ink fades into the photo
rain washes away my memories
red roses submerged in snow
i'll be forgotten in centuries
dancing with an image of you that doesn't exist
i can't feel your touch or hear your laughter
can't feel your lips on mine in a kiss
reaching for your hand but you drift faster
i can't let go or bear the fact that you won't come back
all i see is the same pair of amber eyes
you revived the part of me that cracked
but you left, and with you, my soul dies
your voice carried by the wind
identity lost in quiet time
sun hitting your soft, tan, skin
gone...and you're no longer mine
arms wrapped around your neck
strong hands against my waist
a passage i don't dare to treck
when destiny lost to fate
my heart clenches as i watch
what once was ours gets stolen
guess your standards went up a notch
and left me to gather up what's broken
staring at reflections for hours
lavenders never win when he likes heathers
sorrow threatening to devour
you once promised we'd last together
red wine tastes like bittersweet love
a soft ache covered by lingering nights
the touch of our fingertips
i lit so many matches but you didn't ignite
fire, then smoke, then ashes
you left me soaked in the rain
umbrella over her head, saved from splashes
nothing explains why i remained
and i don't trust flowers anymore
or kisses, or rain, or your touch
thinking you were proof love doesn't end on a bathroom floor
guess you were the reason my mascara was smudged
...i can't recognize myself in the girl who believed in you.
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138,688 Literary Works • 672,244 Reviews
Hey Cats! It's been a while but I'm here to review a poem of yours!
This is such a wonderful poem.
I didn't even realize there was a rhyme scheme until stanza 3, which means that you made the rhyme feel very seamless and natural. The rhyme adds to the tone of the poem, giving this poem a true melancholic and almost musical flow.
I really loved how the poem ends in a single line, a line that lingers, a line that doesn't have other rhyming lines to go with it. In a sense, that feels true to the meaning of the poem. The entire mood of the poem hangs on the hinges of the narrator feeling sadness because of a disconnect between them and the subject, so the narrator feels a newfound sense of loneliness and even betrayal, so the isolated line to end the poem just feels like a perfect way to end the piece.
Overall, the tone, mood, and flow of the poem is very consistent, heartfelt, and vulnerable. You did an amazing job of capturing the emotions through imagery and language. Here are some lines that really stuck out to me:
This poem is just packed with beautiful lines that are delivered effortlessly. Really well done Cats.
Honestly, I cannot think of any critiques or things I would change in this poem. I have loved to see the growth in your poetic skills and voice, and this poem displays great talent and emotion. Thank you for sharing this!
Much love, G♡
OMGGGGG EEEK I MISSED YOUUU
thank you so much it actually made my day!!
im so happy that u liked it :3
honestly this is one im a bit more proud of bc my mind somehow locked in lmao xD
THANK U AGAIN SO MUCHH
I want to start this review off by noting that you have genuinely grown as a writer. This work is capable of bringing out pronounced feelings across different tones. The imagery is vivid and the themes are very apt. It is clear, not unnecessarily verbose but just long enough that you'll catch yourself drifting into the land of memories as you read the lines. The rhyming is perfect, safe to say; doesn't sound forced at all and used cleverly through words that make it hard-hitting. I dare say this is your best work yet.
This is genuinely amazing and I can't stop re-reading this. Every new glance at the words brings out a new detail that has me mesmerized. It is not overly reliant on abstract philosophical ideas but rather on simple feelings that have been elevated not by complicated prose, but by complicated use of prose. Very well done.
Flow is also very nice, quite a lyrical feel there too. My only issue is that the last line subdues the flow of the poem a little bit. Maybe there presentation can be changed, or perhaps the line can be revoked. Not sure, just felt like it did not fit there. Other than that, good job!
Thank you so so much for reading and taking the time to write a review!! It brought a smile to my face, i%u2019m so glad you liked it!!
yes, i agree the last line i got a bit stuck there, and i%u2019ll try to do better next time xD
HEYAAA YWS MEMBERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
! Looking at all these stanzas together makes the grief feel so much more intense... It is like I was right there in the rain with you! It is not just a poem about a faded photo... It feels like a final incantation for a heart where the boundary between destiny and fate is completely shattering!
I am actually transfixed by this poem because it is just so relatable!
I am genuinely electrified by the atmosphere you built from that first fading image until that final... chilling... smudge of mascara. The way you transitioned from the quiet tension of "roses submerged in snow" into the absolute chaos of watching what was yours get stolen is just perfection. The storytelling is so vivid... I could practically feel those cold... sharp... and intense chills running up my spine!
I like how each stanza is 2 lines and the next two rhyme idk how to explain lol I just like how it doesn't rhyme right after.
I am so empathetic toward the speaker because she is carrying the weight of a soul that died while reaching for a hand that drifts faster. It feels so real and human because we have all had those moments where we have to grow up faster than we planned. The way she felt "soaked in the rain" while he held an umbrella over someone else was so moving! I would go totally crazy if I found out the person I believed in was the reason I was left gathering up what’s broken! The way you write about destiny losing to fate feels so honest.
The imagery is so visceral. The way the speaker lit matches that wouldn't ignite or watched the smoke and ashes of a relationship was just exquisite. I am actually stunned by the mystery of that "passage I don't dare to trek." It makes the poem feel so much deeper and more ominous! I have zero tips because your command of emotional storytelling and the way you handle the "bittersweet" ache of a fingertip touch is just perfection. I am captured by this world and I love it !!!
-Klee 2.o Kaboom :3
Nataleee
OMGGGGGGGGG THANK U SM FOR GIVING THUS A READ AND REVIEW!!! IM GLSD YOU LIKED ITTT