my language) but damn. To just leave him on read is insane but unfortunately heartbreaking. Wait, at least that's what I think happen... right? Man, I wish I could look at it again but I'm so terrified I might get flagged....

I'm sorry this review was so short my bestie <333

I sincerely loved this poem so much because I feel like I can relate to it in many ways and it's just so obvious how much you improved over these past few months. I'm so proud of you, cats. Keep being you <3333

I hope you aren't reading this as soon as I submit it. It's almost 11:00. GO TO SLEEP OR I WILL MURDER YOU (friendily ofc)

Love,
Hop

Hello Hope here.

Happy review day!
I like poems, and this one really captured its theme well. It follows a good structure of beginning middle and end with the POV character being introduced, his struggles then his eventually suicide. I enjoyed reading this, but I do have a few pointers.

Some of the lines are slightly clunky, not because they are flawed in and off themselves, but because compared to other lines they have a different tone.

For example, the first stanza is very grandiose and written with more of a formal-poetry feeling, while the second is written in the more modern tone, both of them are completely fine on their own, but the two styles clash slightly, and while it isn't a big deal it is just something to keep in mind!

the other thing is that you use very fragmentary language on a few of the lines, this works fine here, and it might be a stylistic choice, but just in case i am going to point it out.

<<he's the type girls swoon over
swamped by the love letters>>

these two lines get across the same feeling and continue the story, but they are disjointed from each other. They don't smoothly lead into the next, when I was reading my mental voice 'stuttered' for lack of a better word, similar to this line:

<<that night
he jumped>>

it is one sentence but you read it as 'that night (STOP) he jumped (STOP)' which can be used for emphasis, and is in this case, but it is something worth pointing out.

that's all i think.

-hope

My darling, you have written a beautiful piece of art.

I deeply enjoyed your use of description and word choice, it really relays the message you're portraying in such a deeper, more surreal form. As a woman, I have no say in the experience that a man has in the world, but you put it such deep perspective that really makes me think as I read your piece. The part of this poem that stood out to me the most was at very end:

"the voices had finally quieted down to a ghostly echo of the past
the universe slowed to match his pace
lights flashed
yet he heard no noise."

This is gorgeous, and deeply sad. It perfectly describes an eerie, yet peaceful end of a tortured soul. I truly implore you to keep writing, and I wish you well in your future endeavors!

- Lizzy