numb

what do i say when my hands are cold
when words scrape painfully up my throat
when i'm climbing a mountain with a heavy load
when nowhere i go feels like home

what do i do when the feelings subside
when i'm nothing but just empty inside
when nobody can see past all my lies
when i give away things that's supposed to be mine

how do i act when my soul hides away
when nothing is everything i can't contain
when it's full and then empty, and then full of shame
when nothing helps to ease the ghostly pain

how do i think when my head is full
when my heart is something i can't control
when my food feels like it's rotted to mold
when my presence is like leftover coal

who do i trust when all i'm feeling is numb
when i don't know where i'm actually from
when i don't know what i have become
when everybody expects me to stay calm...