You used to joke with me that your eyes were
The deepest pits of Hell dark, but I thought
They were more like melanite; a warm cure
To my ever-wandering eyes. I fought
To look away, but they asked me to stay
With desperate onyx tinted whisperings.
My own hazel irises do betray
Some wide-eyed desire to see what this brings,
So I plan my own demise in your eyes.
Passing touches, furtive glances; each part
Of our shared presence. How can I despise
You, when you have truth written in your heart?
I can't help but fall in love completely
with someone whose eyes meet mine so sweetly.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Honestly, my favorite part of this poem is the gem metaphors. Love at first sight is the sweetest thing, but it can also be the most bittersweet. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'm staying on the sweeter side just to hurt myself for the next couple of sentences of this review.
When I read this poem, it reminds me of the arguments my friend and I would have. He would always say that his eyes are the root of all evil, but every time I look into them, I can honestly fall in love with him (But I haven't, I'm just saying), so I know how the narrator feels when it comes to not wanting to fall in love, but ending up doing so because it's just impossible.
When you mention each of the precious gems, you're really going into your romantic side. When people think of gems, they think of beauty and sparkle. I know I love those things.
There's nothing I can tell you to change you poem because it's perfect. Keep writing and keep up the good work.
Haha, that's basically just how it went down for us. He thinks his eyes are scary dark, but I think they're perfect. And once he accidentally called my eyes "hazelnut" instead of hazel, so that's our little joke too. I wanted to put that in here, but I figured it would just confuse everyone.
Glad you like, thanks for reviewing!
Hazelnut eyes! That's perfect!
I liked the poem. Short, sweet, simple, likable and romantic.
I loved the flow and the complex words. They draw you in, even if it's a short poem it still captures you into reading.
Though you should review it again. I saw some minor grammar mistakes that could be ignored but still they are present and need to be fixed so it would make it a lot better.
Overall, it was sweet and winsome and I enjoyed it.
Best Regards,
Pejch
Glad you liked it! If you don't mind, could you point out where you saw grammar mistakes? I couldn't find any, but I would like to fix any that are there. I don't know how I'm missing them.
There is only one, it's the "completeley in the penultimate verse.
Okay, thanks! I fixed that.